why i cried...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 3/10/2009 11:32 PM (GMT -6)   
the pain didn't end on friday and continued on so monday i made the tough decision of calling in sick to work and going on to see a dr.
i waited and waited in the clinic near my house, hoping that the dr i would see would be considerate and give me an answer.... i went back to the room and was seen shortly after... the tests came back to show that i did NOT have a kidney stone. i was baffled because i honestly thought i did. she pressed on my stomach and as she neared my ovaries i let out a yelp. THAT HURT! i said. her face lit up a little in a way only a doctors can (because really, who else enjoys solving medical mysteries at my expense). she told me i had a cyst on my ovary and since i was also ovulation it was just a mess of pain to me. i started crying when she told me that... she told me there was nothing really she could do unless the pain persisted... she didn't want me spending a whole lot of money on tests that won't mean anything if the pain goes away in a few days. i could hear her... and the logical part of me was agreeing with every word she said, but my emotions were hurt and fear... and some pain. my mom was with me and could not for the life of her understand why i was crying and being a bit of a baby about all this. she said- you are only upset because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear. well yes, and no. what i believe very few people can understand is that for almost 4 years now i've been to dr after dr with symptoms only to be told it was all in my head. every time i went to the doctor or complained about being sick, for anything, i had in the back of my head this fear that i would be told yet again i was a baby and it was in my head. its this fear that still grips me today. the worst part of it all is that i've let so many negative people get to me and hurt me by their disbelief.... AND I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! i am posting this here because its all about fibro. i knew something was wrong with my body, only it took me years to figure out what it was. i cried because that fear came back... through all of this with fibro all i wanted was justification for why i felt the way i did. only now i have it, and i still cry. so many of us have been put through the ringer.... not only do our bodies fail us, but many people lack the understanding to be of any help. we suffer with something that most people have a very basic and usually very wrong perception of. we are continually educating those around us... but honestly some days i feel like the education feels more like a justification that what i say i have is really real!
can you all remember back to the time when fibro hadn't been mentioned yet? a time when maybe a "friend" called you a hypochondriac? a time when sleeping meant more than anything to you and you didn't know why?
sometimes those memories affect me now.... those are why i cried. i still have that fear buried deep.

but i stopped crying.
i stopped crying because i WAS justified. i have fibro and i DO have a right to feel bad. i DO have a right to not be okay every moment of every day. i DO have the right to hurt and be sick and tell someone about it.
my pain is real to me... no matter what others may think.

crazy that that experience tied back to fibro and triggered that deep emotional pain from my past...

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 3/10/2009 11:47 PM (GMT -6)   
It is a relief when you can give a name to the symptoms finally. But the next thing out of there mouth is 'there is no cure'. That is what really got to me. I finally found out what was wrong with me, then I find out that there is no fixing it. Though I do have it somewhat under control now with medications.

You did find an answer to your latest situation, though it wasn't what you thought. And I hope that it isn't painful anymore.

Hoping that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 3/11/2009 7:59 AM (GMT -6)   


I think it is totally understandable why you cried and you could not have said it better. For once it was something other than fibro, they figured it out and they understood THAT- but when it has come to all the things you have went through with fibro, they have NOT understood it, and it is so real. 

Ovarian cysts are very painful- I have had them and the pain has been so bad I literally would be doubled over. Mine would take care of themselves but lots of pain till they did. Hope it does not take too much longer to get some relief.



Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 3/11/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -6)   
LMS, fibro can leave us emotionally raw and vulnerable. In this world of science most everything can be proven to either exist or not exist, than there is fibro. How can our bodies hurt so bad and cause such misery without it showing up in some kind of test, but it doesn't. We should not have to continually justify the way we feel to others. That is what is so great about this forum and binds us together here, we don't have to explain how we feel cause everyone knows how we feel. Your not a baby and it's not all in your head, you have fibro.
When I look at my hands besides the affect osteo arthritis is having on them they look normal, how can they look normal when they feel like they have been smashed between two bricks. If the outward appearance matched they way they hurt they would be swollen, cut and bruised, but they are not. It makes no sense to me so it sure isn't going to make sense to anyone that doesn't feel the pain.
I hope the cyst goes away on it's own and you feel better soon. Remember we are always here for you when no one else understands.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 3/11/2009 10:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I think each of us or many of us still have that fear that no one will believe us. I swear I have PTSD from all the non belief. I get so tense before any doc appointment, I can barely hold myself together. We have all for years been told it is nothing, we are hypochondriacs. Insult after insult. SO it is perfectly normal you cried. I am so sorry you are in such pain but know you have people here who will listen w/o judgment.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 716
   Posted 3/11/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
LMS, Big ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you.  You don't have to say another word, we all understand what you have been feeling & the pain you have been having.  I recently came to understand, with the help of the people here, that I had never taken care of the emotional side of this illness.  I was angry, hurt, tired of dealing with people who never got how I felt, the pain, the fatigue.  I was stuck in the mourning process.  Full of guilt & emotional pain.  Unable to see why I have what I have & why people just couldn't understand.  The crying is healthy, you need to mourn & be okay with this illness yourself.  As someone told me, it doesn't matter what they (those without Fibro) think, it's what you think.  As Patti told me "It is what it is!"  It's an illness, we have it & we have each other here.  Crying can be so healing so don't feel like this part of you is broken, too.  Because you are not broken, you have an illness, a real illness.  You have the right to cry.  But you have the right to heal emotionally too.  I hope you feel better soon.  Ovarian cysts are really terrible & painful.  Many soft hugs, Denise 

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression, TMJ, anxietyMarried to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17061
   Posted 3/11/2009 3:37 PM (GMT -6)   
When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia it was called fibrositis.  I had never heard of it.  All I knew was I was in a lot of pain that didn't go away, no matter what I did.  The process of elimination to get our diagnosis isn't fun either.  It does leave scars.
But, I have found how to control the pain most of the time.  I'm never without pain but it isn't dibilitating for me now.  So the tears don't come as readily.  I know what is wrong with me and I'm learning how to cope with it and still enjoy my life.
I have had ovarian cysts, too, and they are extremely painful.  I, too was doubled over with the cyst.  But that should clear up pretty soon and you will be feeling much better.  Thanks for your post.  It touched on how all of us feel.  Have a good day!
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Sera Smiles
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 3/11/2009 10:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Miss Sunny! I agree with everything that has been said. I also have dealt with ovarian cysts, and they are painful as you know. There may be nothing that the doc can do to make them stop growing, but they can sure give you something for the pain. I am aghast at knowing the doc didn't sit with you while you were emotional and talk with you about what you have been experiencing. I hope I dont step on your toes or offend, but in future visits can you ask your mom to wait for you why you have some private time with the doc? Feel better!
"A butterfly is most vulnerable immediately after its metamorphosis."
Dx FM- 2003
Rx Meds- Ultram, Flexeril, Toprol, Cymbalta, Buspar 
OTC meds- Benadryl, Claritin, Melatonin, Valerian, B Complex, Multi Vitamin

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 210
   Posted 3/12/2009 11:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree to all. I too have cysts that burst, and they are very painful. I totally agree with Sera Smiles. She's got some good advice.
Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto Thyroid disease,

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 3/12/2009 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
i posted this because i knew everyone here would understand.... and in this case, ONLY you will.

its times like these when i realize this place... this "haven" is invaluable. i love being able to know i have people who understand!

i completely agree with sera! i should have made my mom wait outside because usually she is understanding but she has her "off" days too.

the doctor i went to is not my regular dr... she was a clinic doctor and for me being so knew to her, she really was understanding... as most know those kinds of clinics can be really about getting you in and out because so many come but she saw me crying and was trying to be understanding... but really she didnt know much about me or my history.

thank you all for letting me share my heart! and thank you for understanding!
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