Dear Michelle, we spoke awhile back, I don't know if you remember, but I do. I am so terribly sorry you having a bad time w/ everything, esp. your children. Like most mothers, you would do anything to keep them safe, healthy, & happy - they are your world. It hurts when they lash out at you, unfortunately, children do this. They can be very selfish, self-centered creatures. Usually, it takes yrs (and children of their own) for them to realize how hurtful they were to their parents. I can think of a sibling of my own that was/is like that.
Pls don't "pretend' you are part of this family, YOU ARE a part of this family. I can't always get on as often as I would like to, sometimes, I'm just so drained I don't respond in 'type', but I keep all our 'family' members in my heart and my prayers. We are all worthwhile ppl, worthy of other's care and concern.
Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.
I agree with everyone here. You are valuable and a welcome part of your family . . . and your kids are being kids - self centered teenagers. That is normal for that age. When mine were that age, I used to wonder how parents did it without going absolutely insane. I went back to school when both of mine were in high school. By that time they were at friends' homes all the time and rarely home. They complained that I was never there for them since I went back to school, so I changed my schedule and only took classes that occured while they were at school and was home after school to be there for them. Know what? I was home by myself! So I took the classes I needed when the classes were offered. No reason to stay at home by myself! They are 20 and 23 and they still don't get that! One daughter used to guilt trip me every time she didn't get her way and another would throw little screaming fits. Thank God they don't do that anymore. I would never do this, but sometimes I thought jokingly, wonder if I could just feed them under the door of their bedrooms and keep them in there during these years!
Did you ever hear Bill Cosby's take on teenagers? He said the brain stem becomes detached from the brain at about age 13 and does not grow back until the child is in his or her 20s! (sorry younger people on here!!)
Fireandice, I am so sorry your son said what he did. It can hurt like the dickens & I have been there too. I had divorced my girls Dad (alcoholic/Drug addict but now recovered for over 25 years) but I lived through it, so did their father & so did our children. What helped me was going to counselling. I did it to find help for my girls but ended up helping myself, which helped my children. I kept asking him when I could bring my girls to see him & he said "You bring them every time you come & every time you make a healthy choice you are helping them.". I had your self esteem,- none-I even planned right down to the last detail but I got scared & told a friend about it (cry for help) & she took me to my counsellor & recovery began. I know the feeling of not belonging & not feeling like anyone cared about me. But I was wrong!! Totally, absolutely wrong!!!! & since you are on this forum with the rest of us, I can tell you that you are wrong also. Not wrong in "you" are wrong but your "thinking" is wrong. Yes, they are different things. was planned after I had received a letter from their father saying I was a bad mother, he did it to hurt me & he purposely targeted the one area I had felt confident. Your son has done the same thing, he did it because he knows how you feel about yourself, how to get at you & punish you because he was mad. He will get over being mad but your punishment will teach him you mean business, you punish him because you love him & because you are a good, caring mother. If you weren't you wouldn't care about him at all. I held myself away from people for years because I thought they "only put up with me because I was there but would forget me when I left" I have only shared some of this with you because it will show you, I do understand, it was 25 years ago & I am a different person now. Different in that I know who I am & why I am, otherwise I am still the same person I have been my whole life. Just me & that is "really" OK.
A book for you to read: Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw. Excellent book, helps to understand the difference between healthy guilt, unhealthy guilt & shame. Please talk to your Doctor about your depression & get a referral to a theapist. It is the best thing you can do for your children.
Come back often, let us know how you are. I am here for you & so is everyone else. You are a valued member of this forum. As time goes on you will be a valued friend of mine, I can tell. Hugs, Denise
Post Edited By Moderator (Sherrine) : 3/16/2009 2:54:02 PM (GMT-6)
Oh fireandice, you "so" belong here! Everyone has their own unique and individual things to offer and the support here is so good for all of us because like you said it is a great bunch!!
Love them teenagers- I have raised 2 boys now almost. Oldest is 32, and youngest is 17. My oldest went to live with his dad for about 6 months because he just "needed" to try it out. It broke my heart too and I missed him but it was something he felt he had to do and I sent him on his way with my blessings. He found out that living with dad was not so great and came home.
I have had both boys VERY angry at me at times, where they will start to say "you are being such a (starting to say the "b" word) and they get the direct stare into their eyes from me and I will respond back with "what am I being?" , a "mother"? I have always told them, thats my job, and I do it well. If you don't like it there is the front door. They both know they have a good mother (they have just to look around them with all of their friends/acquaintances and what their mothers are like and know they have it made.) I have fibro now, but that does not change my principles nor how I am raising the youngest any different than the oldest.
I know it's not easy on our children either and he could have been venting a little also. This is what we have and we can't make it go away. We can only do the "best we can" every day.
Let us know how you are doing and know that we do care what you are going through!