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pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 3/16/2009 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fire..
I didn't want your post to get buried in another thread (TikiKitty's - Feeling down thread).  When I was reading through that thread I came upon yours and it concerned me.  I thought it would be a good idea if I reposted it where other Fibro Family member could see it. 
 
Please know that you are a very valued member of this family.  We care about everyone that comes along and we care equally as much about you as you do about all of us. 
 
My heart is breaking for you with what you're going through.  Our kids sure do know how to hurt us.  But remember, we all went through that "stage" when we thought our parents weren't so smart or we couldn't stand them for one reason or another.  Kids also are masters at working parent against eachother and getting on one side to work against the other.  Please please please try to remember this behavior that your son is displaying is typical of a kid his age.  I think it's part of the weaning process.. they start acting out against their parents as a way to begin spreading their wings.  Also remember, if your ex husband had taken away the kid's video games, the kid would have complained to YOU about him.
 
I hope you'll continue to come here and no.. I don't think you're a fruitcake, I think you're my fibro-sister and you're going through a hard time... Warm Gentle Hugs,
 
fireandice93 said...
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.  Believe me I understand.  You are very lucky to be a part of this fibro family.  I have never been a part of anything, I have never felt that I "belonged" in any situation.  I was hoping that finding you guys would be different, that if you couldn't see me or hear my voice maybe you would be more accepting of me.  But I can't get past the feeling of not belonging, that I am bothering people and that people just feel that they have to tolerate me.  I have never been so depressed in my life.  I keep trying to find a reason for my existance, but there isn't one.  I told you guys that my 13 yr old son left me to go live with his dad out of state because I never take them any where or do anything outside of the house.  Well, yesterday my 15 yr old son was mad at me because I took away his video game priviledges (sp) until he brings his grades back up (which has always been a house rule) and I heard him on the phone with his father saying how much he hates me and what a terrible mother I am etc... but then he said "thats why Josh left home, he got as far away from her as fast as he could." His father must of told him to give me a break because I wasn't feeling well cause then my son said, "she's never feeling well!  I don't even think theres anything wrong with her just like everyone else says!"  Guys, it felt like someone punchede me in the stomach. I actually threw up.  My heart is so broken.  I love my kids so much and they are such good kids.  My son has never spoken like that to or about anyone before, he is always so kind and sensitive so for him to say this is tearing me apart.  I feel that I could just lay down and die.  My children are all I have all I've ever cared about and now they hate me and want to be away from me.  I had a Dr's appt right after my son said that to find out the results from some biopsies (my dad had colon cancer at my age) and I found myself PRAYING with all my heart and soul that he would tell me I  had cancer.  Well he said that something got screwed up so they have to do it again in May.  See how I got totally off track and made this about me?   HATE WHEN I DO THAT!! THAT'S WHY I STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE.  My point was suppose to be that I want so badly to belong to your "family" because you guys are the kindest most understanding people I have ever come across, but I don't feel that I am good enough to be part of what you have.  I guess I'm just a loser in real life and in cyberspace.  You guys are so lucky to have eachother!  I come on here several times everyday and read all of your posts and it makes me feel a little better, I can pretend that I am a part of something and that I have friends, and then I feel a little less lonely.  I have come to care deeply about all of you and find myself thinking about you throughout the day and hoping that you are all o.k.   I know I must sound like a complete fruitcake.  I'm sorry.  Tikiismykitty, if I could take away all your sadness and loneliness I would in a heart beat.  Please take care of yourself.

Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


realpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 3/16/2009 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Fireandice93,
 
My heart is with you... I will not go into my life or my drama... I just want you to know that you are NOT alone, and I hurt for you!!!!!  Your children are your everything and there are alot of times that they just don't understand how badly their words can hurt.  (we were there once too.)  Just know that your son loves you... he is just a child and says things out of anger... all kids do.  I know... easier said then done right???  You and your family are i my prayers!!!!! 
 
One thing I did to help my daughter understand was, I pulled up an article on Finromyalgia and all of it effects it has on someone (both physically and emotionally) and I had her read it.  I told her to please read what I go through each and every day... yet I still go out of my way to help her any way that I can.  I explained to her that when I was a child I had to do everything around the house, and I make her do nothing, so to please be kind to me and help when I ask for help.
 
Again... you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!! ((((((HUGS))))))
Wishing everyone a great day, ((((hugs))))
 
 
Partial thyoidectamy (hyperthyroidism), fibrocystic breast disease, low blood pressure, hypertension, depression, and anxiety, severe headaches, joint and muscle pain due to fibromyalgia.
 
Wellbutrin SR 150mg twice daily, Ultram 50mg once every six hours, Propranolol 10mg once every 4 hours, and Xanax .50 every 6 hours, Flexeril 10mg once at night.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 3/16/2009 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Fireandice, I was still healthy when my boys went through those ages and they can try the patience of a saint sometimes. It is common for children of divorced parents to play them against each other. Your son was angry and they are going to go where they think they can get by witht the most at that age. I know I was horrible at that age.
 
Everyone has value on this forum and everyone belongs. I so hope we can help you get over the not belonging feeling you have. Obviously something has happened in your life to strip away your self confidence and self worth and I hope we can help you with that too. You are a part of this family and don't doubt that for a moment.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


Agmaar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 3/16/2009 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess I won't get started on the kids thing.  Sometimes we feel like we're 1000 years too old for our youngest. 
 
But what I'm really concerned about is your depression.  Depression will undermine everything else you might try to do.  It feeds on itself in a negative cycle where we keep telling ourselves negative things.
 
Have you talked to your Dr. about depression?  It also would be good to talk to a therapist.  It really helps. 
 
A lot of what you're going thru is probably needless suffering.  It can take some patience to find the right anti-depressant but is so worth it.  Once the depression is improving you'll be better able to cope with your kids and all the rest.
 
Also it might help to check out the resources on the Depression forum.
 
And of course you're welcome on these forums.  It is a very positive step you've taken.  Keep reaching out. :-)
Rich
 
Lyme, anxitey, depression, chronic C. Pnuemoniae
 
"... expect the unexpected ..."  (O. Wilde)
 
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)
 
 


Irish Babe
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1371
   Posted 3/16/2009 10:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Michelle, we spoke awhile back, I don't know if you remember, but I do. I am so terribly sorry you having a bad time w/ everything, esp. your children. Like most mothers, you would do anything to keep them safe, healthy, & happy - they are your world. It hurts when they lash out at you, unfortunately, children do this. They can be very selfish, self-centered creatures. Usually, it takes yrs (and children of their own) for them to realize how hurtful they were to their parents. I can think of a sibling of my own that was/is like that.

Pls don't "pretend' you are part of this family, YOU ARE a part of this family. I can't always get on as often as I would like to, sometimes, I'm just so drained I don't respond in 'type', but I keep all our 'family' members in my heart and my prayers. We are all worthwhile ppl, worthy of other's care and concern.

I know you are concerned about the biopsies, and the redo. We have gone thru that thing of waiting and wondering, but pls don't wish for cancer. I've gone thru waiting w/ too many family members for results of testing and too many times gettting the bad news, you don't want that, neither do your children, nor the members of this family. 
 
While my favorite site is this one, the folks here are terrific, I do check out some of the other forums. I would also suggest you check out the one for Depression, like Rich suggested, and also speak w/ your dr. But, remember you are not a bother, you are an important member of this family. We want to hear from you.
 
Patti, thank you for bringing this up, I am sorry to say, I didn't see this before.
 
God bless.   Alice.
 
 

leemadd
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 532
   Posted 3/16/2009 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. I know that it brakes your heart when children say things that they really dont mean. You truely do belong here. I believe that each and every person on this board has a place we all found it for some reason. If you are ever on this board and I am to let me know if you want to chat. Sometimes it helps just to be able to write down how you feel and let somwone respond to it. We truly do want u on this board and you truly do belong here.
LeeAnn

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17095
   Posted 3/16/2009 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Fireandice, that's teenagers for you.  I went through a lot of that stuff, too.  I was sick with Crohn's when my children were toddlers so they never had a "well" Mom.  I couldn't even take them on a picnic!  But, I knew in my heart I was doing the very best I could with my health the way it was/is. 
 
Hurtful things are said but you can't take it to heart.  The kids are young and think they are adults and can say whatever.  Plus, you had just punished him for his poor grades.  He was angry and he probably knew you could hear him, too.  He doesn't hate you...he's just really angry with  you right now but that will pass.  I had hurtful things said to me, too, and now that my children are fully grown, they just can't do enough for me and they realize I really was a good Mom.  I always told them that I loved them BUT I was not out to win a popularity contest.  I was going to do what I felt was best for them.
 
Even though I was hurt, I never let on.  I figured that if they knew things bothered me, they would do it all the more, so I just played it cool.  Also, as Marlee said, when there is a divorce, kids are smart and will play one parent against the other.  You and your ex need to get your heads together so this "game" isn't being played.  Your children really do love you and they will realize it more and more as they grow in maturity.   
 
Now, you see, I started talking about me, too!  LOL  I do that all of the time because that's how I can relate to people about my experiences.  That's what you are doing too.  So don't feel badly that your discussions talk about you.  You are here for help and to give help and you can only go by your personal experiences.
 
So, since you are now a part of this fibro family I feel I can say this.  Stop the negative thinking!  You are a part of this family and we really care about everyone...including little ol' you!  You have a lot on your plate and you are handling it.  It isn't easy raising teenagers and here you are doing it by yourself when  you suffer from  chronic pain!  Goodness, Girl, you are amazing!  So, don't put yourself down.  You have a lot to give and are giving it. We will be here for you but try not to be so hard on yourself.  Think of all the good things you do for your family.  I'm sure that list is longer than you realize.  Put a smile on that face and be determined to enjoy your life. 
 
Sherrine   
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


MT Lady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 3/16/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear fireandice,
I'm so sorry I missed your first post. My heart is going out to you along with warm thoughts and gentle hugs. Boy, have I ever been there, done that. The feelings of self worth, low self esteem, the depression and yes, dealing with teenage sons that have hormones blazing and the only way they know to release eveything is taking it out on the one person they know will always love them, no matter what they say or how much they hurt you. You will always be there, and they know that. I know, sounds so ironic, doesn't it? But it's true. Please, feel free to come here whenever you need to, not only to read others posts, but to vent as well. It might make you feel better, to get it out, on "paper" and have others read it and respond. As Rich said, therapy does wonders. I wish I was in a position to afford it. I know I need it and I know how much it can help.
My thoughts are with you
Miriam

Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 3/16/2009 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Fireandice,

I agree with everyone here.  You are valuable and a welcome part of your family . . . and your kids are being kids - self centered teenagers.   That is normal for that age.  When mine were that age, I used to wonder how parents did it without going absolutely insane.  I went back to school when both of mine were in high school.  By that time they were at friends' homes all the time and rarely home.  They complained that I was never there for them since I went back to school, so I changed my schedule and only took classes that occured while they were at school and was home after school to be there for them.  Know what?  I was home by myself! So I took the classes I needed when the classes were offered.  No reason to stay at home by myself!  They are 20 and 23 and they still don't get that!  One daughter used to guilt trip me every time she didn't get her way and another would throw little screaming fits.  Thank God they don't do that anymore.  I would never do this, but sometimes I thought jokingly, wonder if I could just feed them under the door of their bedrooms and keep them in there during these years! 

Did you ever hear Bill Cosby's take on teenagers?  He said the brain stem becomes detached from the brain at about age 13 and does not grow back until the child is in his or her 20s! (sorry younger people on here!!) wink

hugs,

Sue


jewelrylady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 3/16/2009 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Fireandice, I am so sorry your son said what he did.  It can hurt like the dickens & I have been there too.  I had divorced my girls Dad (alcoholic/Drug addict but now recovered for over 25 years) but I lived through it, so did their father & so did our children.  What helped me was going to counselling.  I did it to find help for my girls but ended up helping myself, which helped my children.  I kept asking him when I could bring my girls to see him & he said "You bring them every time you come & every time you make a healthy choice you are helping them.".  I had your self esteem,- none-I even planned right down to the last detail but I got scared & told a friend about it (cry for help) & she took me to my counsellor & recovery began.  I know the feeling of not belonging & not feeling like anyone cared about me.  But I was wrong!!  Totally, absolutely wrong!!!!  & since you are on this forum with the rest of us, I can tell you that you are wrong also.  Not wrong in "you" are wrong but your "thinking" is wrong.  Yes, they are different things.  was planned after I had received a letter from their father saying I was a bad mother, he did it to hurt me & he purposely targeted the one area I had felt confident.  Your son has done the same thing, he did it because he knows how you feel about yourself, how to get at you & punish you because he was mad.  He will get over being mad but your punishment will teach him you mean business, you punish him because you love him & because you are a good, caring mother.  If you weren't you wouldn't care about him at all.  I held myself away from people for years because I thought they "only put up with me because I was there but would forget me when I left"  I have only shared some of this with you because it will show you, I do understand, it was 25 years ago & I am a different person now.  Different in that I know who I am & why I am, otherwise I am still the same person I have been my whole life.  Just me & that is "really" OK.

A book for you to read:  Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw.  Excellent book, helps to understand the difference between healthy guilt, unhealthy guilt & shame.  Please talk to your Doctor about your depression & get a referral to a theapist.  It is the best thing you can do for your children. 

Come back often, let us know how you are.  I am here for you & so is everyone else.  You are a valued member of this forum.  As time goes on you will be a valued friend of mine, I can tell.  Hugs, Denise 


Post Edited By Moderator (Sherrine) : 3/16/2009 2:54:02 PM (GMT-6)


Sera Smiles
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 3/16/2009 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Ms. Fire, I wish I could reach through time and space to give you a hug and some smiles, and tell you that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. What you describe is something I suffered with for a long time, and it was my deeep depression that was fueling my fears and sense of isolation and insecurity. I agree with everyone, you are a part of this forum and we need you here with us. I have learned so much from the people here and one thing I have realized is that you never know when your words are going to the ones that someone needs to hear. Your words have that impact, too. So don't stay away and please continue to be a part of this family. Keep posting and telling us whats happening with you and how you are feeling. We can help you work through this ick :) and keep it from turning into more physical aches and pains.
"A butterfly is most vulnerable immediately after its metamorphosis."
 
Dx FM- 2003
Rx Meds- Ultram, Flexeril, Toprol, Cymbalta, Buspar 
OTC meds- Benadryl, Claritin, Melatonin, Valerian, B Complex, Multi Vitamin
 
 


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 3/17/2009 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh fireandice, you "so" belong here! Everyone has their own unique and individual things to offer and the support here is so good for all of us because like you said it is a great bunch!!

Love them teenagers- I have raised 2 boys now almost. Oldest is 32, and youngest is 17. My oldest went to live with his dad for about 6 months because he just "needed" to try it out. It broke my heart too and I missed him but it was something he felt he had to do and I sent him on his way with my blessings. He found out that living with dad was not so great and came home.

I have had both boys VERY angry at me at times, where they will start to say "you are being such a (starting to say the "b" word) and they get the direct stare into their eyes from me and I will respond back with "what am I being?" , a "mother"? I have always told them, thats my job, and I do it well. If you don't like it there is the front door. They both know they have a good mother (they have just to look around them with all of their friends/acquaintances and what their mothers are like and know they have it made.) I have fibro now, but that does not change my principles nor how I am raising the youngest any different than the oldest.

I know it's not easy on our children either and he could have been venting a little also. This is what we have and we can't make it go away. We can only do the "best we can" every day.

Let us know how you are doing and know that we do care what you are going through!

GamJill


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

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