Husbands... why sometiems mutes might be better

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MrsCavbar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 3/31/2009 12:58 PM (GMT -7)   
During a flare up and the emotional upset that comes with it, my husband told me he gets the basic concept of Fibromyalgia, he doesn't need to know everything about it, or everything it does to me. He says he knows I'm in pain, but the emotional upsets must be PMS.
After thinking about it, I decided I really shouldn't tie him up and put him in the closet. I've tried explaining it with the spoons, I've sent him sites... I've given up on trying to get him to understand, but it's so frustrating. I don't know if he's in denial that there is something definitely wrong with me, or if he thinks I'm just a lazy pill popping hypochondriac.
FM, costocontritis, wide spread arthritis, fibriod tumors, 2 heart attacks at 22


Flexeril 30mg, Celexa 50mg, Despiramine 50mg, Ibuprofen 800mg Acetometaphen 500mg, Calming Sleep herbal suppliment, ActivOn topical pain relief, occassional cannibus


jewelrylady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 3/31/2009 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Mrs Cavbar, I think it is just his way of dealing with it. My husband can be the same way sometimes & I have learned that is OK. If my husband can't fix it, he doesn't want all of the details. I think it is the same thing I went through when I finally had to let go of the control of this illness, I realized I had no control over the illness, just over how I personally deal with it. Mike will see I am not feeling well & just pitch in without saying a word it. He will say "I think I am going to make spaghetti for dinner, sound good?", or he will sweep the kitchen & if I say anything he says, "It won't kill me". It is how he deals with the illness & how it is effecting our lives. I, also am comforted in knowing he gets it. So, let him find his way just as you are & just realize he has also lost something. None of us ask for this for ourselves or for those we love. Sad isn't it? I hope you are doing well, your husband sound like he is in mourning with you so be gentle. Come here to vent & cry & we will help you through as best we can & if your husband will come here as well, (mine won't) it will help you both a lot. Soft hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression, TMJ, anxiety  Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 3/31/2009 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Print this out for him and see if this will help him understand.
 
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


purplerose652
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 124
   Posted 3/31/2009 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Denise,

I know exactly what you mean..:( Some men just don't get it. I have been in a terrible flare with lupus and fibro the last 2 weeks and my Rheumy has put me on prednisone for a while and wants me to rest. Well, thats impossible for me. I told my husband what the doc said as he sits on the comp and I am trying to cook and chase my 2 yr old grandson, help my kids with their homework.....you know what my husband said? "you should consider yourself lucky you have a man that puts up with so much." What does that mean? All I can figure is he still doesn't believe I am sick....he thinks I am lazy....and even though I do everything I should do more. I am just happy we have the support we have here. I don't know what I would do without all of you!
Take Care,
 
Renee
 
"Grace by which I stand."
 
Fibromyalgia, IBS,Gerd, Scoliosis, & Costochondritis, Lupus
 
 


MrsCavbar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 4/1/2009 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, Reneee, exactly!!!
FM, costocontritis, wide spread arthritis, fibriod tumors, 2 heart attacks at 22


Flexeril 30mg, Celexa 50mg, Despiramine 50mg, Ibuprofen 800mg Acetometaphen 500mg, Calming Sleep herbal suppliment, ActivOn topical pain relief, occassional cannibus

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