Flare/Self Esteem

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 4/1/2009 8:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I could use a few words of encouragement.  I've been in a pretty bad flare for the past coupe of weeks, and I'm feeling kinda down. 
I've had some stressful things going on in my life, and not only am I hurting really badly from head to toe, but I'm struggling with self esteem issues.  I've gained weight, my hair is thinning, I can't dress nicely like I used to.... blah, blah, blah.  I just feel middle-aged, over-weight, unattractive, and not very useful.  rolleyes
I guess I just need a fibro family pick-me-up to help me put an end to the pity party.
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 4/1/2009 8:37 AM (GMT -6)   
 Good mornin Austen , I sure do know how you feel. For your self esteem , try to put on some make up , and lipstick even if your not going anywhere.Try to put your hair up,  It doens't have to be perfect looking.just don't watch it fall out. You are a special woman and are worth a lot to your friends and family.And stop crying cause it sure won't help anything except for giving you red swollen eyes. again you are a special woman . And the weight will ease away soon enough. Lay in bed for half hour and get up starting the day over again having a better outlook on yourself. The fibro flair willl go away when it's ready. Hang in there, you will change your blahs soon!! again your a beautifull woman. Gentle huggzzz oh yea try a diff shampoo, i sure need to also  :)

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/1/2009 8:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Austen,

It is easy to try to perk you up b/c you always have great things to say to others.....tell yourself this will pass. I often take it an hour at a time. Never thought life would deal me this but it did. I so get the unattractive thing. I have aged "unbelievedly". I tell myself it could be so much worse. I agree with the lipstick thing. I put my eyeliner on and some blusher b/c I look like Casper the Ghost otherwise. It does pick me up.

As for the stress going on we KNOW what that does to Fibro. I think the emotional part of this is our biggest challenge. Of course you cannot eliminate whatever is happening but really try to think through how it is affecting your body. You know I started this thinking and it is helping. Just thinking on it hard and saying this will not take me down!!!!

Thinking about you.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 4/1/2009 9:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Austen,

First of all {{{{{gentle hugs}}}}}!!!

I do know exactly what you're saying. I think women can have a particularly hard time with self esteem, and adding fibro to the mix only makes it worse sometimes. I, too, have days when I feel useless, old, boring, unattractive etc. I think-what's become of me? Although I've never been "hot" or beautiful in the traditional sense, I think I used to look alright. I KNOW I used to have more energy and creativity! It's been hard for me to let go of that old self that was quirky and interesting and smart and funny and creative. Now, I think-I'm so darned dull! It's like fibro has sucked all of the "juice" out of me and sometimes I get really down about it.

For me, what really helps is just doing a little bit, Like Kat said. A nice pretty new lipgloss. Putting on a cute (but comfortable!) shirt. Going and getting a haircut..just little things can really boost up my mood and make me feel better about myself. Sometimes even just getting outside can help, too. Since I don't work outside the home right now, I know there are days when I just feel so..trapped by this dd. So even just sitting out on my patio can help make that shift in my brain from the blues to the brights!

Also, maybe you could try a new bubble bath or lotion or body spray. Scents can really pick us up when we're feeling down, too. I love anything that has a mint smell to it-it picks me up and refreshes me at the same time. Go to a drugstore or Bath and Body works or Wal-mart or whatever is nearby and you can handle going to and start sniffing! You might come across a really lovely scent that makes you feel a whole lot better.

Most importantly-remember that you are a beautiful, worthwhile, wonderful person! Fibro can make us forget just how special we are, but I think if we weren't special, why would God have put us here? You have a purpose even if you're not sure what it is right now, and you are also an important, unique, lovable and beautiful person!

And please keep coming here and venting and sharing-sometimes that's the best thing we can do. Remember we are here for you and love you!
love and hugs

fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 4/1/2009 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
 Well, sleepy made me think if another thing to do.. Austen, also try lighting candles day or night with some up lifting music , I like to take a epmsom salts bath with bubbles along with candles/ music then put on some make up and yes do sit outside, That in its self will be lifting even tho you really don't feel like doing it. Let us know how your day projects!!
All the best to you .. {{{{Huggzzz}}}}}

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17057
   Posted 4/1/2009 2:04 PM (GMT -6)   
First of all, Austen, we all go through periods like this.  I had a period like this a few weeks ago.  I was sooo stressed out, stayed in the house for the most part, and started to wonder what my purpose for being here was.  Well, that's called depression and it isn't normal for me nor for you.  You will get over this phase.
You are very special in God's eyes and in the eyes of your family and friends.  They know you are having a rough time right now.  They love you for YOU...not what you feel like or how you feel you look.  They love you for what is inside you...your "tenderness of heart".  (See, that's why you like Jane Austen so much!)  You are a very giving person and your family and friends rely on your uplifting personality.
Now, to get out of that funk!  I agree about putting something on that is not only comfy but you feel better wearing.  Slap on a little make-up, put a smile on your face, and, if the weather is cooperating, take a walk.  I know you are in a flare but you could walk a block and back.  The fresh air is wonderful and just seeing something besides the inside of your house will work wonders.  That's what I did.  I did some thinking while walking, too.  My little dog got A LOT of exercise when I was in that down period!  shocked    Watching lighthearted movies help, too.  I would watch them instead of the news...the most depressing hour on television.  I cooked a special meal for my daughter, too.  That made her happy so it made me happy, too.  If you like music, put some peppy songs on.  I can't hear most music so I sing.  Sometimes it's just the little things that will help you rise above the stress and pain.
I hope you start to feel better soon.  Spring is springing and has sprung in some areas of the world so the better times are coming.  Look forward to each new day with anticipation.  You should be very proud of what you accomplish every day...even if it is cleaning or cooking.  All of that is worthwhile and important.  
Finally, I love to cook breakfast.  You want to know why?  It's because of the eggs I buy!  When I open the carton it says, " This is the day that the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it."  That puts a smile on my face and starts my day out right!  Feel better!
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 4/1/2009 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   

Aww (((Austen)))

I read what everyone else said and they all said things I was thinking about saying.  Just know that this family and yours loves you very much and we hate to see you hurting.  Your fibro family totally understands what you're going through.  I think we've all been in your shoes atleast a few times.  But your regular family probably doesn't quite get it.  So please talk to us as much at you want or need to.

I agree that getting out even if its in baby steps at first will help.   I don't know where you live but I live in Northern Indiana.  We're just getting the first hints of spring here.  That always perks me up.  If I don't have the strength to walk I'll get in the car and drive to a park.  That usually gets me motivated to get out of the car for a few minutes and stroll around to look at the birds and the beginnings of the flowers popping up.  Maybe if you picked up some coffee or a special tea that you like and just take yourself out of the house for a treat for YOU it might help.

You're a really nice person.  I've read your posts and your encouragement for others when they're going through a hard time.  Give yourself one of those pep talks!!  YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS BECAUSE YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON.  YOU GOT STUCK WITH A CRUMMY DISEASE, BUT IT CAN'T KILL YOU.. SO BE THANKFUL FOR THAT AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME GENTLE ENCOURAGEMENT.  No you won't be 100% overnight, but you will get better soon.  Take a warm bath or shower .. bring those candles with you and feel better soon.

One thing I do when I'm feeling down is go to the library and pick up some self improvement books.. I usually never finish them.. because about half way through I say to myself.. I already know how to do this.. but the books at least get me started about thinking positively.

Feel Better.. Sweetie,


Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 716
   Posted 4/1/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -6)   

Austen, I have been going through a long flare too.  I have been up but mostly down.  I was just talking to my daughter, Misty, about this yesterday.  I get to a point where I am so tired & bored with being sick & tired, & I am depressed because I feel I can do nothing about it.  I feel so "old". 

I went & I got my haircut in a very flattering style, I love it & it is short & easy to just run a comb through & it looks good.  A little mascara & with my mylar rash I always have rosey cheeks. LOL!!

I have found that I will feel better just by getting dressed, my pj's, robe & slippers are for the sick me.  A nice light movie, Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow should do the trick. (can't remember how to spell her name!!???!!/?)

We were going to lose 10 LBS together & even though, due to a major flare, I went off,I am still holding at a 6 LB weight lose so if you are ready, so am I.

You are such a good, wonderful, loving person.  Please remember that.  I always look for your posts because they are encouraging & wise.  Don't you dare not come & post because of feeling so down, we need you here & you need us.  We are all attached to each other through our stories.  I hope you will feel better soon.  Love & hugs, Denise


 I have:  Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression, TMJ, anxiety  Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 4/1/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sitting here reading all of your posts, and they brought tears to my eyes (which is a good thing because I needed a good cry :-) ).  I so appreciate all of your words of encouragement.  It is such a humbling thing to have so many people take time out of their day to lift you up.
The sun is shining here now, and I plan to take some of your advice and treat myself to a good book, get outside, and do something to pamper myself (not necessarily at the same time, lol). 
Denise, I've had a couple of starts and stops with the 10lbs, but I'm still working on it.
While I'm blessed with a caring family, no one understands this sometimes spirit crushing disease like those who are also walking the same path.  Thanks for all of the love and caring you've shown me today.  It means so much to me.
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   

It snowed this morning in Seattle. Ugh.

One thing that might brighten up your day is to go to hulu .com and find a comedy to watch. Nothing is for sale on the site, it just contains a lot of movies and tv shows past and present. Funny stuff is good for relieving pain.

Things always seem horrible when we have flares. I always think my world is going to end. Middle age in modern society can suck. What with all to actors, models and actresses who are held up as models of who we should be and what we should look like.

We are happiest when we do not live up to the standards of beauty our society presents. BEing ourselves is beautiful. However, there are days that I believe fibro has aged me. Usually those are the times when I am in the most pain.

Cheer up, at least you had sun today. Sheeshe, snow!

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