To Go or Not To Go

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patsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/19/2009 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Friends,

I don't post often but read constantly and answer your topics as best I can.

Well, I need your advice. In 2 weeks Husbands children are coming to Disney and we are suppose to meet them there for the weekend. By now many of you know me and I realize I am not a critical person. BUT, his grandchildren and children for that matter are extremely hard to cope with. The grandboys, all 4, are ill mannered and just plain obnoxious. The parents NEVER correct them and God forbid my Husband says word one. His children do not believe I have a disorder, having been a major tennis player and very athletic. They think I am just saying this for sympathy b/c "my game" is over. Nothing could be further from the truth but I don't need to tell you guys this.

Now I do not have grandchildren of my own so Husband has become quite defensive. Actually almost all of our problems in our marriage stem from his children and his total "overlooking" behavior. I honestly feel if he would acknowledge the pain of them I could cope better. I would throttle my one son if he ever disrespected my mate.

To the point, do you feel I should have to go to Disney, it is 2 hours from here, or be able to tell Husband to go alone? He is very stubborn about issues such as this and frankly I am not sure how to handle it.

P.S. I am NOT up to the park scene and the "family" will make a huge deal about this.

So depressed about this, Patsie

NanaNan
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 4/19/2009 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a similar situation in that I do not really enjoy my in-laws' company and I really do not enjoy visiting with them in their homes.  Since I have been diagnosed with fibro, both my husband and I understand that sometimes the energy that is required for me to get through something is not worth the cost in the end. The holidays are especially difficult because I am doing my "own thing" in preparation for them and his family just adds stress to the whole procedure.
 
So, when the holidays come around, my hubby goes to his sister's parties and gatherings without me.  I have assured him that I do not mind not going, but I also do not mind that he does go.  Maybe your husband feels that he shouldn't go without you and that making him feel as if he is in a no win situation.  If you talk with him and assure him that your fibro just will not allow you to enjoy yourself and that you don't want to spoil the trip for everyone he will understand better.  Also, be sure that he knows that it is OK with you that he does go without you?
 
good luck with whatever you decide....in-laws are tough....I'm glad that I'm not one! smilewinkgrin
 
NanaNan

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 4/19/2009 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Patsie,

If you do go, is there anyway that you can ignore the kids actions? I know how hard it is being around children that don't mind whatsoever. It makes me nervous. But I tell myself that they are not my children and try to ignore them.

It sounds like it would be a long car ride for you to go. That is hard on me too.

Just remember that nobody can make you do something that you don't want to do. And as was posted above, maybe your husband doesn't realize how much discomfort that you are in and doesn't feel right going without you. Make sure though that you don't really want to go before you make that decision. Doing things with family is important and there can be some prescious memories there. And don't forget the camera if you do good. Pictures are wonderful.

If you tell him to go without you, make sure that you are sure that you are going to be okay with that. That way you wont feel like you are missing out on anything. Maybe you can find some relaxing things to do while he is gone.

Either way, I hope that you enjoy yourself. Keep us posted and let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 4/19/2009 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh Patsie...been there, done that.  Only Busch gardens, not Disney.  The crowds...lines...Oh MY!  I took a lounge chair and sat under a tree while they 'did their thing'.  That way I was somewhat involved yet didn't and couldn't do all the trekking through the park.

I know how difficult it can be to deal with 'step children and grandchildren'.  My husband's son and grand daughter visited a few summers ago and after repeated instructions to be kind to my dogs, she stood on a chair and jumped on my Dalmations back.  The dog nipped her.  It is so hard to bite your tongue!

I hope you decide to do whatever makes YOU most comfortable.  Because most don't understand the flare than can result from such an excursion, it's easy for them to jump to the wrong conclusions.  After all...'You don't look sick to me"!  LOL!

Huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 4/19/2009 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh ((Patsie))

Family politics are the absolute worst!!!  Acck!!  Hate these problems.  And trust me girlfriend.. I've got plenty of them.

I decided in this life  ..( lol.. feel like I've lived more than one lifetime in this body), I was going to make it abundantly clear that I am NOT a kid person.  Going to ball games and ballots are not my cup of tea, neither is going to a theme park with a bunch of obnoxious brats.  I know that sounds a bit cold, but its the truth.  I don't like to be around kids too much.  Even when I was a kid I felt that way.  Its just the way I am.

Disney alone is excruciating enough without the kids!!!  I had to go there alot back in my pagent days.. hated it!!  Too much walking and noise.  I don't like rides and I would rather have a root canal than stand in lines with crowds of people in the hot sun.  LOL.... Have I talked you out of it yet??  Have I given you your amo for your argument with your husband?  Do you think HE really wants to go??  I'm sure you guys have been there tons of times since you live nearby.  Maybe he wants you to go because he doesn't want to go so much either.. watta ya think? 

If that doesn't work, then why don't you tell him you think you'll need to rent one of those scooter thingos, because you don't know if you can walk all that much... maybe he'll get it then.

Its getting close to my bedtime.. I'm gonna go sleep on this problem and see if I can "dream" something else up.  Till then, I sure hope you can fanagle your way out of this one.  I know you've been on entertaining overload lately. 

Hugs Buddy.. 


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 4/19/2009 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((((Patsie)))))))))))))))
This can be hard, but maybe go up a day early and just rest in the hotel room for that day,
Then, say you'll meet up with them at various spots through out the day, like at the train, or carosel
or ferris wheel and then take pictures when your on these easier rides and that'd be how I'd do this.
and speak up for yourself about this, don't explain why you can't do stuff as they should understand
and definity rent a scooter and wear comfy shoes..
Hope this helps ya..........
(((((((((((((((((HUGZ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 4/20/2009 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   

OK.. well, I tried sleeping on it.  Didn't sleep well though, this stupid thing with my eye is getting really out of control.... very painful.  When I woke up my eye (you know the area where the bags under your eyes live), was extremely swollen, its sticking out as far as my nose (I'm NOT kidding).  I can hardly see out of that eye.

I really didn't come up with anything that was brilliant.  Sorry, Sweetie.  But I think if you DO go, you should keep your distance.  If you don't go, I think it's important that hubby understands that the combo of noise, needy kids and all of the walking around is more than you can take right now.

I know how hard it is to have family that really makes you crazy, but you have to make believe that you like them.  When they don't get it when it comes to the fibro thing it only makes things worse.

Wish I could've been more helpful.  Sorry you're bummed out about this and I don't blame you a bit for feeling really conflicted about it.

Hugs..


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


patsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/20/2009 4:43 AM (GMT -7)   
You all gave me such good advice, thank you. I think the idea of meeting up like Chartreux said might be a good solution IF I have to go. Karen, I'll probably flare either way!!!!

I guess I feel I should not have to do this as I am always the one that remains quiet and just takes it. For some reason this is changing in me, could it be all the pain, and I want to be treated with the respect I feel I have earned. This trip has just pushed me to my limit of always being the rock. Well the rock is kinda chipping these days. I feel I am ALWAYS supportive and this time need it to be about me. Of course I can get through the weekend somehow but man it will be tough.

Thanks for answering. Patsie

Jokat
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 278
   Posted 4/20/2009 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Patsie,

Sometimes we have to "suck it up" and take one for the team. This is an important FAMILY outing for your husband and will cause unneccesary Ill will if you do not attend.

I understand your reluctance and hope you find the strength to make it through unscathed... :)

 


JoKat
 
Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us. {Earl Nightingale} 
Fibro since 2005


patsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/20/2009 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I truly do agree JoKat, just a little tired of "sucking up". But I'll get through it and this too shall pass!!

Jokat
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 278
   Posted 4/20/2009 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Say hi to mickey for me!!
My wife and I LOVE going to WDW and she has been itching for another return visit...... I hope that you have an opportunity to get some time without the grandkids and can enjoy the park for a while. Maybe invest in some Walkie talkies so that you can find an excuse to venture off for a little while.....
JoKat
 
Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us. {Earl Nightingale} 
Fibro since 2005


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 4/20/2009 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Patsie, this sounds like a no win situation for you. I would get a motel and do what I felt comfy doing and spend the rest of the time resting. That is what I did last summer when we had to go to a three day reunion for part of my DHs family. His two sisters, cousin and I had a blast shopping in antique stores one afternoon but after that I was done for the day and went back to the motel to rest. I'm glad I went or I wouldn't have had the fun I did with my SILs and cousin.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 4/20/2009 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Doesn't sound like fun to me either! It sounds like this means alot to hubby though and I think I would go but I would make sure to take a couple breaks from everyone and go off and see something else. When I go on trips with my family, we will do plenty together, but then if something interests one of us, and not others, we pick a time and where to meet and rendezvous back together. Talk with hubby and tell him you need this in order to get through- I don't think that is asking too much.   :-)
 
Jill
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


patsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/20/2009 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Jill and Marley great advice. OK I am going to manage the THREE days but take some good time for self. What is wrong with meeting up after they do the park and do dinner etc. Sounds like if I can get a compromise it will work. And Jill if I get lost and miss the rendezvous it will just be Fibro Fog!!!!

Patsie

GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 4/20/2009 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   

I think your on to an idea Patsie- fibrofog! What?? We were supposed to meet when!!? Huh?? Really? I forgot. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry we missed you guys- geesh, this dang fibrofog that comes with fibro!! tongue

Jill


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

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