I suspect that your husband would have reacted differently if he had been able to "enjoy the moment" a little longer before you brought him down to earth.
We all have made sacrifices due to our Fm and our families have had to follow suit. It was a blow to him to have this opportunity shadowed by the Fibro cloud. He surely feels that he has sacrificed so much already and has gotten to the end of his rope.
I would approach him in a positive way about the opportunity, let him know how excited you are for him, and give him this time to have a glowing light.
In a couple days regroup and talk with him about the many desicions you two need to make about the changes that will occur in BOTH of your lives with this new, great opportunity.
Men need accomplishments to maintain our egos. You simply popped his ego when you ended his celebration early.
Oh Danielle. I think if everyone on this forum were to be completely honest, they would admit that at one time or another our partners, friends, co-workers and family have harbored some kind of resentment for this disease. NOT US...the disease. It is a chronic, and some times a dibilitating condition that strips of us our freedom, which in turn affects everyone around us. They tire of hearing us say we can't do certain things, even though they intellectually understand it. We can't be spontaneous. We have to research every facet of a trip or an outting...there are days when the dishes just have to sit, and so do you. You know what I mean.
I do not believe your husband resents you for a moment. I think he resents the disorder, which leads to his frustration. Of course he would just for once like to make a major lifesyle change and not take your disease into consideration. But it is what it is, Danielle. We didn't choose to be struck down with this...it just happened just like any other disease.
My husband pops a vein evey time I leave the garage door open all night. Or lose gas caps and keys. He wonders, with eye rolling, why I am standing in a room and don't know why I am there. Or why every single day I smash my knee caps on the open dishwasher door and coffee table. He does have respect for the pain, but hasn't quite accepted The Fog.
I would just say that this is a catharsis that will pass. None of us are the same people we were ten years ago...with or without fibro. Who would want to be? It may be good that the both of you got this all out in the open. You don't have to wonder anymore. I know you can work through this, with compromise on both sides. Talk, talk talk!
Wish I had a better answer. Good luck and many hugs, my friend. You are strong, and will get through this.
Post Edited (vestabula) : 4/22/2009 7:37:10 AM (GMT-6)
Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.
First, let me give you a gentle hug for about 10 mins. You need one.
That must have been very tough to hear and painful straight through your heart. I hate that feeling, sort of like the emotional wind getting knocked out of you.
But, I think he needed to get it off his chest. I think it was good that he was honest with you and I agree with Jokat, that this can be sort of a new beginning. I also think you should give it a few days to settle and then regroup on it. I think you need to try to move in a positive direction with it, but that's going to take some time.
We fibro-mites have the other side of the coin to deal with.. when we hear that someone has something great and exciting going on in their lives, we can tend to get a little resentful of that too. We always have to be concerned about how to go about doing something adventurous (sp) and new. Will effect our health/pain/fatigue? Would we be able to do something more difficult or challenging?? It instills a little fear in all of us. And we wish we could just go ahead and do something like that without thinking twice or 500 times, before we just jumped in and got started.
I'm really happy for you and your hubby, having an opportunity like this. Yes, it will be challenging for you, but I know YOU can do it!!!! You're a creative thinker.. maybe you can get the kids enrolled in a couple of programs during the summer.. there are things they can do with the parks dept. and stuff that's low or no cost, you just have to find them. Does the school system have any programs for the kids? Maybe one of the churches nearby has a summer program??
I hope you and hubby can grow from this. That's the best way to look at a hurdle in the road.
((((((( more hugs ))))))))))
I have: Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression, TMJ, anxiety Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it. Prov. 25:11
OUCH- and hope things are a little better today.
I know I have times I get SO frustrated with this dang "fibro" - so I know it has to frustrate the close people around us at times too. Two years is a long time to let things build up and it finally came out. Now is the perfect opportunity to get things talked out re: family and summer plans. Just him letting it all out, may have helped "the frustration" part already. We'll be here for you if you need us!