Really need to vent...

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Curlykraut
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 4/23/2009 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I have been having a series of bad days, pain wise.  As if it isn't bad enough my hubby is totally unsympathetic, thinks I can and should be able to do things that I can't and has been nasty about this weight I have gained.  I snapped today, because I am so sick of it.  I told him about a girl at work that was just diagnosed with FM and her husband is going to all these appts. with her and is really helping her cope.  My husband says, 'well is she fat?'  I said 'no' and he says, 'well see there'. 
 
I wanted to crumble and ball my eyes out.  I feel like such an invalid...how can I deal with all of this.  I am taking paxil for my depression, but I am wondering if I should call my dr and askfor cymbalta.  He discussed it with me at my last appt. and said if I want it to call intohis office.
 
Is anyone else in my boat?  I feel alone and sad, I don't even want to be here at home anyway.  I just want to run away where no one knows me.
 
smurf  Jules

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/23/2009 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear jules: i am so sorry you are going through this. I experienced the same  attitude while visiting my mother(a doctor, no less) several years ago. I was flaring uncontrollably, sleeping on the floor, making things way worse . She would get up at all hours of the night and bang cupboards and do dishes (something she otherwise leaves to anybody else but her, she kept trying to get me to work. landscaping, no less. It was awful. I hurt so bad and rec'd no  compassion, no sympathy, no understanding. I finally threw in the towel and moved back to Canada.At least here I can receive assistance, and although it's not enough to live on, well it's better than being on the streets. So, your hubby. Give him the Öpen letter to Normals"in Chutz's post in Fibro 101. Sometimes i think family is the hardest to come to an understanding of what we feel. Shame on hubby for ridiculing you. It could easily be him in your shoes and I'm sure he'd expect compassion and understanding. I hope he sees the light soon.
Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


emiluke
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/23/2009 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Jules,

Just wanted to offer you a big hug. I've been in your position more than once. Remember, you are not alone. We are here.

Chris
~ Fibromyalgia ~   
 
 On Imovane and Lyrica


Curlykraut
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 4/23/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Tyno, your story really made me feel better! I will check out the letter to normals as you suggested.

Danibm, I am being treated for depression, I take Paxil now. I just thought maybe I can kill two birds with 1 stone, ya know? Thanks for your reply and compassion I am so glad this forum is here.

Jules

nmma
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 4/23/2009 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Cymbalta has been a miracle for me.
 
I love it - and paxil mad me crazy, I could not handle it - it actually gave me anxiety worse - like confined to one room peeking out.
 
If you are being treated for depression already - then yes - I highly recommend it.
 
And I'm sorry you are being treated that way.
 
I bet you apologize for your condition too don't you ? I bet you treat and think of yourself the same way - don't you ?
 
I know I have.
 
I caught myself just today - to my 5 and a half yr old when I was hurting as usual - I said " I'm sorry you got stuck with me and my fibro"............... that could teach a person to dismiss other's illnesses as just a pain the rear , huh ?
 
I'm learning not to apologize to my husband for this. I would not expect an apology from him if he were ill.
 
I'm learning to treat myself like I would treat others in pain.
 
 
 
 

patsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/24/2009 4:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Jules,

All I can say is you have to be the person you are now and it is what it is. You cannot pretend to be something you aren't as our bodies will not allow that. I hope this is coming across clearly. I tried so hard to hide this from my significant people and I was the one who suffered. I declare we have to embrace this life as best we can and that is a big thing to do. You cannot make your husband feel anything; he has to find his way himself. If he is the man you think he is he will come around. The letter is a great idea but you have to be the person you are...

Patsie

SleepyBug
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 4/24/2009 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Jules,

Wow. I really don't know what to say except I am so sorry that your husband has said these kinds of hurtful things to you. I am sure that he has his struggles related to your fibro (it's hard on the whole family), but it really is a shame he feels the need to attack you like that. You may have fibro and you may have gained some weight, but you are still a beautiful, wonderful person and I'm sure a good wife and mother. Perhaps you guys could seek some counseling to help him (and you!) work through some of these issues??

I am thinking of you. {{{{gentle hugs}}}
love and hugs
~danielle


fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/24/2009 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   
He needs sensitivity training. I will try to find the Öpen Letter to Normals, for you.

Lefty85
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 4/24/2009 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I am so sorry you are being treated this way. I can somewhat relate to what you are feeling. My father simply does not understand fibromyalgia, no matter how much I try to explain it to him. He'll just stand there and say "well, I have aches and pains too, but I just deal with it." It's so hurtful. The other day he made fun of me because we were walking together and I couldn't keep up with him. What's worse is that I work with my father and my job is very physically demanding. I'm literally in tears every day and he constantly puts me down. I don't even think he really means it. I mean, we can't expect people who don't suffer the way we do to understand it. But I do at least expect a little bit of respect. As far as your husband bringing up a weight issue, I think that is completely ignorant and uncalled for.
I know you must feel so upset, but just remember, everyone here understands what you're going through and we will always be here to help. I wish there was something more I could do for you. I know how much comments like that hurt.
Hugs,

SaraBeth
23 years old
Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in April 2009 ~ Suffering since 2008
Diagnosed with Depression & Anxiety in 2007 ~ Suffering since childhood
***********
Diflusinal, Nortryptiline, Celexa, Flexeril & Percocet as needed
starting Lyrica today (4/23) hoping it helps!!!!
*********** 
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."   -Robert Frost
Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.
 
 
 
 
                                                                                  


DMarie
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 4/24/2009 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Goodness!! I'm so sorry your husband is being so unsupportive. He needs sensitivity training (or a kick in the pants)

We are here for you!! Please don't let his issues affect you getting help for yourself!!

Hugs!
DMarie

Curlykraut
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 4/24/2009 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh thank you to everyone so much, you brought tears to my eyes.  I am so emotional lately.  Thanks again so much, I really needed your encouraging words today.  Hope in healing, Jules smurf

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17095
   Posted 4/24/2009 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Jules, I'm so sorry you are going through this.  As your husband learns more about this illness, his attitude should improve.  He's as angry about fibro as you are.
 
Here is a link to the letter to normals.
 
 
Here is another letter to normals.  These are both good.
 
 
Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 4/24/2009 11:41:51 AM (GMT-6)


NanaNan
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 4/24/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Jules, I am sorry that you are going through this right now. Is it possible that your current medication is causing weight gain? I know that is a side effect for many medications. Maybe you could check with your doctor.

Hugs

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/24/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
My medication causes weight gain. I believe most do. The amyltriptilene is especially bad. Ironically, it is the best for encouraging deep sleep. So, what to do. suffer the sleeplessness, pain, and fatique of not using it; or sleep better, have less pain, and feel somewhat rested, but chubby. wow, what a choice.

Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 4/25/2009 12:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Curlykraut said...
Okay, I have been having a series of bad days, pain wise.  As if it isn't bad enough my hubby is totally unsympathetic, thinks I can and should be able to do things that I can't and has been nasty about this weight I have gained.  I snapped today, because I am so sick of it.  I told him about a girl at work that was just diagnosed with FM and her husband is going to all these appts. with her and is really helping her cope.  My husband says, 'well is she fat?'  I said 'no' and he says, 'well see there'. 
 
I wanted to crumble and ball my eyes out.  I feel like such an invalid...how can I deal with all of this.  I am taking paxil for my depression, but I am wondering if I should call my dr and askfor cymbalta.  He discussed it with me at my last appt. and said if I want it to call intohis office.
 
Is anyone else in my boat?  I feel alone and sad, I don't even want to be here at home anyway.  I just want to run away where no one knows me.
 
smurf  Jules
 I say throw your husband out the door. You can get along without that kind of negativity around. What does he want you to do? Is he in shape? OMG! I'm sorry I ......OH!......

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/25/2009 4:06 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm with Hara; Who needs all that negativity. Of course you may be in a bind. He needs a wake-up call. How about "the week the women went", take a few days or a week and go somewhere. Tell him you are slayed by his unkind words and need to "re-evaluate". He's probably having his own mid-life crisis. Thinks a sporty car and a sporty wife will make a man of him. I'd like to "make a man of him", meet me outside buster. Inconsiderate rude, narcissistic people p--- me off. The world would be a far better place if people minded their manners and treated others with respect, kindness, and compassion. As Amanda Marshall says in her song; "everybody has a story that'll break your heart". Climb into my shoes for a bit buster.

I am glad the open letter to Normals, surfaced. Print it out, give it to him. Both of them, take a vacation. Leave him to ponder. Nobody gets out of this life alive. His day too, will come. He could easily be in your situation of much worse. Would you turn your back and critisize him if he were injured, sick, in pain. Not. Every man should have his you know what's tied in a knot with a pull cord so every time you feel pain you can just give a gentle yank. Sorry, just venting. i been happily married for twenty four years this August. We lived together for the first three. Never again, for me. I don't hate men, nor do I lump them all together as inconsiderate, insensitive or in anything. There are some mighty fine fellows out there. Unfortunately most are taken, or Gay. Gay men are kind, sensitive, and compassionate. some of the finest people I know. They are in touch with their feminine side. Gotta go, the Bro Hood is coming for me.  


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 4/25/2009 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   

I am in the same situation with the medicine and weight gain as you.  I know that it is hard for our family's to understand this illness but I can't believe that your husband would speak to you that way.  That is total disrespect and uncalled for.  If my husband spoke to me that way, things would be over pretty quickly unless he changed his tune.  Your weight should not have anything to do with how he sees you.  The meer fact that we are willing to take a medicine that causes weight gain just for some relief is all that any family member should need to hear for understanding.  What woman wants to gain extra weight? 

You need to demand some respect or things will just get worse.  You are a beautiful person inside and out and no person should make you feel any less. 


Meggie
 
Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Restless Leg Syndrome, Migraines
42 year old proud mom of three daughters


Stari
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 4/25/2009 12:38 PM (GMT -7)   
The first letter to normals is amazing. I feel like I am losing my mind because I walk into a room and have no idea why I am in there. Oh the keys..took me a week to find them one time.

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/25/2009 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Stan; It seems to me that as time passes with this disease, the Fibro fog worsens. I remember my first five years, sharp as a tack, working two jobs, raising two kids. Now, as you say, I walk into a room, or a store, or anywhere and totally lose the "why". I don't know if it's caused by an accumulation of meds, or by disease progression. By the way Stan, why are we on the Disrespectful husband forum talking about memory problems, lol? See, stands to reason, eh Stan?

Curlykraut
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 4/25/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh how I love this site and all you super people!!!  I love the letter to the normals and your part about throwing him out the door!!!!  I love it!  I don't have the energy, bummer cry .
 
Thanks to everyone, I feel so loved.  Jules smurf
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