I'm So Miserable

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/25/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm soo sick of always being sick I can't deal with it anymore I seriously wish I was diagnosed with a terminal illness - I hate myself now - I can never be normal why would I wanna live like this - my family thinks fibro = a reason to use- I get crap for taking nausea pills I can't do anything right - can't work like normal people and by dad says he needs by help I feel guilty for not being there 100% and I was stuck in bed two days last week-people think my lire is perfect but it's ****ed up- no real support here I'm smiling because I don't know what else to do I was hopitaliEd to help me get off the mess and now I'm really trying to deal with it but it's a mission everything a mission- I feel like god is punishing me or that I'm supposed to feel like crap all the time but I don't think I can do rthis everyday forever- what kind of life is this to be living ? Is this living at all- things have never been worse and it's not looking very good right now I really wish I was dead- I feel like a guinea pig with all the mede I get a terrible reaction about talking about treatment - people will do anything now a days- hey of someones in pain I'm passing it around - soooo get over it it's not gonna do as muchharm as all the other meds- and I've seem the worst out of detoxing off of percocet daveys oxy- valuim soma - Xanax - vicodin ect- so get it straight all the meds we take will  so where to u draw the line? Tylonol? - I'm a good person and I'm tried of living like this!! I know something has got to give- addictions one thing- but at least there is a solution but denial about what these so called meds is bs- fibro isn't curable it's like someone telling u ur gonna suffer ur. Whole life- u tell me for what?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 4/26/2009 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   
You sound freakin' angry, and you have every right to feel this way.  Get mad.  Let those emotions out.  Dealing with Fibromyalgia is a lifelong sentence and grieving is going to be with us most of the time.  Anger is a stage of grieving.  Go with it.  It's important to let your emotions out. Turn on the tap and let 'er rip!!  I wish I had a punching bag to exert my anger on.....
I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in how you feel.  I'm right here with you, and so is everyone else. I wish I could pack my suitcase and escape to a beautiful, quiet tropical island and just "be".  I'm not sure if that is some sort of metaphor for how I'm feeling. Like I want to run away from life.  Escape.  Do you ever feel that way?
*Sigh*. Sending you big, gentle hugs,
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

35 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, Anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke, 2002), Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck), anxiety, Chinook migraines. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, Neurontin, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus
Co-Moderator for the Lupus and Fibromyalgia forums

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 4/26/2009 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Hurting,

We have all gone through this, and it can get better. You have to learn to go with it. You do have every right to get angry. We all do. But the emotions don't get you anywhere, and worrying only makes the pain worse. If I were you, I would check out the malic acid. It really does help. I can live an atleast halfway normal life since I started taking it. And it really helps the energy level.

Try taking a walk. Even if it is a short one. It does help. Gets the endorphins going for you. So give that a try.

Just don't give in to the fibro. Keep moving around. If you don't you will hurt more and be stiff. Dance, that is good exercise. Turn on some of your favorite music and just dance. If nothing esle, I get a good laugh out of it. Which laughter is good for the soul.

I also take vitamin D3. That really helps with all over well being. Most fibromites are low in vite D.

I hope that this helps some. The best thing that you can do is not to give up.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17061
   Posted 4/26/2009 10:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hurting, every one of us is in pain with this illness.  We didn't ask for it but we do try to make the best of a bad situation.  I personally think that  your anger and depression over this is causing you more extreme pain.  And, because you have said that you had problems before, narcotics are not the answer, unless your doctor feels that you can handle them. 
I do care a lot about you and what I'm going to say is what I would say if you were my child.  I'm a no-nonsense type of person so keep that in mind.  wink    If I were you, I'd try to get the depression under control and the anger out.  Then  you can face fibro head on.  You need to try different things to see what works best for you.  If you are looking to be pain-free, I don't think that will happen.  It hasn't happened for me and I've had it for over 22 years now. 
Some people might get irritated at me because they think I don't have fibro as bad as they do, but, trust me, I do have plenty of pain.  I just don't usually talk about it and I don't dwell on it either.  I dread nighttime.  I don't sleep and am up 4-6 times a night, I am moaning when trying to move even a little in bed, I'm very stiff when getting up in the morning and I hurt to breathe most of the time.  This is when I'm NOT in a flare.  If I get in a flare, I barely can walk or get out of a chair but I absolutely refuse to allow this illness to steal my life away.  I only take ibuprofen with food and extra strength Tylenol to take the edge off the pain.  I use malic acid/magnesium supplements and vitamin D supplements and they have helped a lot with the pain, too.  I do have Vicodin in my medicine cabinet for break-through pain but I have never taken one. 
I know that if I stretch and keep moving, the pain will ease some and I won't hurt as much.  If you sit or lay too much, the pain will be worse upon getting up.  That's why most of us are so sore and stiff in the morning.  When I'm on the computer, I get up and walk around about every 20 minutes or so.  I walk for exercise and I couldn't walk far at first but I built myself up and now am enjoying morning walks with my dog.  There have been times when I've been in a flare that I'm limping badly and wondering why I'm walking the dog, but I continue and am usually a little better by the time I get home.  If not, I'm at least proud of my accomplishment.  I do realize that I will have bad days and I will have good days.  I anticipate each new day as being a good day.  If it isn't, that's alright.  I can make it through the day because tomorrow could be a good day.  You have to take each day at a time.  But, I think you get up planning on being miserable and that's exactly what happens.
You need to start living and enjoying life.  You need to stop thinking about the pain you are in and just try to do some fun things.  Try the stretches and try doing some gentle exercises.  That will help with depression, too.  Look at the good things in your life.  I know you have some...everyone does.  Try to put your focus on things other than fibro.  Your negative thinking is only causing you more stress which is causing more depression which is causing more pain.  You are in a vicious cycle right now and you need assistance to stop it.  An antidepressant that will work for you is a good start.  Making some plans with friends or watching a funny movie that will make you laugh will help.  I know you are probably shaking your head wondering what this crazy lady is telling you, but all of these things help a little and, when you bundle them together, they help a lot! 
I want to see you enjoy your life instead of hating it.  I have done many, many things in my life that I never thought I could do with fibro.  But, I never gave up and I've always given things a try.  Or, I find ways of working around fibro in order to do the things I really want to do.  If you plan ahead and pace  yourself, you can have a good life in spite of this illness.  

Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 4/26/2009 9:56:03 AM (GMT-6)

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