i tried to run away.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/9/2009 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   
ive been absent for a while now... i ran away on purpose. i would go to this site and then quickly change the subject in my brain to something else... one day i asked why? why had the safe haven turned to a place of avoidance? a woman i call my friend and mentor (with all fibro related) told me there is a process thats very similar in our journey with having fibro. i think i realized i was at a place of trying to run away... or what i thought was "moving on". I received my diagnosis in march. i had been through three years of back and forth trying to find answers.... i had been WAITING for that very day... and yet, as i sat with the phone in my hand after the doctor had called i was suddenly without a cause. i was suddenly left without a search, without a hunt... i was left with a diagnosis. she prescribed me lyrica which i admit did help a little... but that little wasn't enough to constitute the weight gain or other adverse affects. she recommended a switch to cymbalta.... i started that monday and on tuesday i had to stay home sick with a stomach bug going around(or so i thought). on thursday i went to work per usual and at around 10am i started feeling so strange. i was telling customers the wrong info even though i knew good and well what the right answer was! at about 10:30 i starting feeling severe vertigo. i couldn't think straight... i was planted in my chair and couldnt move. i was there in body but the rest of me had the feeling of slipping away. i somehow drove to my mothers work and someone mentioned that my pupils were HUGE. they said i looked like a typical severely dehydrated person, so mom decided to call my doctor. while she was calling i could feel myself slipping away again... only this time i couldnt come back. i could hear my mom shouting at me to look at her but i couldnt speak or move. the doctor said go to the ER immediately. i spent almost 6 hours there and they couldnt figure out what was wrong... it wasnt dehydration. i luckily had an AMAZING ER doctor. :) he finally looked at me and said i think its the cymbalta. so he called my rheumy who had prescribed it and asked what she wanted me to do... her opinion was although it could be what caused my trip to the ER she thought i should stay on it. we allll including my ER dr were appauled. he said he would never want to step on toes but he recommended i stay away. he had never seen anything like it. later i read about cymbalta and listed under the "go to hospital immediately" severe reactions were mine. cymbalta had done a major work on my brain... it took my body a good week to recover. i've been so up and down lately. that made me mad... then work was stressful and i felt like i had too much on my plate. i'm used to going into survival mode... but i've learned with my fibro all that does is cause a flare. do i really have to deal with emotions as they come? can't i just shove them aside for another day? everything turned from fighting to get my diagnosis... fighting to prove i was right, that i wasnt crazy in the head... well i got my justification, but there really isnt a reward for this. i remembered i needed you guys. so i'm back. i need to be around those who understand.... i need to talk and vent about this area of my life. i need to not be okay... and i need yall because you understand why.

thank you for being here even when i go away for a little while.

thank you for being you.

New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 5/9/2009 7:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome back. Although I am new to the forum I am not new to fibro. I had been dealing with it on my own for so long. Family and friends try to understand but they can't possibly know how it feels!!!! There is no explaination, description, symptom that makes any sense. It has been frustrating and sad and lonely at times. cry

I have found a lot of great posts here and it has ben wonderful. Symptoms that I'd been having that I didn't even know how to tell the doctor about because I thought "this is crazy, I just need to get tougher." My husband says I need more exercise which I know I do but how can I exercise when I can't even hardly move????

Well I know I'm not alone anymore and neither are you. I love the closings on a lot of the posts and will steal it now for you.

Sending gentle hugs....

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 5/10/2009 12:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh Sunshine!!!

I am so glad you came back to your fibro family!!! My heart was in tears when I read what you've been through. I totally agree with those ER folks..it was the cymbalta that you were reacting to. I tried one dose and was so darn sick that I never took another pill. Ultimately it is YOUR decision whether you take a pill or not, but I think you are very wise to go with the majority and especially with 'your gut' feelings and stop taking it.

I truly believe that we go through a mourning process after a diagnosis like fibromyalgia. The denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We each experience these in different amounts and maybe different orders but I do think we often go through the process. Our old life is gone and we long for it to come back. But the people here are living proof that you can lead a wonderful life even WITH fibro...or in spite of it maybe. Hang on my dear Sunshine (extending hand) and we'll help you get to where you are in a more secure and comfortable place. No more running...you're going to be OK.

Please know what you are loved and appreciated here. We need you to help us all keep going. With more of us pulling together the load is easier for each one of us.

Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 5/10/2009 8:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Chutzie and Sunshine: Sorry, what you had to go through Sunshine. It sounds time to hunt down another doctor to treat the fibro. Yup, the prescription for cymbalta comes with a free set of golf clubs for the Rheumy, as does the Lyrica, but doesn't you count. Isn't it amazing that the very last person consulted about our bodies are those of us whom room there, 25/8/400 days a year.
And dear Chutzie; that "mourning process" of which you speak, it never really ever ends does it. As we age, we lose more and more of our functioning, this goes for those elusive "normals", as it does for us. Every stop along the way has with it a loss. A new loss. Like, yesterday I had planned a full day. I thought I'd get three things done, instead of the two, I actually got done. I lay on my bed totally exhausted, hungry but unable to get up to hunt for food, dozed, and then finally, realised the third thing wasn't going to happen. This third being, to drive 60 miles, visit my eldest son for an hour or two, he's always working, hard to catch, then had to call him and cancel. It near broke my heart. He lives 60 miles away, almost never has any "free time", had a couple hours after work yesterday, I so wanted to go. My body would not move. I was devasted. You know that "learned helplessness I'm always yapping about, well I felt it "loud and clear". "You cannot do this one thing that you so want to do. Period so loud, it stung my ears.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 5/10/2009 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
LittleMissSunshine I'm sorry you have been going through so much. Even though we need to have a dx it doesn't make having fibro any easier. Yes there are a lot worse things we could have but having fibro is devastating. And then to have such reactions to the meds that are suppose to help you.
I'm so glad you came back to your fibro family so we can be here for you and try to help you through this.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/11/2009 12:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Littlemisssunshine, I am new here also. I know how U feel. Cant describe it to people. They dont understand how U feel. I have restless legs and arms going on now for about 2 weeks. Cant sleep. Do to much and your down. Constant pain. Weather plays a big role. Meds help, but pain still there. Bottom of feet hurt just to stand, blurring vision from lyrica. Im glad your back. It is nice to vent like you said. I had a inactive thyroid that I think brought it on. Then neck/back surgery, c4,5,6. If you need to chat, let me know. We all need to stick together and help each other out through this tough battle....

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 5/11/2009 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   

I think reality hit you LittleMissSunshine- and it is not easy at first to come to terms with. On occasion it is still surreal that this has happened to me. It's hard to let go of the old us. sad The good part of getting a diagnosis is that you "know" what is going on with your body and that it is not anything terminal or another disease that could be worse. Now it is time to grieve and then get on with your life and living again.

We are all here for you!



Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

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