I think the hubby has given up!

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vestabula
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   Posted 5/15/2009 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Soo...I had a Meniere's attack yesterday and was pretty much incapacitated(except for a jaunt to the doctor because I took Pepto Bismol, my tongue turned black and I thought I had some kind of black thrush or something...Oh my...always read the label before you think you're dying)  Anyway, I heard him emptying the dishwasher this morning and thought 'what a nice guy', as he knows I always have a headache after hours of spinning.  All of a sudden I heard this loud clatter and discovered he has emptied the silverware basket in the drawer without putting the untensils in the trays.  I might add the trays were almost empty. I asked him why he did that and his reply was "I have given up on trying to be organized around here."  First of all, if there is a flat space, he will pile something on it...papers, magazines, articles for his classes but THEY ARE ORGANIZED!  I can hardly function in clutter, I don't care how 'organized' it is.  SOOOOO...I took the drawer and dumped it on a towel on the kitchen floor and told him now he could just bend down and pick out whatever he wanted to eat with.  He said, Okay..good idea! (he thinks it would be easier on me if I put all the utensils in their own section in the silverware basket so when I empty it, I wouldn't take so long...who cares?)
 
He gets the pain.  He just can't grasp the fog and how when I start to do something, I get sidetracked and there are several projects going on at the same time.  I have tried to tell him I AM SHORT and I can't reach the top shelves in the cabinets without standing on a stool.  NO WAY...I have no balance!  If I have to put pots and pans away, I have to sit on the floor....then if he's not around to help me up, I have to hoist myself on the counter top which I have all but pulled out of the wall.  So things get put away that may not be as 'orgainzed' as he would like.
 
He has ALWAYS been supportive and considerate of my fibro and other various disorders.  He has explained it to others that don't 'get it'.  This reaction to his obvious frustration really upset me, and made me mad...hence the silverware all over the floor.  But, I guess all of us with this disorder can push our loved ones just so far, without doing anything different...just doing what we do.
 
It's finals week and he is overwhelmed with papers to grade...which I have been helping him do.
 
Maybe that's it... or maybe he has just finally given up on me! (as i sit here looking at five file folders, a stack of text books and a dozen Wall Street Journals stacked on my dining room table).  Don't dare touch them...they are 'organized'.
 
Just venting.  Just venting...just venting.  Amen.
 
Donna
 
 
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


Sherrine
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 5/15/2009 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Donna, I think he's just under a lot of stress right now with it being finals week.  He is overworked and he's also under stress with your health issues.  You had a bad day yesterday and, even though he was working, I'm sure that was on his mind too. 
 
As far as putting all the utensils in their own section, forks and spoons would stick together and you would have baked on food with them when you went to put them away or you would have wet spoons and forks that stuck together and really weren't cleaned.  I always mix up the utensils in the sections.
 
I know you are upset but things will be better in a few weeks.  Hope you are having a better day today with the fibro and Meniere's.
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Binki
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Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 5/15/2009 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
ahhh, Donna ((Hugs))

Sorry to hear whats goin' on at home. I'm not sure what menieres is, but are you better? I bet your hubby is letting out some fustrations with the stress he is having with all the finals he needs to grade. He will come around after finals I'm sure.

Just wanted send you some hugs........

Hang in there....

(((((Hugs))))) :-)
Lori  
 
Dx Fibro 1/2008, gastritis
 
300mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Vitamin D3, Menopausal Support Multi-vitamin, Ultracet and/or Fentanyl patch as needed


vestabula
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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 5/15/2009 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Sherrine and Binki...I'm sure its the stress too.  Meniere's is a disease of the middle ear.  The tubes fill with fluid if I eat too much salt and I have vertigo, nausea and a head ache from spinning for hours.  I can't do anything until it passes...and thanks...it's better today.
huggies
Donna
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


donnaeil
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Date Joined Jun 2006
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   Posted 5/15/2009 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you two were meant for each other. You sound like a wonderful couple. No one gets offended and you both eventually understand how each reacts to stress.

Love,

Donnaeil

Dagger
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 5/15/2009 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Even in the best marriages where both people are healthy, stuff like this happens. Make a date with your husband after finals and talk. Pick a place where you would feel comfortable if the conversation gets emotional, and talk.

My husband and I take coffee/tea down to our car at night and sit in the parked car and talk away. We've had our best (and worst) conversations in the car. I know it may sound weird but it really works for us.

GamJill
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   Posted 5/16/2009 5:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Donna- I don't think hubby has given up, your too adorable! Couples have their quirks and things that bother one another. You don't like clutter, he functions best in clutter. That would drive me c-r-a-z-y because I can't stand clutter either. If my house/surroundings are cluttered- my mind feels cluttered!
 
I always have a method to my madness. Both of my sons know that. I have always told them "they" may not understand, but I do!
 
Hope things are a little better today for the two of you- :-)
 
Jill
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


Marlee2
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Date Joined Aug 2007
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   Posted 5/16/2009 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope you both feel better after releasing some stress. smilewinkgrin I'd be happy if Ken's messes were organized, the man doesn't know the meaning of the word. He wanted me to get on the computer the other night and look at lawnmowers and make a decision about a mower he is thinking about buying. First of all I could care less about what mower he buys but it was nice of him to run it by me before he went out and bought one, he has learned not to make large purchases without me knowing it from his past mistakes. devil I think he was a little upset that I didn't jump up and look at them that moment but I was done thinking and making decisions for the day. He can get pouty like a child but he gets over it. I do have to remind myself that I may be the one with fibro and the other great problems I have but it also affects him everyday too. He is swamped right now at work and has a lot on his mind so I should have looked at them so he could have made a decision and moved on to something else.
 
I'm glad your better today Donna.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
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Sherrine
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 5/16/2009 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey, Marlee!  Why don't you ask Ken to get on the computer and look at the hot tub you are thinking of buying!   devil   You've wanted it for two years.

Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Marlee2
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 5/16/2009 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
No kidding, but the kids have a 4-wheeler to ride. devil I'm being nice to him right now after him getting Tiquey for me for Mother's Day. He does the early morning thing with them so I can sleep which is very nice of him. You know I don't have much to complain about when it comes to my husband Sherrine.
 
I do find it strange that all the years I took care of the yards he wasn't concerned about how big a path the mowers cut to make it quicker to mow.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


pattipanda
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Date Joined Jan 2009
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   Posted 5/16/2009 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Awwwe, Donna, I feel your pain and I'm sitting on it. 

I agree with everyone else.. he's a stress ball right now. 

But at lease you have a dishwasher!!!  I'd love to have one!! 

Stressed out spouses when you're not feeling too well really makes getting better harder.  I think stress is kinda contagious.

Just wanted to pop in and give you a hug.

HUGSSSS!!!


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
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vestabula
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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 5/16/2009 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   

thank you all for your support and kind words...everything was put in perspective today when we took our little dog Vesta to the vet thinking 'this was really it this time'.  She is 18 years old and has congestive heart failure...we were up all night with her watching her try to breath.  Anyway, the vet left us alone so we could say our good byes and she jumped out of my arms and ran all aroung the office, inclduding the surgical ward and a tech had to catch her.  The vet couldn't believe it...then he let her outside and she ran around the yard, sniffing, etc.  Soooo...he put her on more Lasix and valium so she doesn't pace the floors at night.  I told him I didn't want her to suffer and he assured me, at this point she wasn't but the day is coming, and soon.  Hopefully, she will die in her sleep and I won't have to take her to the vet again...she shakes the minute we pull into his driveway.  Right now she is better on the medication.  But I know I have to accept this and do the right thing...can't be selfish and try to hold on.

Anyway...the tiff between the hubby and I is over, all though the silverware is still on the kitchen floor!  It's really quite convenient down there on the nice clean towel!

thank you all again.  Stress is a bummer. 

many Huggies

Donna

 


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


MT Lady
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 5/16/2009 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((Donna))))
Oh my goodness, I can so relate...I know what you are going through. As you know, I just went through this with my Cassidy, last month. I cannot tell you how many times I ran to the vet with her thinking this is the time, only to take her back home with me. We love our dogs so much and just don't want them to suffer. Your vet knows how you feel and I'm certain he/she will not let your Vesta suffer. My thoughts are truly with you,
Miriam

Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.


Chutz
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Date Joined Jan 2005
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   Posted 5/16/2009 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Donna,

One more vote...you are a wonderful woman and he has not given up. You probably know it way down deep inside but when the person we love the most strikes out at us it's so hard to deal with it. Pain in the heart can make physical pain pale in comparison. I have scars on my heart that will never go away from those I love but I know their love is stong and is still there. Getting though those times is hard...that's why we're always here for you.

Hugs!
Chutzie smilewinkgrin
Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
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Statgeek
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 5/16/2009 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Donna, I am glad you are getting along better. You are right, something like the heartache over your Vesta can help you get your head on straight. This fibro has got to be tough on our significant others since they take on so much for us. It is nice that you were helping him grade. what does he teach and what papers is he grading? You are a pretty amazing woman - keep hanging in there.
sue

vestabula
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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 5/17/2009 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Statgeek...he teaches statistics, micro-economics, investments and banking and some other business classes.  I can oly help him grade the multiple choice questions on the scantron sheets.  I can't read the essays...don't know squat about any of those subjects!  If he was back in the class room they wouldn't load him down with so many different courses to teach...but they really take advantage of on-line professors.  Of course, he teaches for about four or five schools or we couldn't eat!

Huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


tyno3
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Date Joined May 2008
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   Posted 5/17/2009 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Veastabula; wow!, what a lot of stuff going on eh? My gram (my all time best favorite gram in the world who died about five years ago, nothing's ever been "ok" since), had menieres' disease. So I know of what you speak. She too would have spells where she couldn't get up out of a chair or bed w/o toppling over. My Grampa took over all the housework, cooking etc. He wouldn't let her in the kitchen for fear she'd topple onto the stove or bang her head on something. It was frustrating for both of them. He, because she kept trying to get into the kitchen to bake something, and she b/c if caught, well, she would "catch it", from Papa. So, eventually they just fell into their respective roles, he would do the kitchen work, she would make beds, sew, whatever didn't have any sharp edges.

Do people always sort their cutlery? I don't. I suppose at one point I thought it necessary, but with Fibro, it's gone. I don't even bother with a tray. Just have a pot of large cup, stand cutlery washed, tongs, prongs and spoon heads up, so folk can see what they're getting and it sits on counter till there's no more clean. Then I wash dishes, same deal. We have 25,000 days. I sure don't want to spend any fussing over forks. Fibro steals about 1/3 to 1/2 of these. No time for quibbling, get on with it.

Like "who left the toothpaste cap off, and who forgot to take out the garbage."(Bono)
I am sure there are more important things to be concerned about.

Living with people is hard. I've never been good at it. I find I need a lot of space. I need a lot of quiet. I need a lot of freedom, not having to account to anyone for what I'm doing or if I'm "doing it right". Not a great roommate. Cranky too. Since my run in with bad medicine I have been way off my game. This is not my "A" game, right now, nor my "B" game, it's my "Z" game. I have no patience. Who can be patient when however they stand, sit or kneel, they hurt. Lie down hurts, everything hurts, almost always. Hard to be upbeat, pleasant and positive. I want to hide somewhere. Hubby is likely way stressed out also. It cannot be easy, living with us. Nope, not easy at all. Love Ya all.
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