Feeling so alone

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 5/15/2009 2:37 PM (GMT -6)   
I look around my apartment and see so many things that need doing and I'm the only one to do them.  Seems Jayson has given up on me and our home too.  This last stroke was just too much for him to handle.  I am slower then I was before and forget all time.  He gets so mad at me and has no pateince for me anymore.  I told him that I am going to spend my stimulus payment to pay my daughter to help clean since all the walls and ceilings have to cleaned in order to paint and I just cant do it and he says he works all day and doesnt want to clean when he gets home.  I told him I would do it with him but now I guess I will do it with my daughter.  It seems that I just get done cleaning up one mess when theres another.  Jayson comes home and hits the couch with his laptop and thats where he stays all night.  He has me bring him his meals because he feels that he works all day and deserves that should be waited on.  One minute he says he can do it himself and does and then the next he changes his tune and asks me to do it for him and forget me hurting or depessed he says its all I evr do and im always needing something or feeling sick.   I do feel sick alot and I wish I could change that but I am what I am and I guess I am a mess.  I have to hear all his negativty even the porch that I was so proud of looks like a darn gramma house that he's sick of seeing all the flowers.  I just dont know what to do thats right and I dont know how to feel better so I can do more.  Sorry just venting here and feeling like a useless person who cant get back to who I was and am I so bad to live with? this morning he came into my room and asked me where a apron was,first I was asleep and it took me a min to become awake and then when I told him were I thought it was he just slammed the door and started saying what good was I and then slammed the door when he left.  Mind you this was at 5am.  I got up and I found it right where I said it was so I called him told him I found it and he says there was already one at work and he hung up.  I give up everything I do is wrong even when its right.
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Had another stroke 2/09 and it took my speach for the most part and dont know when it will coming back. Caused serious stroke symptoms on right side of body.
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2854
   Posted 5/15/2009 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   

 Hi Karen...did you see my post today about the hubby giving up on me...sounds like we are both on the same page.  My husband has been working at least a 60 hour week teaching on line...he has a class that is so consuming he swore he wouldn't ever teach it again, but lo and behold he announced he was teaching it this summer.  There are so many things that have to be done around here too that he promised WE would get to...not gonna happen.  He has always loved teaching, especially since many of his students are in the military and in war zones and he cuts them a lot of slack and they appreciate that.  Today he said he hates what he does.  He's burned out and I feel guilty because with all my illnesses I can't help financially anymore.  He wants to know why I don't finish the book I started to write months ago as I already have an interested publisher.  BECAUSE my eyes blur looking at the computer and THE FOG interfers with constructing a coherent sentence!  I feel like you do...I can't do anything right and I'm afraid he is sick and tired of ME being sick and tired.

All I can say is that I'm with you all the way, girl.  I know how you feel...I understand how you feel and I wish I had an answer that would help us not think we are so useless.  I mowed the lawn on Mother's Day with my son as he was working and he has no idea what that did to my legs and back. (it's 3/4 of an acre with hills)  I try to help in any way I can, and I know you do too.  We can only do what we can do.  This too shall pass, I am sure, for both of us.  I try to understand what it must feel like for him to be living with someone who just can't move on some days.

Take care and I am thinking of you.  YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON and don't ever forget that!




fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17057
   Posted 5/15/2009 3:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Awww, Karen, I'm sorry you are having this problem.  But you are not alone.  I think it's something in the air or the drinking water.  You know how "up" I usually am?  Well, I have had a week of feeling useless, too.  My life was caring for my family and they are now all gone.  But, you know, I think the economy is playing into all of our lives BIG TIME!  Everyone is feeling the pinch and people like us can't pitch in and do a whole lot so that plays on our minds.  But, we will get through this, all of us, together.
Jayson sounds like he needs some help with depression.  He's working hard and I know he is worried about your health.  I remember when you were so sick that he came on the forum with updates.  He loves you and can't stand seeing you having these problems.  He can't fix it so he is angry inside and is lashing out at the closest person to him...you, unfortunately. 
Both of you need patience right now.  You love the flowers on your porch so you keep them.  He doesn't have to sit out there.  You have gotten compliments on your flowers every year and that is something you love and it makes you feel good.  He knows this, too.  Right now he is just angry.
Now, you do not have to wash the walls before you paint.  We never did.  When I was young, my husband and I were both smokers and the ceiling was tinted yellow from nicotine.  But we painted every two years and never once washed a wall or ceiling.  So don't waste your money or your time.  Besides, you shouldn't have to pay your daughter for her help.  You have done plenty for her and it cost you another piece of your health.  It seems to me that she would come and help you paint and be happy she could help her Mom.  
You just hang tight, Karen.  You are definitely not alone here and, as I said before, we will come out on the other side!  
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 5/15/2009 9:06 PM (GMT -6)   

First of all, you "sound" great in your posts. So, that is a positive thing. OK, so besides Jayson acting like a this way, he is also acting like a man (sorry for the man slamming). I saw my mom work her butt off with a full time job, raise 3 kids pretty much on her own, and then take care of the 4th kid-my father. She still waits on him to this day, and I swore that I'd never be with such a selfish man. But guess what? Almost every guy I've been with has been like my father.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that Jayson is treating you this way. Obviously it's not your fault what has happened to you. I don't doubt that he's stressed and frustrated, but he's acting like a big baby! OMG-I can't stand it when a guy changes his mind every 2 seconds like that. I mean, make up your mind! LOL-yeah, I've had some man issues I haven't worked through.

Please know that we are here to support you. BTW-you have every right to use that stimulus check however you want. It has your name on it-not his. If he doesn't like how you're using it, then he needs to pick up a broom! smilewinkgrin

I'm so glad you're back! yeah

Fibro, Anxiety, Chronic Pain

Lyrica 100mg BID, Klonopin 1mg BID, Zoloft 100mg BID, Methadone 75mg (methadone maintenance-NOT for pain), Ibuprofen 800mg QID prn, Prilosec OTC

I'll take the Chivas instead-Kelly Clarkson

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 5/15/2009 11:57 PM (GMT -6)   

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like Sherrine has some history with you and your husband, so I would listen to her. She makes perfect sense to me.

But on a more personal note, I have felt the way you do many many times in my life with regard to my husband. It comes especially when your health has taken a hit like you and your stroke and you start to second guess your worthiness and believe that your husband thinks you are less worthy. Probably not true, but at the same time, he could be a little more sensitive too. Kelly is right, he is acting like a big baby when he acts the way you have described. I want to say stand up for yourself girl, but I wouldn't have always been able to take that advice, so I will just say that I will say a prayer for you and ask God to bless you, OK??

Hang in there. You are certainly not alone!!

Moderator Chronic Pain
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 5/16/2009 1:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen,
Sounds like this disease and the stroke have ganged up on you and you are feeling hopeless. I am glad you came to us to talk. I don't have anything smart to say except I hear you.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 5/16/2009 1:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh i love you guys so much!!!!! I dont feel alone anymore when you all reach out to me. I was feeling really down today, its like i cant hold things like I did and I constantly trip cause I drag my foot and I try to remember to hold it up but when I am tired my body just doesnt work anymore. And I ve been so very tired lately. I feel like taking a nap but am afriad of what Jay will say, His constant teasing is getting me and when we are even at teh grocery store he takes my card and does everything himself not waiting to see if Im going to do it myself. Its late and im tired and randy is coming tomorow. Tomorow is another day,lets hope its better then this one =0
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Had another stroke 2/09 and it took my speach for the most part and dont know when it will coming back. Caused serious stroke symptoms on right side of body.
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 5/16/2009 5:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen.  I just wanted you to know I thinking about you and sending soft cyber (((hugs))) your way. 
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 5/16/2009 6:37 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Karen!!

It is so nice to see your post! And how far you have come since the stroke! Sounds like you are doing everything possible that your body can do, so please be kind to yourself- you are making great progress. Hubby sounds stressed being impatient, wishy washy, saying hurtful things. Women operate on emotion, men are factual and his emotions are probably coming out sideways. I hope this changes, and if it does not, you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. 

If Jayson is tired from working, by all means have daughter help paint- not sure why you have to pay her? Your her mom and you need help with this project. As far as being right or wrong- there is no right or wrong recovering from a stroke and having fibro! It is a day to day thing and go by what your body is telling you to do or not do.

Hang on to what brings you joy- like your flowers. If it is getting out of control, maybe downsize a bit, so it can be more manageable for you right now and when your able to do more, have flowers galore-  :-)   Your not alone Karen- we are but a couple taps away on the keyboard, so stay in touch and let us know how you are doing!




Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

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