It has been awhile

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Irish Babe
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1371
   Posted 5/19/2009 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I hope you are all doing well today. I haven't posted in a couple of months. Things have been very rough for a bit and I just haven't had the mental strength to write. So many things have been going south, and I guess I've been feeling too fragile. I don't like to be a person who is 'asking' for help or support when I don't know that I have the strength to give needed support back to others. I felt it was better to just keep to myself.
 
I have done just that. I have basically isolated myself as much as possible and I feel more lost. Didn't think that was possible. cry
I feel like I am in such of pit of depression. I have had so much stuff going on w/ my mother and her house, and my sister. I have had my mother over w/ me for much of the last 2 months, as my sister is having major work done on her house. My DM can't be alone, she is very unsteady. So I am 'ON' from early in the morning till she goes to bed at 9pm. She and I get along very nicely, so there is no friction, I am just drained. I have to take her to drs, lifting her up and down steps (my house) and I am so wiped out after the visits.
 
I have been trying to get the rest of her house cleaned up and ready for inspection, so I can put it on the market. I just spent Sunday over there, w/ my family. We did more painting, repairs to stove and backsplash, the new rugs are to come in this wk. This was after I spent the morning at Church w/ my last religion class. They made their Sacrament, they changed the whole schedule of things and it was not well organized as in the past. I was up from 6am (awake from 3am) and we finally had dinner out (at 6pm)  following this L- O- N- G day, only to return to our house to get a call from my sister screaming and carrying on about our mother. I prayed for patience, b/c I just wanted to tell her to go to ...! I can't leave my mother alone, I can only go someplace when there is someone to watch her.
 
I called Soc Serv to ask for help and the lady was very nice, but due to a loan my DM made to sis, that can screw up getting her in the NH.
 
I had an appt w/ eye dr., they are still cking for glaucoma, I can't get into ear dr till mid June. I was turned down by SS, I had to get an atty. He wants me to see a dr for depression. I have had a hard time admitting I am depressed. I have always tried to work thru things, I feel overwhelmed and so lost.  I don't mean to be a downer to anyone, that's why I didn't post for so long. There are other things going on, but I just don't have the energy to go there now.
 
I will close now, I have more 'stuff' to do. Thank you for reading this, writing it down has helped a bit to let off some steam.
 
God bless.  Alice.

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 5/19/2009 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Alice, I can tell from your post that you are depressed...as well you should be with all that you are going through!  This is a very difficult time in your life and your sister should be helping instead of making things worse.  Shame on her!
 
I do remember when I was taking care of my mother.  I did get her in a nursing home eventually because she needed a feeding tube.  I don't know why you would have problems putting her in assisted living or a nursing home.  I didn't.  Mom still owned her condo and car.  Medicare did pick up 80% and Mom's money did the rest.  Now, she could have gone on Medicaid and still had her home!  One of the main prerequisites for Medicaid is to be down to $2,000 or less in your bank account.  I didn't realize this so I sold Mom's condo and used the money for the nursing home.  That was alright by me, though.  There are few Medicaid beds and far more Medicare beds in a nursing home.  So, I sure don't know why a loan to your sister would make a difference as to whether or not she could get help!  Why don't you email me and we can try hashing this out.  My email is in my profile.
 
Meantime, you do need to take care of  yourself.  Just take it one day at a time.  Somehow things have a way of changing when you least expect it...for the good!  Don't worry about not having the energy for supporting others.  You are the one that needs the help right now.  When you get back on your feet and your brain is functioning again, I know you will be helping others as you always have.  I know my brain shorts out when I'm under tremendous stress!
 
So, keep coming here and we will all try to help you as much as we can.  We do miss you and care about you.
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 5/19/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh dear Alice you can come here anytime to vent without giving anything back. ((((((Hugs)))))))
 
Bless your heart for doing so much for everyone else in your life. You will be rewarded someday for it all. I can't imagine doing what your doing for your mother and the inner strength you have to come up with everyday to do it. You will be in my prayers that you get help with her so this all doesn't keep falling on your shoulders, they have to be getting pretty weak. I'm sure you are depressed and totally overwhelmed with it all. I do not understand how your sister can live with herself for dumping this all on you.
 
I know this probably won't help at the moment but you will have all these memories of this time spent with your mother for the rest of your life. That's what I kept telling myself when I was helping with my uncle, but I wasn't having to do it on my own, and I wouldn't trade all that time I spent with him for anything, every moment was precious.
 
Please don't stay away cause you don't want to burden us with your problems, you know this group of people are not like that. We truly care about you and I do think I can speak for many on here that have known you for quite awhile.
 
I hope the prayers are answered soon.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 5/19/2009 2:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Alice and I'm so glad you have returned. Please never be afraid to post because you are in a 'down' mood. We're here for each other...ok?

One thing you might try for mom is to call Catholic Community Services. They may be willing to help her for very little money. I'm not sure but it doesn't hurt to try. Also, call your local Red Cross. They help with any family need/crisis and is sure does sound like you are at that point. How can you take care of mom when it's all you can do to take care of yourself? Also, call your local state representative and their office can recommend places that can be of service to you. It's their job and what you pay them for.

Don't give up on getting help, mom or us. We love you!
CHutz
Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
***************
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")


Irish Babe
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1371
   Posted 5/21/2009 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, but my computer went belly up. We are trying to get it fixed, but right now I'm using my DD's computer. She had to set me up on this cause I don't know nothin' about computers.

First of all Thank You so much for responding, you ladies are the best! I had to let my mother & sis know what happened w/ Soc Serv, my sis blew a gasket. The prob is she borrowed the money, planned to return it next yr w/ settlement. She isn't able to right now, she & DM agreed to this at time of loan. My mother has $ for the NH, but the money sis owes has to be 'in' b/f Mom can get Medicaid. This would leave 3 month 'gap', where WE would have to be responsible for that money. I don't have it, sis can't get a loan, and my other sibs have basically fallen off the face of the Earth. I am making an appt w/ my mother's atty. I don't want to screw up things for my sis, but my DM is my first concern.

My husband's job is shaky right now, hrs have been cut for everyone. I guess too many of us are having job/money prob. I do hope things turn around soon for all of us. My husband thinks this is too much for me, that I should turn this over to the alt POA. That would be my other sis, I can't do that, I do not trust her one bit. My husband agrees w/ my assessment of her so he gets that, but somewhere there will be the right answers.

Thank you for talking sense into my stubborn little head. I can't always be strong, it's another thing I have to accept in my life. Sometimes I just have to hold on and trust in others till I find my balance again. I don't know if any of you do this but there are certain ppl on this forum that remind me of ppl I know personally. Sherrine, Marlee, and Chutz, I find it wonderful that the three of you remind me of three lovely ladies I have been blessed to know in my life. Thank you for being a part of my life, you are special angels!

If I'm not back shortly, my 'puter is still out and others are beggingt to use my DD's. I will be back as soon as I'm able.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

God bless. Alice.

GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 5/22/2009 7:29 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Alice-

Sorry to hear your having depression. sad It is not a good place to be. And there is no need to apologize because you have not been here in awhile- life gets busy and BOY have you been busy! Please DO see the Dr. re: the depression. My sister is "The Rock Of Gilbraltar", and has never had depression, nor has taken anti-depressants but because of numerous things happening in her life, she went to see her Dr. and got started on one. It has helped her cope. Sometimes life gets to be too much and we need help. There is no shame in that.

Nice to hear from you and let us know how you are doing when your able to- we care!

Jill 

 

 

 


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 5/22/2009 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Alice, I went to an elder law attorney for my Mom.  Even though she was in a nursing home, I was allowed to pay myself for her care out of Mom's money!  Soo, while she was in the nursing home, I was permitted by law to pay myself $3,200 a month.  What I did was set up a separate account for my mother.  The other money went for her nursing home expenses.  I had the separate account just in case she needed something and she was on Medicaid.  I never touched that money while she was alive.  She died one month before she would have been eligible for Medicaid.  The special account became her inheritance for my brother and myself.  Just thought I'd share this.  Maybe you can ask your mother's attorney about this.
 
Hope things are going a little better for you.
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 5/22/2009 9:47 AM (GMT -7)   
My mother was only in a nursing home for three months to recover from a fall that broke her arm and leg, we never dreamed she would have the pulmonary embolism that took her life suddenly. Since we didn't have to deal with long term care I would do what Sherrine did and go to an attorney to get it all sorted out. I know everything you have done for your mother has been out of love but why should your siblings profit when you have done all the work. They have turned their backs on you and your mother when you have needed them most.
 
Boy when it rains it pours on you Alice. I hope things work out with your hubby's job and you get your computer working.
 
I'm sure the economy is sending a lot of people into depression that never had problems before.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 5/22/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Alice,

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Sherrine is right, you can become a conservator for your mother and you can get paid. I didn't get as much as she did, but I did get a few hundred a month. Also you can become a gaurdian, but being a conservator gives you the power to make decisions for her healthwise. So that is important.

I hope that things become easier for you soon. And I agree with the others about getting on some medication for depression, either that or some counseling, it sounds like you could use the support right now to help you through all of this.

I am thinking of you and praying for you. Take it one day at a time if possible. You have a lot on your plate right now. And know that we are here for you. You have been there for us many many times.

Take care my friend,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 11, 2016 1:03 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,736,238 posts in 301,363 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151453 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, LvGuy1.
146 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
bluelyme, Girlie, aloha234


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer