I feel like my life is falling apart at the seams. It's like everyone in my life I turn to for support is suddenly turning their back on me.
I've been missing some days of work lately because I've been feeling really bad-- not to mention that I also have a bad cold that threw me into a terrible flare. Both of my parents keep making me feel guilty and horrible by throwing in my face that they "always hurt too, but just don't let it get to them". They don't understand that this is different from a little ache or pain, and the fact that they don't believe the things that I tell them are wrong with me is hurtful and makes me feel worthless.
I've always relied on my boyfriend for support, because he's always been understanding, but last night when I told him I wasn't going to work, he got upset with me. I'm supposed to be moving in with him at the end of the week, when I have to be out of my apartment, but he keeps making little comments about me not having enough money and him not being able to support both of us. I have told him a million times that I don't expect him to pay any of my bills... they are my responsibility. But, if he doesn't want to deal with the burden of having me live with him, who can blame him? I don't know where else I can go. My parents don't want me, they make that perfectly clear. I can't afford to live on my own anymore, and even so, where would I find a place in under a week?
I feel so broken and so depressed right now. There is so much that needs packed up and so much that needs done to this place before I leave, and I can't even bring myself to work on it.
I had to stop taking Lyrica and Cymbalta because I cannot afford them, and I know that is part of why I'm feeling so bad. My doctor is out of town until the middle of next week, so there's no one I can talk to about getting something different to take. I feel like my mind won't rationalize anything, and I feel worthless after the way everyone treated me yesterday. I don't know where to turn anymore.
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety
Lyrica 50 mg BID, Cymbalta 60 mg, Diflunisal 500 mg BID, Nortryptiline 50 mg at bedtime, Ambien 10 mg at bedtime, Tramadol 50 mg PRN
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." -Robert Frost
Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.