I'm feeling very scared...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 5/23/2009 8:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been trying very hard to get my life back on track after recovering from alcohol addiction and all of the negative consequences that resulted from it. God, has truly blessed me with a chance for a new beginning. No one really knows the lonely, hopeless hole of despair this disease will put you in. It takes control of almost every aspect of your being, holding you hostage,leaving only a shattered weak shell that your family, friends and acquiantances struggle to recognize. My recovery is the single most important thing to me. Only after that ,can I give my attention to other things. I'm looking for a new job,after being fired last month,for not "meeting the job" requirements. Learning a new job,or rather, an old job,but with new policies,computer applications and such was very stressful. However,I was excited about it and that I would be covered with health insurance. Did they find out about my past ? .. that i had been fired from my previous jobs,that I have Rheumatoid arthritis,that i was arrested for a DUI and that I'm an alcoholic starting her life over.? I felt I HAVE been having difficulties,such as memory,anxiety,fatigue,a sudden foot drop. I struggled at the job to keep my 'secrets to myself and i think that added to my stress.. I saw a neurologist,who ordered an MRI, of which ,I just got the results. He wants me to hhave a spinal tap to rule out multiple sclerosis or some other process. The MRI showed multiple areas of white plaques. And if I hadn't been on the Zoloft,when he explained and showed me the /mri,I would have just simply broke down and wept.....I need to be as strong as I can. Here I am eating better,taking my vitamins,lots of water, rest and lots of walks. There is no one I can confide in or talk to except my sponsor. But,I havn't been able to reach her....I'm so sorry this post is so long. I'm so scared because I have a beautiful 16 year old son and I want to love him and do all the right things every mother does. He's lived through so much and I wish Sooooooo much that i could do every thing over. He knows about the R.A. , fibro., and all, but does not know about the MRI. ...

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 180
   Posted 5/23/2009 9:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Spicey,
I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you. Oh yes, one thing. Keep holding on to God.
I just wanted you to know that I hear you. Sometimes we can find our strength again just by knowing that we've been heard. You are doing an exceptional job of changing how things were to a better how they are. I'm on the same path, only I'm just starting it...and my issues are not the same as yours. I'm scared too. My 2 beautiful children are 12 and 9.
Be good to yourself. (Hugs)

Fibromyalgia, Bipolar II, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Anxiety, Arthritis, High Blood Pressure, etc.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 5/23/2009 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Been there, oh yeah. "All the world a stage, and we, but actors." I was in AA. I walked the walk for twelve years. Mainly b/c I had children to support, love, ha, working three jobs, 1 full, two PT, hard to give them everything they needed. I wish you all the best. The serenity prayer is so apt, learn what you can and cannot control. Truth is, all any of us can control are, ourselves.  Nobody can influence events. man plans, God laughts. You get what you get. For whom much is given, much is required. Is there anything else, I can say, except the only thing to fear, is fear itself. 90% of what we worry about, never happens. You might think people are noticing you, they're not. They're thinking about whether they need to buy diapers and dog food on the way home from work, and how in the name of Sam Hill are they going to make the bills at months end, and which they can let slide. The recovery process is so, self-absorbing. We think others sense what's going on with us, most aren't. Your road to recovery will be sucessful and filled with gifts, b/c you are back under the AA umbrella. Powerful stuff. You will get back everything, plus more. Enjoy.  

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 5/23/2009 11:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I can't help you but I can send prayers for your continued strength and resolve. Would talking to your son help? He probably has more insight into your situation than you think... Anyway, sending prayers.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 179
   Posted 5/24/2009 12:18 AM (GMT -6)   
God's arms are around you, Spicey, and so are ours....
Luv ya.........
Dx: FMS,OA,depression,anxiety,DDD with 7 herniations so far,HTN,IBS,cardiac
stent,failing aortic valve,angina,migraines with aura,many surgeries,+misc.
Rx: Nifedipine,Atenolol,Enalapril,Simvastatin,Levothyroxine,Cymbalta,Bupropion,
Dicyclomine,Lorazepam,Darvocet,Percocet,albuteral inhaler,nitroglycerin,+
( novice with computer - patience, please!)

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 5/24/2009 5:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all your words of comfort and prayers. It means so much to me ! I'm so tired right now,i could go to sleep.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 5/24/2009 10:04 PM (GMT -6)   

As you can see, there are several people in the fibro family who are in recovery-including myself. It is so hard to find a doctor who doesn't think you are an addict anyway, but when they hear that you are a recovering addict, they freak out! I'm not saying that my struggle is worse than anyone else's, but I do have an extra obstacle to try to get over in order to get some sort of relief from my constant misery. sad

I think it's very easy for people who don't understand or aren't recovering from an addiction to just say, "Suck it up." While I don't wish this disease (and yes, addiction is a disease) on anyone, I don't think it's fair of doctors to assume that we just want drugs to get high. Of course docs need to be careful, but they also need to learn a little compassion (not to mention learning a tiny bit about addiction). mad

OK, I really didn't mean to preach, so let me try to painfully climb down from my soapbox.smilewinkgrin I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your fight for continued sobriety. A lot of us are in that fight right along with you. Good luck, and I'm here if you ever want to talk about anything! yeah
Fibro, Anxiety, Chronic Pain

Lyrica 100mg BID, Klonopin 1mg BID, Zoloft 100mg BID, Methadone 75mg (methadone maintenance-NOT for pain), Ibuprofen 800mg QID prn, Prilosec OTC

I'll take the Chivas instead-Kelly Clarkson

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