Your post made me want to cry, Jen. I know exactly how you're feeling. You WANT to do so much, but your body won't let you. You went to college to have a career, and here it is, you can't even work. Shash is right, most people without fibro just don't get it. It took my own husband a while to get it, and sometimes even now, I wonder. I hope your future in-laws eventually learn to accept your situation. Perhaps your fiance can work that end. Planning a wedding is stressful. Anyone who's ever arranged a seating chart can attest to that. Ask for help from your loved ones. Your not lazy. You're afflicted with a dreadful disease, and it's not your fault, so don't feel guilty. Hugs to you.
Meditation is a way of life, for me, rather than an exercise that I sit down and do. There is a type of meditation where you sit still and focus on a spot on the wall, or an object but I've only done that a few times. When I speak of meditation, zen, it is seeing, hearing, smelling the world and everything in it, pleasurably, no matter how mundane the chores at hand. If I go for a walk, that's the absolute best, funnest, funniest walk, ever. cause,"if you got it today, use it today, there is no tomorrow, it's just one great big day, man". I should also say, I am a work in progress. I haven't quite made it all the way there. But I do try.
True Love Jen. If you are having these struggles w. boyfriend not coming home at night, now, and not able (so he says, to be around you, as ït "brings him down"), there is an elephant in the middle of your living room and everybody is pretending it's not there. Talking around it, straining to make eye contact but that darn elephant is in the way. Everybody is terrified to say"elephant in room", maybe if we keep ignoring it, it will go away.