He has found us.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 7/9/2009 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
This morning whilst sat in bed having a nice cup of tea, i saw my ex husband drive by in his car, he turned around at the end of my culdesac and drove out again, I feel unsafe and very frightened now.
I have made a compaint to the police and they are going to warn hin off but the damage is done, he knows where we live. shakehead

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17060
   Posted 7/9/2009 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Sharon, he needs to be arrested for stalking you.  That's what I'd file...stalking and harrassment.  Let the police know that you have moved and didn't tell anyone.  You also need to know how he found where you were.  Perhaps he followed you when you were moving.  You've done everything in your power to avoid this person.  He needs to be behind bars for a very long time.
Ask the police to patrol your area frequently.  Meanwhile have extra deadbolt locks put on the doors and keep windows locked.  I hope you have air conditioning.  I really can't see the police allowing you to live in fear like this.

Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 7/9/2009 11:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sharon.  From your profile, it looks like you live in the UK.  I found this link about stalking laws in the UK that seems like it has good info:
Sherrine gave some good advice.  I would also keep a log of all drive-bys, phone calls, etc. to present to the police.  I would also keep a cell phone with me at all times.  Do you have a restraining order against him?
I'll be thinking of you.
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 7/9/2009 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh no Sharon!  I am sorry to hear he found you.   Can you take a self defense class or take other measures to protect yourself? 
Follow Sherrine and Austin's advice.  I wish you safety and will be praying.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 7/9/2009 12:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Sharon. Try to think of him as a coward. Do you have a male friend who can stay with you at your home. One whom you can trust?

Definitely report him as you have done in the past. In addition, make friends with your local police. Stop by with a cake or something so that they remember you. This guy wants you to feel unsafe. Oh, if he has a job, make sure that his employer knows his habits.

When a person who has been abused steps away from the abuser, the abuser escalates his actions. After a while, they find someone else to intimidate and hurt.

There is a great book titled 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship,"" by Patricia Evens. Buy it It will give you lots of necessary information on all kinds of abuse. Moreover, you should be a part of a domestic violence support group.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 7/9/2009 7:45 PM (GMT -6)   
You need to find out how he found you. If it was through court or police records, you need to find out if you can have them sealed if you move again. If it was through the mail, get a post office box. I agree with Donnaeil, find a domestic violence support group. They will be able to advise you.

I don't know how the police are where you live but when I had a dangerous stalker, they did nothing. I was told to quit my job and move. If he found me, quit and move again. My stalker kept coming around and the police started taking longer and longer to show up.

Fortunately (for me), he eventually found someone else to terrorize and lost interest in me. She ended up hospitalized with broken bones and he is still free to walk around. He never spent more than a few months in jail despite a long history of domestic violence.
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