some more fibromite 'must haves'

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vestabula
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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 8/19/2009 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Boy, am I glad the hubby gets about two dozen catalogues a day...What fun to browse through them and discover how many useful items there are to make our fibromite lives so much easier.
 
I love this one...It's a 'super bright, LED  spot light' that attaches to the bow of your glasses! So attractive and you can see your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night with a 6 foot ray of piercing light...no more falling on your face for you!  I wouldn't wear this around small children....Yikes!  The woman in the picture looks like she is getting ready to perform brain surgery.
 
Go ahead...eat that whole pie when you are in a flare!  Pants extenders..a  loop with a button that attaches to your existing button.  This also is very attractive and people will only stare at your fly for about thirty seconds thinking 'what the...." 
 
Does the mere touch of your blankets and sheets make you groan in pain? Not to worry.  This item is a folding metal arm that makes your side of the bed into a tent!  Of course you cannot move a muscle all night as it will collapse.  The woman in the picture looks like a stiff on a slab.
 
I cannot look at this picture without lauging.  It's The Deam Combo.  An inflatable flocked knee pillow that rides up into your crotch and in between you legs.  It looks like a cod plate.  The other half of the combo is an eye movement mask.  It presses into your eyeballs to prevent them from moving...what?  Who cares if your eyeballs move?  The eyeball squasher/inflatable crotch pillow...a fibromite 'must have'.
 
A fan that clips onto your collar.  Oh, what a sight to behold.  A mini fan blowing the sweat balls off your upper lip as you gimp through Walmart!
 
How many fibromites  need to lift their refrigerator off the floor...All of us do that daily!  This steel lever slips under the bottom of your fridge and lifts it 3" giant inches off the floor..how great is that! I suggest you wear Depends when you do this as I think I detect the little missus in the picuture is popping a vessel in her neck...but she IS wearing high heels!
 
Do fibromites get ear wax?  I bet we do!  This item looks like an ice pick with a disc on the end to keep you from digging in so deep you drill a hole through your brain.  You know we always do that!
 
Retrieve your cane without bending over...this cane has a toilet plunger looking thing on the bottom that you step on and it pops back up and whacks you in the crotch!  Also, if you order now, you will get a cane-spot-light that blinks on and off when you are about to slam yourself into a wall.  Now, that, I could use...
 
A thermostat with monster glow in the dark numbers!  If the hubby says I'm suffocating and going to pass out from the heat...You say "yes dear," as he turns it down to 68 degrees...The joke is on him because you can get up once he is asleep and press a button to turn it back to 90 in the pitch dark!
 
A spring loaded body ejector...you put it under your chair cushion and when you are in a flare and can't hike yourself up....you press this lever and it flings you across the room.  Of coure they don't say that but this thing looks lethal.
 
How many of you just dream of taking a walk wearing your spring loaded  tennis shoes?  Badoink, badoink, badoink!  The sole is about 6" tall so you can reach that can of stewed tomatoes off the top shelf!
 
Let me know if you would like to order any of these.  Nobody but my husband gets catalogues like these.  He must have signed up for free vinyl siding in some store...we get every catalogue in print.
 
Huggies
Donna

fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


Hara
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/19/2009 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
A fan that clips onto your collar.  Oh, what a sight to behold.  A mini fan blowing the sweat balls off your upper lip as you gimp through Walmart!
 
Retrieve your cane without bending over...this cane has a toilet plunger looking thing on the bottom that you step on and it pops back up and whacks you in the crotch!  Also, if you order now, you will get a cane-spot-light that blinks on and off when you are about to slam yourself into a wall.  Now, that, I could use...
 
A spring loaded body ejector...you put it under your chair cushion and when you are in a flare and can't hike yourself up....you press this lever and it flings you across the room.  Of coure they don't say that but this thing looks lethal.
 
I'd like these thanks.... OMG! This had me laughing on the floor. Do you have anything to help me get up off the floor once I'm down there besides the very nice, good-looking fire fighters. I really don't want to have to call the again because I've fallen and can't get up.
 
HARA turn yeah

Binki
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 8/19/2009 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Ummm, Yeaaah! :D

Where is the order form for these fantastical items? Gots ta have!

Thanx for the laugh, Donna! :-)

HUGS,
Lori  
 
Fibromyalgia, Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia, Gastritis
 
300mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Vitamin D3, Vitamin E, Ultracet


Jhemi
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 8/20/2009 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hara...try that refrigerator lever...it would work for me :D

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 8/20/2009 5:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Serioulsy and O/T but the last time the carpet cleaner guy came he put an antique chair back down on the wet rug and the 'metal buttons' on the bottom of legs left rust marks on carpet.  I was actually looking through this catalogue to see if there was anythng to remove them.  Nope.  Do any of you have any suggestions?  I have some stuff that removes rust from toilets and sinks but I'm afraid it will bleach the color out of the rug.

Huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


DreamspinnerCheryl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/20/2009 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Donna, for the laughs. I needed that!

Littlesrebel
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/20/2009 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
That was great! smilewinkgrin   TOO FUNNY. Write more.
Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofacial pain syndrome, Malaise, Fatigue.
 
 
 


Jesry
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/20/2009 11:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Love it. Gotta have that! What a welcome laugh! You're wonderful.

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 8/21/2009 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Golly Miss Molly...I missed one!  It's a lovely toilet seat heater for those of us that fall asleep on that cold seat in the middle of the night!  It looks like a terry cloth thingy with a watchamacallit layer of gel or something that heats up with the heat from your fanny and stays nice and comfy while you doze off!

Wonderful for those freezing winter nights.

Huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/21/2009 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Now, THAT'S something I could definitely use!  I have been known to fall asleep on the "throne", as my grandmother used to call it!  smilewinkgrin
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


FMsaddenedspirit
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 8/21/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
tongue  Giggles.
 
I too get a lot of catalogs...this is a fun thread Thanks .
 
 

Nana Monster
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 952
   Posted 8/21/2009 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanx!! I printed this out to take to a friend of mine with fibro and a husband in a wheelchair. She loves a good laugh
and this should do it.  scool

crazyoldcatlady
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 194
   Posted 8/21/2009 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay I put off reading this post for a bit because, well, it looked like too many words. So I finally read it and LMHO ROTF I am in tears laughing. Thanks so much Donna for sharing!
Donna
 
I would be unstoppable...
                           if I could just get started.


Corinne44
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 98
   Posted 8/22/2009 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Those were funny. Thanks for posting!

crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/22/2009 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Donna, those were great!

I need a toilet seat that comes up to meet me half way, and then lifts me off when I'm
done. If your hubby gets a catalog with one of those let me know.

Robin
 
 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements


vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 8/22/2009 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Robin...this is your lucky day!  I swear in this catalog there is a foam horse-shoe shaped thingy that is 10" thick...it sits on your toilet seat so you don't have to do anything but fall onto it! it doesn't hoist your off of it but if you put the spring loaded body ejector under it you could press the lever and fly across the room!

I just realized I have been spelling catalog wrong through this whole post.  I need a gadget that whacks me in the head everytime I misspell a word.  Is 'misspell' right? It doesn't look right...Oh well.

huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/22/2009 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Sounds good Donna and if I fall in the toilet, I could use the spongy thing as a flotation
device!

Robin
 
 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/22/2009 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Donna, if you had a gadget that would whack you in the head everytime you misspelled a word, you would spend most of your life unconscious and we would miss your humor!  devil

Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/23/2009 2:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Sherrine said...

Donna, if you had a gadget that would whack you in the head everytime you misspelled a word, you would spend most of your life unconscious and we would miss your humor!  devil

Sherrine

I need something to whack my loud neighbors in the head.  I got home from taking my son out to get his big pimple thing on his shoulder checked out and the next door neighbors were at it again. All I wanted to do was come home and lay down and have some piece and quiet. NOT!@!!! So I went down the stairs again and to the Management office. I just told the lady there what was up. I was in pain and in tears. She said when she saw one of them she would say something to 'em....
Needless to say an hour later the thumping went off an everything was quiet. That's what my son said. I'm not really sure when I fell asleep. I just know the thumping music was still on at the time. I mean everything even the nosey neighbors upstairs. It still is quiet. I can't believe it. I usually hear the next door neighbor's TV on but I don't (smiles to self). It's 2:25am here now. I'm about ready to go back to bed here soon. Thanks for letting me vent. yeah
 
HARA
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