I'm not supermom!!!

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SassyMyKitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 8/27/2009 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm having a hard time with this new adjustment. I feel so overwhelmed. I have to take care of my baby, clean the house, and make sure the hubby is happy when he gets home from work. I have no time for me. I'm way behind on housework, so now I have to bust my *** to get everything done.
Alex, my son, is with my father-in-law and his girlfriend right now because I just feel so overwhelmed. But instead of resting like I need to, I have to get cleaning done. I have to straighten up the living room and dining room (aka Alex's play room), clean the kitchen, take the trash out, clean the cat box, clean Alex's room, and straighten up my room some. And tomorrow at some point, I have to get a ton of laundry done somehow. *sighs* This is so hard. I'm not supermom, but I feel like I have to be.
I love that my hubby has a job, even though he is pretty frustrated with it right now, but I feel like everything else has fallen on me. It is all just so very stressful and overwhelming. I'm so tired. I just don't know what to do. I just needed to rant. Thanks for letting me.
'Cause when push comes to shove
you taste what you're made of.
You might bend til you break
'cause it's all you can take.
On your knees you look up
decide you've had enough.
You get mad.
You get strong.
Wipe your hands
shake it off.
Then you stand.
 
-"Stand" by Rascal Flatts
 
 


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/27/2009 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
You shouldn't have to do everything around the house.  Whose idea was that anyway?  My husband was a professional but, when he came home, I had dinner ready for him (he always wanted to grill the meat) but he helped clean up the mess afterwards.  He took care of the litter box for our cats, he would run the vacuum for me on the weekend, and sometimes even mop for me if my back was really bothering me.  Also, on the weekend, he mowed and trimmed the yard.
 
I needed to keep things picked up, which isn't too hard if you put things back when  you are through with them.  It's tough with a child but if your child can walk and make the mess, they can pick it up too!  Give them a bag and get them started.  If they can get toys out to play with, they can put them back.  Kids are not helpless and they should help.  They are, after all, part of the family!  I had a little song that I taught them and we would sing it while they cleaned up their toys.  It went like this:
 
Put your toys away. Don't delay.
When you want them you will find them right away.
Put your toys away. Don't delay.
Help your Mommy have a very happy day.
 
Laundry isn't too bad, if you have your own washer and dryer.  When my clothes are dried, I load them in the basket and fold them while watching television.  That only takes a few minutes.  When my kids got older, they would have to put their clothes away themselves. 
 
When my kids got around 10, they got really sloppy about their clothing and it was all over the floor...clean and still partially folded!  When I would have them clean their rooms, they would load it all up and throw it in the wash for me to do.  NOT!  THAT'S when they started having to wash their own clothes and put them away.  I washed sheet, towels, and my husband and my clothing.  They took care of their clothing and it didn't hurt them one single bit!
 
So, you don't have to do everything.  You have a family and you all should work together.  You take care of your child and that would cost your husband a fortune to hire someone to do that.  You do the shopping, you do cleaning, washing, ironing, and you will be getting your child to school, etc.  So, you definitely are earning your "keep" so don't think you have to do everything around the house.
 
Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 8/27/2009 1:00:15 PM (GMT-6)


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/27/2009 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Amen Sherrine!!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/27/2009 12:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I agree with Sherrine in that you
shouldn't have to do all the chores. My husband does the yardwork, vacuuming,
cats' litterboxes. He also clears the table and fills the diswasher every evening.

Set up a schedule to meet your needs. If you need to rest while Alex is napping,
Take a rest. You will feel better for it and will probably accomplish more.

Ask hubby for help. If he sees how appreciative you are, more than likely he
will start helping without having to be asked.

I don't know how old Alex is but I do remember how hard it is sometimes with a little
one. Be good to yourself and remember the house doesn't always have to look like it
is out of a Home and Garden magazine.

With your hubby back to work, you are still making adjustments. Your schedule will
become easier.

Take Care

Robin
 
 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements


SassyMyKitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 8/27/2009 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
My son is going to be 2 in October. So he really isn't too good at picking up his own toys just yet. I did get the living room, dining room, and hallway picked up and vaccumed. Hubby says he will do the kitchen when he gets off work, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I think I am going to have him clean the cat box. He normally does that for me, so I am going to ask him to. I don't mind doing laundry, but, unfortunately, I have to go down to the laundry mat to do it because our apartment doesn't have its own washer and dryer. I really do like to do laundry. I find it relaxing...when I can do it in a place where I am not constantly walking up and down stairs and walking to the mat to switch the loads. I like folding laundry, which I know sounds weird, but I like it. I feel accomplished, but I also feel really tired. And I feel a little guilty about leaving Alex with his grandpa. But, he seems to be doing all right down there, and my hubby gets off work in an hour, so he won't be down there for too much longer. I am taking the time right now to relax while I am waiting to switch the laundry.
I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist. But now that it hurts me to do much cleaning, things tend to get a little out of control at times.
Tomorrow when I go to the doctor for my monthly appointment, I am going to have my doc x-ray my wrist. It's really bothering me. I think I may have sprained it somehow. Or maybe it's just a strain. Either way, it is hurting me.
'Cause when push comes to shove
you taste what you're made of.
You might bend til you break
'cause it's all you can take.
On your knees you look up
decide you've had enough.
You get mad.
You get strong.
Wipe your hands
shake it off.
Then you stand.
 
-"Stand" by Rascal Flatts
 
 


puppylover
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 824
   Posted 8/27/2009 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Sherrine, you sound like me on the laundry.  I had boys and they thought I was their maid and yes when they were made to clean their rooms some clean clothes landed in the dirty clothes.  The last straw came when my oldest was 11.  He said, "It's your fault I didn't get to play tennis (for the school that day)because my tennis shorts were not cleaned".  I looked at him and said "that would never be a problem again because from this day on I will never do your laundry again.
And that goes for your brother(who was 9 at the time)".  My husband did not agree with this but I stuck to my word.  I never did their laundry again. Boys know how to work on cars, build stuff,etc. they can figure out the mysteries of working a washer and dryer.  Did they ruin some stuff?  Sure.  I called the pink underwear or bleached dark clothes "learning experiences" devil
 
Puppylover
Fibromyalgia, arthritis in spine and hips, IBS, Raynaud's syndrome, hypertension
 
On the eighth day God created Golden Retrievers.


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/27/2009 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Puppylover, my husband didn't agree either but I, too, stuck with it and it didn't hurt them, they learned from it, and it helped me out!  I refuse to be anyone's lackey.

Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


puppylover
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 824
   Posted 8/27/2009 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Sherrine , we both must be very strong willed!  It was in the 70's when my boys started doing their laundry and no one agreed with me.  My mother-in-law was still doing the laundry for her college age sons who brought homes weeks of smelly clothes for her to do. My in-laws thought I was mean, my friends said kids that age couldn't do laundry.  But when they left home they were able to take care of their own needs.  They could cook too.   I always think that parents who do so much for their kids aren't doing them any favors. 
 
Puppylover 
Fibromyalgia, arthritis in spine and hips, IBS, Raynaud's syndrome, hypertension
 
On the eighth day God created Golden Retrievers.


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/27/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
It was 1983 for me!  I totally agree with you.  My children are quite self-sufficient.  My son, by the way, also is an excellent cook and he bakes homemade breads, etc.
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 8/27/2009 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
We were a military family, two of my sons were military, you better believe they can make a bed where you can bounce a quarter on it. They can iron fatigues with a crease in them that will cut your finger. They have all been single men and none of them starved to death or went naked.
 
My DH took over the kitchen and cooking several years ago. Is it as clean as I use to keep it, not close. He does the yard, vacuums the carpet, takes out the trash and does the grocery shopping. We make our bed together cause he can pull the sheets tighter than I can and I can't stand sheets that are not tight. He also runs his own business.
 
I use to be superwoman til my cape crashed and burned. devil
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
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donnaeil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 8/27/2009 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   
My children did their laundry when they turned 87 years of age. I read it was possible in a book about homeschoolers so I stuck with it. Our home was huge and hard to keep up once I began to feel pain. So, it was a mess until we moved. Now that my youngest is going on 18, things are much batter.

In fact, My children cooked when they were toddlers. I let them pull up a chair and help with meals and deserts. It drove my fil crazy when my young sun used a real knife. I told him, "Don't worry, he knows what he is doing. I think my son was 4 at the time.

This very same son has two female room mates and he does most of the cooking and cleaning. The women do not know how.

Donnaeil

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 8/28/2009 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Donnaeil...you did you kids laundry until they were 87 years old...My good heaven's girl...that would make you about...110 ....LOL!  The sad thing is, I knew what you meant! 

I had three children under the age of three (twins then boom...another one) so believe me, they learned at a very early age to pick up their toys.  As a matter of fact, they became very self sufficient.  I only had two hands and if they wanted something they had to get it themselves.  My youngest was walking at ten months old because he there were things he wanted and the twins would get to them first.

They are now married with their own children and they do more of the housework then their wives do.  My DIL's thank me quite often for teaching them that a washer and dryer are more than a place to set a power drill.

Huggies

Donna

 


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Post Edited (vestabula) : 8/28/2009 6:10:54 AM (GMT-6)


cydful
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/28/2009 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand 100%! I have 4 children, 3-12-14-22; and of course my husband. Every single one of them expect me to do everything, even my husband. I had my fill a couple months ago when I started a BAD flare, I hurt so bad that I had much difficulty getting up off the couch. My husband wouldn't even help me keep an eye on our 3 year old and I found myself having to pry myself up, barely able to walk-just to keep her from climbing up the computer desk! While he sat on the couch watching TV and about ready to fall asleep. We had a huge blow-up, I took my children and left; went and stayed at my sisters until my husband agreed to go to family counseling. I told the counselor I have fibromyagia, sleep apnea, & migraines. He straight out told my family it was past time for them to start pitching in and helping me out. He is so supportive of my conditions. He asked my husband why he doesn't do the dishes, sweep & mop, clean the bedroom, etc...but husband flat out told him he's 'lazy'! He has no motivation what so ever. My husband does work a 40 hour work week in a factory, and he loves it. I told him I understand if he's tired when he comes home from work but we HAVE- to come up with some solution. During my flare time, the dishes kept piling up and noone would touch them! It was sooo disgusting by the time I was able to stand there and scrub them. With the help of the counselor, I made a chore sheet for everyone....including my husband and myself. I haven't put my oldest son, 22yr old, on it due to he works out of town and isn't always here-although he does come home sometimes for a few weeks or month at a time, but then leaves again. Unfortunately, the chore list isn't working out as hoped. The ONLY thing my husband will do is the laundry...that's it. My 12 & 14 year olds have gotten somewhat better, but they also do everything possible to attempt to get out of their chores-so it's like pulling teeth, and they don't do it to the best of their abilities. Like I said, I understand. I don't have any answers. I don't know why my family won't help me out around here either. I really don't think they want to understand how I feel because they don't want to HAVE to take any responsibilities. I always get the blame game-the 'he did it' or 'it isn't mine' or my favorite is from my husband and 14 yr old-'so & so didn't do his chore so why should I' (they are refering to each other). Yes, my husband is right there with him. So, I don't let my kids' go off with their friends to do what they would like, and take away their stuff; but it's kind of difficult to discipline them for not doing their chores when my husband is just as bad! I try to use the 'he works 40 hours' but my children also have a good point when they say 'and I go to school and play sports'. On my good days I do a majority of everything as usual....we still have a long way to go with counseling, I can say things have improved to a 4 on a scale of 1-10. Hang in there! Some days are better than others! Sorry this is so long, just wanted to let you know there's someone else out here that can relate
Cydful
 
God will not give us anything we can not handle~
 
DX: narcolepsy 2001
      raynauds disease 2001
      GERD/Acid Reflux 2003
      cervical disc disease 2008
      ^ B/P  2008
      sleep apnea 2009
      Migraines 2009
      Fibromyalgia 2009
Meds: Lyrica
          Sevella
          Lipitor
          Asprin 81mg
          Lunesta
          Prilosec
          OTC excedrine, ibuprofen, tylenol
         


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/28/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I'll tell you one thing.  My children would never argue with me about what I told them to do.  When they are paying the bills and providing a roof over everyone's head, THEN they can argue.  But until then, my husband and I were the bosses in the family and they did as they were told. 
 
Cyndful, I'm sorry your husband won't help out but that's still no excuse for your children not to help out.  They are learning their father's poor behavior.  You are their mother and if you tell them that these are their responsibilities, then that should be the end of the discussion. 
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


yo-yo
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 159
   Posted 8/28/2009 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
sassy my kitty,
 
I agree with Sherrine about kids helping.  I had 4 boys and l girl and ran a daycare with 4 more kids in my home.  All my boys learned how to do laundry, cook, vacuum etc. I told them I didn't want them to get married just to have someone take care of them.  They are all married and help their wives plenty. 
 
As for little kids, they can pick up their toys and should.  In my daycare, I had a little game we played when it was time for the parents to come pick up their kids.  The floor would be littered ( you can imagine with 4 little ones) and I would say "Blue" and they would pick up any thing that was blue, then Red, Yellow, etc.  It not only cleaned up the floor, it taught colors, it was active,  which helped dissipate some of that extra energy that 2 year olds have.
 
Marlee--I loved that quote about superwoman's cape!
 
Mary Lou

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/28/2009 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sure many men and women are thanking these Mom's who taught their children to do for themselves:)

I am blessed with a wonderful husband who takes care of the house for me no problem when I am down and out.

Gentle hugs to you Sassy!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

American Woman
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 8/28/2009 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
when my hubby and I got married we made some decisions about who would take care of what in the house. We decided that I would take care of the inside of the house and he would take care of the outside. This has worked for us for 34 years and when our son was little it was his job to pick up his toys and put them away. I used to keep a laundry basket in the corner in the living room and right before bedtime I would tell him its time to clean up and he would sometimes make a fuss, but one time I told him if he didn't pick them up I was going to throw them in the garbage(I had just put a clean bag in) and when he didn't do it, he saw them in the garbage in the morning and couldn't believe I did that. I did take them out later and clean them. To this day (he is 27) he remembers that and said he knew that if I said I was going to do something I did it. He picked up his toys after that.
I hope you can get some help because I'm not working now and there is only my hubby and me and there are days when it takes me all day to do the smallest chores, so I can understand how hard it has to be for you with small children.
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