So frustrated!

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cydful
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/28/2009 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm just curious if anyone knows if the environment you live in can make you flare?  Does stress make you feel worse?  I will try not to make this long, I just need to vent.  My family and I have been going to counseling for a couple months now, due to I had my fill of how inconsiderate and selfish my family has been, especially my husband.  He seems to not care how I feel most of the time.  Every now and then he may say to the kids-12 & 14 yr olds,that they need to do for themselves because I 'don't feel good' but that's only because he gets mad at the kids' thinking they need to do more around the house, such as chores.  But the big issue is-he doesn't do anything either!  He has admitted in counseling he is lazy and has no motivation, but yet he will stay on the kids' to do things they need to do-which in return they get mad at him and throw in my face that he doesn't do anything either.  There is so much arguing in the house between the 3 of them that it drives me absolutely insane! 
 
My husband isn't supportive of my conditions at all.  I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, sleep apnea, and migraines.  Just a couple examples:  last weekend, he woke me up at 8:30 so he could go to rummage sales.  Keep in mind, with the sleep apnea I am tired all the time, I don't ever feel rested.  During the week I get up anywhere from 6am-7am to get the kids' off to school and the only time I can get extra sleep is on the weekends when he's off.  I have a hard time falling asleep, at best the earliest I fall asleep is 11:00p or 11:30p, but it is more than likely midnight or after.  Now why wake me up?  Is it sooo important to go to rummage sales to blow off my health? We have a three year old, which is the reason he wanted me to get up so I could watch her so he could leave.  He will not discipline her at all, he leaves it up to me, he will not help with the finances, he spends more than we have and I stress about how we're going to pay the bills.  He makes comments about how much I sit in the recliner, or can't handle the heat, etc.  although I'm the one that manages to cook dinner every night, do the dishes, sweep & mop-even when every muscle is burning in my body!  I am just so fed up with the sarcasm, arguing, stress.....we are going to counseling.  Although it isn't quite as bad as it used to be, it is still bad.  I've tried to explain to him how I feel physically, I've even printed off articles online but he don't read them.  We recently found out that he has hyperthyroidism, so now he is so much worse off than me, although the Dr. even said his condition is very mild.  He comes home and falls asleep on the couch every single night, not helping out with the housework, or the kids'; when he told the Dr. this, the doc told him his thyroid disorder was so mild it shouldn't make him feel this way.  This fatigue of his started about a month ago.  It came on one day and continued since then.  He is going to a specialist today for his thyroid so we will see.  If that is what is going on, and it's not just laziness and insensitivity then I pray things will improve greatly.  Thanks for listening! 
Cydful
 
God will not give us anything we can not handle~
 
DX: narcolepsy 2001
      raynauds disease 2001
      GERD/Acid Reflux 2003
      cervical disc disease 2008
      ^ B/P  2008
      sleep apnea 2009
      Migraines 2009
      Fibromyalgia 2009
Meds: Lyrica
          Sevella
          Lipitor
          Asprin 81mg
          Lunesta
          Prilosec
          OTC excedrine, ibuprofen, tylenol
         


beautymom5
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 8/28/2009 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry you are having so much stress. I have found some natural things that has helped me. I have 9 kids and I also have a lot to do. Do you have a family chore chart? If not maybe it is time to put one in place.

For the natural products I take D-Ribose and vitamin D which helps alot with the tiredness.

I hope you get some relief soon
In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things


cydful
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/28/2009 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Beutymom5, thank you for responding and being supportive. I have put a chore sheet in place with the help of our counselor. It isn't working out very well. It's like pulling teeth. My husband and children argue every day about having to get the chores done, my husband will get on the kids to do theirs while the kids throw in my face that he doesn't do his so why should they do theirs. So every day I'm making the point to them that the chores have to be done or they can't go with their friends, or whatever else it is they would like to do. Then they make me feel like a hypocrite because my husband doesn't do what he's suppose to do. It's an ongoing battle. I will look into the natural supplements you have suggested. Thank you so much!
Cydful
 
God will not give us anything we can not handle~
 
DX: narcolepsy 2001
      raynauds disease 2001
      GERD/Acid Reflux 2003
      cervical disc disease 2008
      ^ B/P  2008
      sleep apnea 2009
      Migraines 2009
      Fibromyalgia 2009
Meds: Lyrica
          Sevella
          Lipitor
          Asprin 81mg
          Lunesta
          Prilosec
          OTC excedrine, ibuprofen, tylenol
         


Jhemi
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 8/28/2009 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Thyroid being off even just a little can make you tired. It sounds like he's not a happy man and with your fibro it doesnt make things easy does it? Your children are old enough to help out! Even with the three year old. If your husband holds down a full time job then he's not lazy but maybe he is tired from his thyroid. I've had to deal with a thyroid condition for many years now and thought at first that my fibro was really my thyroid out of whack.

It may be time for the two of you to realise that the home is a place to live and not a showpiece either if that's the problem...just let things slide once in a while. If the table doesnt get dusted today then it will tomorrow or give the twelve year old a rag and say get busy ;)

Sorry for your troubles hon...hope they work themselves out soon.

keep smilin

jhemi

crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/28/2009 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Cydful,

Stress definately makes pain worse. Everyone has stress in their life but there are
ways to control it. Remember you are in control. You can only do so much. There is
breaking point and your body knows it.

Set priorities and make your family pitch in. If the kids don't help, let them know
there are consequences and they will lose privileges. Put your foot down!

No matter how busy you are set some time aside to yourself. Use the time to relax.
I do this several times a day. It is so necessary to be good to yourself.

I am glad to hear you and your husband are going for counseling. Hopefully he wil
learn to be more supportive.

Attitude plays a big part in dealing with our illnesses too. I know it isn't easy to
always stay positive when we are in pain but believing things are going to get better
helps.

Wishing you and your family HAPPY DAYS AHEAD!

Robin


 
 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements

Post Edited (crazykitty) : 8/28/2009 7:52:53 PM (GMT-6)


puppylover
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 821
   Posted 8/28/2009 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Cydful, I'm sorry you are having such a bad time at home.  If your husband's thyroid is low it could make him tired.  Mine was in the low normal and I was exhausted all of the time.  I've been on Synthroid since 1980 and it did help.
 
I noticed that you said you had to get up to get the teenagers going.  Do you drive them to school?  I refused to be my kids alarm clock--if they were late for school it was their problem.  When one of my boys was in maybe second grade I told the teacher he was probably going to be late for a few days.  I could never get him up.  I made sure he had a loud alarm clock and he got up when he got up.  If he was late for school it was his problem.  It only took a few times. They also were responsible for the breakfast.  Easy enough to make toast and cereal. 
 
I hope counseling helps you guys.  I know its hard sometimes, but maybe you have to just step back and close your eyes to some of the chores.  Let your kids know what you want them to do and stand firm.  Don't break down and do their work.
 
Puppylover
Fibromyalgia, arthritis in spine and hips, IBS, Raynaud's syndrome, hypertension
 
On the eighth day God created Golden Retrievers.


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17100
   Posted 8/28/2009 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   

Yes, stress and weather play a BIG part with fibro.  When the barometric pressure changes or we get a lot of rain or we are too hot or too cold...it all affects fibro.

Cydful, this is a really tough time for you.  Teeneage years are difficult, at best, and when you don't have your husband to help, that makes it worse.  My husband left nearly all the child rearing up to me so I started early.  They had chore lists on the refrigerator when they were toddlers. 

 But, still, when they were teens, they would drag their feet.  I just withheld allowances and extracurricular activities back until they started doing their chores.  You mentioned in another post that your kids play sports.  Well, they don't play sports until they finish their chores.  If they say they will do it when they get home, they better, or they will miss their next practice.  If they see you mean business, they will start towing the line.
 
My children were 9, 10, and 13 when I came down with fibro.  Plus I was having horrible times with Crohn's disease and needing to run to the bathroom at least 25 times a day.  (This had been going on for 9 years.)  So, I really needed help.  My husband did help me, and that was a blessing. 
 
Has your husband been checked out for depression?  My husband had that problem back when people didn't talk about it and you had to see a psychiatrist to get meds.  He was tired a lot and didn't participate much in the family arena.  That's why I practically raised my children by myself.  It turned out that he had a chemical imbalance in his brain and it was hereditary and his depression got worse when I started having health problems with Crohn's disease.  Once we knew what the problem was and he got help, he made a complete turnaround!  He wasn't tired, he had more energy and wanted to do more things, etc.  Then he started helping more, too.  So, you might want to mention this or discuss this as a possiblity in your counseling sessions.
 
Sherrine 


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 8/28/2009 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cydful and welcome. I'm so happy you all are going to counseling. Stress+ fibro = pain. Raising teens is not an easy job when your healthy.
 
I've had thyroid problems since I was 17 yrs old and have had times when my meds needed to be adjusted and it does make you tired. They usually start you out on a low dose and raise it til it is normal so I would cut him a little slack til it is up to normal.
 
Accepting that I had a disorder that was not curable was a hard thing for DH and I to do. He about drove me crazy at first cause he was determined to find somewhere that would cure me. We neither one have given up hope that there will be a cure soon. I was diagnosed recently with celiac disease and he made a comment that maybe after my small intestine heals we will get our lives back. I told him I may feel better but it's not going to cure fibro and I could see the disappointment on his face. This affects the whole family and loved ones have started having birthday parties and stuff earlier in the day cause they know I get tired early and can't do night time things. We are older so my DH doesn't want to do anything at night either.
 
I keep reminding myself that if someone had tried to explain fibromyalgia to me before I got it I would have not comprehended it at all.
 
Good luck!!!
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
 
 
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


cydful
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/28/2009 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your responses and support. My husband and I just got back from his specialist appointment for his thyroid. They actually told him they were perplexed because they say his thyroid isn't off enough to be affecting him in this way; with the fatigue and irritability. They did more blood work just in case they missed something, but they have no clue what could make him feel this way. I did feel bad for him, as I know how it is to need to know what is wrong so you can start to attempt to do something in order to feel better, and today he didn't get anywhere. They more or less told him there was nothing wrong, no reason. So, I am wondering if it can't be depression. I have noticed that if it comes to something he wants to do or enjoys he seems to have the energy, it's just here at home that he is always too tired to get up off the couch. I had also mentioned to him he may want to watch his diet. The reason I say this is because he eats ice cream-every single day, and sometimes 2 times or more a day. He eats plates full, not just a little here and there. He also drinks at least a 12 pack of soda a day. I think he could be having sugar crashes. But when I bring this up the only thing he says is that he is not going to stop eating and drinking what he loves. I do have to mention, in all fairness, he is a recovering alcoholic, so he has pretty much replaced the alcohol with ice cream and soda; which is why I try not to say too much to him about it. The doctors have ran about every test on him, including tests for diabetes, lyme, etc.
Again, thank you all for your insight and opinions. We will continue on with the counseling, and I had a long talk with the tweens tonight, so hopefully things will continue to improve with them! Lets put it this way, they weren't going to get to go to the first football game of the season tonight until their chores were done....it was close but they made it!
Cydful
 
God will not give us anything we can not handle~
 
DX: narcolepsy 2001
      raynauds disease 2001
      GERD/Acid Reflux 2003
      cervical disc disease 2008
      ^ B/P  2008
      sleep apnea 2009
      Migraines 2009
      Fibromyalgia 2009
Meds: Lyrica
          Sevella
          Lipitor
          Asprin 81mg
          Lunesta
          Prilosec
          OTC excedrine, ibuprofen, tylenol
         


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17100
   Posted 8/29/2009 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for you, Cydful!  It's a start with the children and it will work out if you don't "fold".  Stick to your guns with the kids.  Life will be better for you and you will be teaching them a valuable lesson.
 
As far as your hubby goes, it could be depression.  My husband functioned beautifully in his work and was very personable but, once he came home, he didn't want to do anything.  Lots of times he would go in the bedroom, close the draperies, and sleep.  He didn't function well at all before his meds.
 
Bringing up the fact that he might have depression was "touchy" for me.  Back when this was going on with him, the only time you heard about depressed people, they were either crazy or institutionalized.  We all know that's not true.  They had come out with Prozac and the media was making it sound like you become an axe murderer if you take it.  Anyway, I got informed about depression and explained it to him.  He admitted it sounded like him.  I told him that I didn't think he was a mental case but he had a chemical imbalance...just like I have a chemical imbalance with diabetes and need to take meds for that.  I think that made him feel better and he agreed to see the psychiatrist.  He was put on Prozac and within weeks I had the man I had married many years before.
 
You are fortunate that you don't have to try to get your hubby to a psychiatrist.  An Internist and I think most doctors prescribe antidepressants now.  You both could go and let the doctor know what's going on and how lethargic he seems.  I do hope you find the right answer.
 
My husband was a big soda drinker, too, but I got him to switch to sugar-free sodas and he liked them.  The others were piling weight on him.  Also, I only bought no sugar added ice cream so I could have some.  Actually , I like it better than the regular ice cream.  Also, there are some very good sugar free ice creams out there.  You just need to try them and find the ones he might like.  He would still be having his treats but not spiking his sugars so much or gaining as much weight.  I think he would feel better, too.
 
I wish you the best of luck with this.  You are heading in the right direction now.  I'll pray that you find answers soon.  And....hang tough with those kids!  wink
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

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