Post Edited (Sherrine) : 9/18/2009 3:04:41 PM (GMT-6)
Thank you so much, Sherrine, Jhemi, Deb, Robin and Donna, for your kind and extremely helpful words. Yes... this IS a very loving and supportive online community. I had such a long day. Hour and a half drive to the Neurologist (who thinks it's RSD and wants to add even more drugs that knock me out). Back up there in a week for an EMG. It seems that I'm at my worst in the morning (which makes more sense, having heard your comments about inactivity making it worse). The depression and anxiety are at their worst at that time as well.
Savannah's dad (my "husband") is an illegal Brit, who's been living under the radar for years. I did get an order for child support while we were still in CA. They weren't interested in his status, as long as he paid. Well, he didn't. Since we moved back East (it'll be 3 years in December), I've received a total of 4 payments. He's always had a sob story about how he can never get ahead... Actually, it's true... he's penniless. Before my daughter and I moved back East, I was going to sponsor him for his green card. I couldn't show 3 consecutive years of tax returns, so that was that. We married long after we'd already split up only to try to get him legal and more in a position to help support our daughter. Actually, he'd already left me way back when I refused to have an abortion. Yikes! This is quite a soap opera. So, then after about 3 months into my pregnancy, he contacted me, saying he wanted to be a part of our daughter's life. You know, even after she and I moved back East, when he couldn't send money (I was working and barely self-sufficient), I still encouraged him to stay in touch with our daughter. Instead, he decided to feel sorry for himself, saying our girl would be better off not hearing from him and that it would only confuse her. Either way you look at it, I'm on my own. He has nothing for the courts to order given to us. At most, he'd get deported. What sucks is that he knows full well that we're going through a tough time (I emailed him several times). He's not responded, nor have we spoken since April. I know he has internet connection, because I see his activity on facebook. I can only see him as a coward, at this point
My Unemployment isn't enough to pay for a place of our own. So, we're paying rent for a tiny room at my sister's... both of us in one single bed. My daughter had her own room plus a playroom in our house before all of this. She's been very fearful since we moved and is literally attached to my hip. My sister has little patience for her, so we're out all day (my sister works at night). We keep very active (except when I have really bad days). Today would have been one of those days, but I had to get us out for my Dr. appt. My head is better. My left arm is in agony. I can deal with that... It's the depression that takes me out. I totally get that seeing and enjoying the blessing of my daughter is THE best medicine. She's got SO much energy. I feel like such an old lady these days. I used be the mom jumping on and climbing all over the monkey bars. Like... the only one. I still go down the slide, though.
I would LOVE to be a teacher. I have my MA in Psychology and my BS in Geology, but no credits in Education. I hear that Science Teachers are in demand. What I'd really love is to be a elementary school art teacher. I used to be a Counselor then a Director in Residential Dual-Diagnosis Treatment. I just donn't have the skin for this kind of work anymore. Having my daughter smoothed off any remaining hard edges. For that, I am eternally grateful.
It's encouraging to hear that Fibromyalgia is not considered a progressive illness. It, however, has been getting progressively worse for me... and quickly. That's because I'm seeing it from the perspective of it's beginning. Had no idea it could come on this fast. Sherrine... It must have been so frightening for you to feel it spread up your body that rapidly... without knowing what was happening to you. Wow!
Eliminating stressors is impossible, at this point. How I deal with them is what's going to be crucial. Just having you're input and your hearts to listen and understand has made a huge difference. I was really looking forward to getting home, so I could check this Forum and... there you all were.
Thank you so much. You're all so lovely!
Post Edited (Splendidlife) : 9/19/2009 4:38:32 AM (GMT-6)
Amen to that, Robin...
I can clearly see how my negativity and self pity has taken me down faster than anything else. This morning, I awoke to pain and unbelievable stiffness. Instead of going straight to panic and tensing up even more, I slowly stretched my way out of bed. Thanks to the encouragement of all of you, my day is going better. My daughter needs a happy and sane mommy. Whatever it takes, I'll make it through.
Actually, I had been on Prozac for almost 20 years until last November, when I completed slowly weening myself off. All was well until I lost my job in April. I can't help but wonder that, if I had been on the Prozac through that, the stress wouldn't have taken me down like this. I started back on the Prozac about a month ago and am also 5 days into the Savella, which has a double purpose. Still shakey as heck, but hoping for the best.
Yikes! Hope not.
All the women in my family went through menopause very late in life (well into their 50's). All were very late bloomers as well (myself included).
My periods are regular, however, they used to be a full 28 day cycle and, since this Spring when all the s--t hit the fan, they've shortened to every 21 days. Thank you for reminding me of that fact. I failed to let any of the doctors know that piece and will now tell them.
Thank you, Littleneck...
Yes... it does make a huge difference to use energy on things that are in my control... Like getting out of bed and stretching my way into some motion. Like getting on this forum and connecting with so many knowledgable, dear and brave people. I sometimes ask what the pain has to teach me and it occurs less like a curse... more like just an experience. All these new "experiences" can almost be viewed like new aquaintances whose nuances are just being discovered (painful as they are). This way (I hope), there will be less resistance, faster acceptance and, consequently, less pain. The mind can rule like a tyrant or be utilized as a useful tool. I've seen both sides.
Dx in February... How long did it take your doctor to put it together?
I have low vit D, so have been taking D-3 1000 mg. for 3 weeks now. I've been depressed since I was 3 years old. Wasn't treated for it until I was in my 20's. Now, 20 years later and after going off of Prozac completely for 9 months, I'm just now picking up the pieces. I read that taking Savella and other SSRI's should be avoided so as to prevent "Serotonin Syndrome". Every doctor I've seen so far has had nothing to say about it. If anything, the added Serotonin has helped. Taking 80 mg Prozac once daily and 50 mg Savella twice daily. In just a month's time, I've become a walking pharmacy. Between the Doxy for possible Lyme, Lodine and Mobic for inflamation, Soma for muscle spasms, Prozac, Savella and plethera of suppliments, it's like I've become instant geriatric.
I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to get off of Prozac. Didn't want to be dependent on it for the rest of my life. Now, look at me.
As for me getting help from the state... I'm on Unemployment and will not be eligable for "Welfare" until the Unemployment runs out. I was told this by phone. It was suggested by a friend that I go to the Welfare office, in person, to at least fight for housing assistance. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't pursue disability yet, or I'd loose Unemployment. I feel kind of caught. Even though I have a Masters Degree, I hold no license or certificates. Only 10 years experience is in Dual-Diagnosis Treatment. This is THE last thing I need to be doing now... Don't ever want to go back to that kind of work (talk about depressing). Have another 10 years experience in Veterinary Medicine. Loved that work, but it's highly physically challenging.
Post Edited (Splendidlife) : 9/20/2009 11:47:21 AM (GMT-6)