Helpful ideas on slowing down, anyone?

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Chutz
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 10/10/2009 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all....

Does this sound like anyone else's life??? Up in the morning and there's isn't much planned so I can finally get a few things done. Tidy up the house a bit, get the dishwasher running and pop in a load of clothes. That's maybe an hour or so. I have it all planned out...even had a weekly work sheet printed up. Make a cup of coffee...the phone rings. Need to help one of the kids or grandkids with information, arrange a ride for someone or just listen to daughter complain for as long as I can stand it...then make up some excuse to get off the phone. OK, there went my hour or so. Oops, forgot to make the bed, forgot some of my morning medications, need to get a letter out to the mail box. Another hour is gone. Pain level is rising rapidly so have to sit for a bit and fall asleep in my chair for a half hour. Jeez...it's noon already and nothing done! grrrr

Best have some lunch and I swear I'm going to leave any other clutter so I can get some of the quilting done. Those babies will be in kindergarten before they get their baby blankets...lol There goes the phone again! Littlest grandson wants to come and stay at grandma's house. I can barely take care of myself yet I usually say yes. (I know, I'm such a sucker but I love to see him) Best get something from the freezer for supper. Get online and check in with the forums and keep up on email. Need to write to a few people. Rats! 2:30 and I forgot to take out the meat to thaw for supper. Oldest grandson needs to get off to college classes, pack some food and get him out the door.

OK, peace...finally! 4:00 so I have 2 hours before hubby gets home, the best time of the day. So, time for me!! and my sewing machine. Just sit down and in walks my daughter and granddaughter. She lives next door and I guess she wasn't done complaining about the world on the phone so she hikes up to keep on her 'rant of the day.' So much for sewing. At least I hope I get some dinner ready on time.

OK, it's 7 pm, everyone is fed. I'm not sure how I'm the one who gets all of the meal chores. Anyone have an idea what it's like for someone ELSE to cook, serve you and then clean up?? All you have to do is sit down, eat and hit your easy chair.

Now I actually turn on the light on my sewing machine. Wasn't it about 10-12 hours ago I tried this? Hubby is either in front of a hockey game or in his office with his 4 computers so I barely see him. By 9 he's in bed and I'm posting and doing the last of my chores online. I have my computer in our bedroom right now so I do get to see the back of his head as he's snoozing away. OK, I can sew for a while but if I stay up too late it knocks me down the next day. I best get to bed. Wait from grandson to get home from night classes, wipe down the kitchen, check the doors, stoke the woodstove, turn off all the lights, check on cat. (I thought putting the house to bed was the man's job??? I'm doing something wrong here. My dad always did that one.)

Get ready for bed and finally get there about 11 so I'm gonna get some reading time in, at least! Can't keep my eyes open because of the darn med's. Darn!!! Forgot my night dose of insulin. Back out of bed....you see what's happening here??? Every day I swear I will break past this problem. I went to far as to spend my entire spring and most of summer deep cleaning the house partly to avoid some of this extra work but it's no help. If I clear a spot on the counter or eating bar it's like a neon sign for others to immediately cover it up with their jumk that needs to be put away and not just dropped in the kitchen!

Arrrggggggg smhair smhair smhair All I'm doing is complaining and I do appologize but I have been trying for ages to get out of this mess and I just can't succeed. When I was able to work it wasn't this bad. I ask the guys for help and I get a resounding 'sure' but when they are needed they're no where to be found. The excuse...well, what do you want me to do? GEEZZZZZ, we went over it all only yesterday!

How do I get some time for me? Time to rest? I'm on my feet going non-stop all day and have nothing to show for it. I love cooking for and taking care of hubby...and spoiling him. I can hear all of the things I 'should do' but just can't seem to do them or get them to work. I have considered going on strike but that's not really the problem. I think the problem is mostly ME! I allow it and somehow I have to change that. So many of us are perfectionists and I can't sit still unless everything is picked up and in it's proper place and that's not going to happen right now. We have an addition project that is way over due to be completed. In the mean time I have piles of stuff everywhere! My pain level is out of sight!

Is there any hope for me???
Exhausted Chutzie shakehead cry
Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
~Robert Fulghum

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)


WhiteChocChip
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 10/10/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
It is OK to tell your children to call before they come over. It is OK to tell them, "Mom's a little busy right now." and not talk on the phone. In fact, what you should say is, "I can't talk on the phone right now I'm busy cleaning, but if you come over and help me out with my housework, then we can catch up while we work."

WhiteChocChip
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 10/10/2009 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
It is also OK to insist they police up their own things and to sew while you listen to your daughter.

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 10/10/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz, as you know, I got out of hospital recently and have been feeling pretty run-down and tired. I've discovered that one fabulous way to earn some down-time is to let all phone calls scroll through to the answering machine, meaning that I can deal with them when it is convenient for ME, and not be thrown by someone who wants me to reorganise my day just to make up for the fact that *they* have left something to the last minute :-/

I can't believe how much peace this has given me: have a feeling I'm going to be diverting all calls for a long time yet... And it means I get to rest, uninterrupted, which I really need to do right now.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 10/10/2009 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz, from what I read, your biggest enemy is the telephone!  I'd take it off the hook in the morning and that would be your time to get things done.  You have the most energy then.  I've been known to do that in the past. 
 
Let your family know that you are setting the morning  time aside so you can get some things done around the house.  You can plan your dinner, get your laundry done and, if you have things in order, you can sew.  You can sew in the afternoon when you aren't being called on the phone.  Tell the daughter that lives next door that if she comes over to your house in the morning, she will be assigned some chores to help you out.  Period.  Want to guess that she stays at her house in the morning?  LOL
 
After a week, you will have accomplished a lot but keep this up.  It's great to have your own time. 
 
I just posted and read Ivy's response.  That's a good one but somehow I think  you would answer the phone if it were your family and you would be back at square one.  That's why taking it off the hook would be good for you, IMHO. 
 
Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 10/10/2009 3:24:45 PM (GMT-6)


Littleneck
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 599
   Posted 10/10/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz, those are the kind of days that frustrate me the most - that feeling of being so busy but not getting anything done! I absolutely agree, I never answer the phone on the weekend because I have to during the work week. Anyone who calls me gets a return call when I'm done with ME time. And that might be Sunday night! I try not to make plans in advance unless, like this weekend, I'm attending a special event like a birthday brunch. Then that will be the only plan, and I'll spend the rest of the weekend doing things I want, and then things I need to get ready for work Monday (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.). Even my live-in BF knows better than to start making plans until we each have a little me time to start the weekend: me with my multiple cups of morning tea (I love black tea) and writing, him with his video game and pot of black coffee! I think that people with kids and grandkids have a harder time of it though because, as much as you love your family, it is another boundary for fibromites to define for themselves: ME time. For me, my challenge is to not feel guilty carving out this time while looking around at my messy house and dishes we didn't get to do during the week.

Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 10/11/2009 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz,
Don't make the bed! My family has been sloppy and expected me to clean up. I finally told them that if the mess for dinner was not cleaned up, I was not cooking again until it was. Took a few days before people figured it out. Of course we don't have it all figured out. I was sick in bed and could not get up for a week. When the day came for someone else to cook, she couldn't do it because "I" hadn't gone grocery shopping for her yet. I like Sherrine's idea of taking the phone off the hook, too. You may have to tell your daughter that mornings (or afternoonts if that is better) are your time and she is not to come over and complain.

soft hugs,
Sue

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 10/11/2009 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
That's the one thing (and just about the only thing) I like about having 'cable telephone'.  The caller comes up on the television screen and I don't have to answer it, or run to the caller ID and see who is calling. I have a friend from NC who calls about three times a week and will talk until the battery goes dead in my phone.  It DOES disrupt your whole day, plus because of Meniere's Disease I have lost most of my hearing and talking on the phone is so hard. 'Huh?  What did you say?  Can you repeat that?'
 
If your daughter lives next door, I doubt taking the phone off the hook would help...just a hop, skip and a jump to into your living room.  I think the only real solution is just telling people what you have planned for your day and stick to it.  Yes...it's hard. It's amazing what  people think about us 'old broads' devil that don't work out side the house anymore.  We don't have anything important to do...we're 'retired' and just live to accomodate every one else.  As many know, I'm a writer and one day a neighbor called, asked what I was doing and I said 'finsihing a chapter."  She says 'oh, since you aren't doing anything, could you pick up my daughter from the orthodontist.'
 
Just say 'no'...no means no...whatever that saying is!
 
Huggies
Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Post Edited (vestabula) : 10/11/2009 4:38:42 PM (GMT-6)


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 10/11/2009 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Another idea:

Organise a weekly / monthly / fortnightly / whatever sewing & craft bee at your house.

That way, people will be able to sit at your dining room table and unburden their souls to you, and you will have a legitimate excuse to sew without interruptions.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


kathydownunder
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 447
   Posted 10/11/2009 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I can really relate to this, for me the answer was no phone and everyone knew it, if they really needed to talk to anyone my husband had his mobile phone [cell]. So when they called the phone just didn't go to the answeering machine it was out of the wall. Boy they kicked and screamed for the first week and after that they knew I would only have it on for certain hours a day. Lock the front door I know this sounds cruel but you have to put your self first. What happens when you have a really bad day? If anyone comes over just tell them you need some time for yourself. Our son was doing this rining and asking us to do things for him, until we said "NO" Now we have a life he still rings but knows will say no and mean it. We have no children at home now so we live our life for us and they are now accepting that. if they come to visit they accept that I will expect them to do something for me. Our youngest son [21] is wonderful he is not well but if he has spare time he comes and helps us. My husband is not well also. As far as cleaning up I made them have their own jobs when they lived at home one did the washing up another took the rubbish out. And now they are all wonderful cooks, they know how to do their own washing etc. Their partners thank me. Take a stand

Kathy

Fibro, chronic fatigue, IBS, migraine,

Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 10/11/2009 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I know you all are so right and also right about how hard it is to do. This is impacting my life more and more until hubby is so frustrated with the situation and that's where I draw the line. As in all situations there is way more to the story with my daughter but at 35 it's time she grew up and act mature finally. I will let you know what my progress is because you were all so very kind to take your precious time to offer suggestions.

Loves!
Chutz
Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
~Robert Fulghum

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 10/12/2009 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't understand what the problem is Chutzie??? Is this not the way our days are suppose to go??? devil My DH is the one that calls sometimes every half hour on my cell which is always at the other end of the house from where I'm at and by the time I walk back and answer the phone I have forgotten what I was doing when the phone rang, I have a special ring for him so I know it is him calling. If I don't get to the cell in time he calls on the house phone. He also pops in and out during the day which interrupts what I was doing and I forget. It's no wonder I don't get anything done.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
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Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 10/12/2009 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Marlee...you're in a no win situation. If he stopped calling you'd be lost and in a panic wondering if he's OK, and if he keeps calling so often you best make sure to always have your drivers license with you so you can look at it to remember your own name!...lol Thanks for the smiles~

Chutz
Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
~Robert Fulghum

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 10/13/2009 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
You do know they regress as they get older don't you??? I have to call him if I'm going to take a shower so he doesn't call while I'm in the shower and sometimes he forgets I just told him I was headed for the shower so he calls anyway and if I don't answer he calls and calls and calls. It's great to have such a loving hubby but he does get on my nerves. And your right, if I don't hear from him in a couple of hours or so I have to check on him.
 
Before we moved here youngest son and family lived 7 blocks from us, not quite next door but close enough. Now we are 10 miles away from him. smilewinkgrin
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium, Osteoarthritis and Celiac
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches, Carafate and Prilosec
 
Vit D/calcium

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