Dating and Fibro...

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soccerchk
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/25/2009 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Well my problem is not in dealing with the fibromyalgia these days. I know about all I can about it. My problem comes when trying to date. I find that men are not likely to put up with the effects of fibromyalgia; not being able to work at times, trouble getting out at times, sexual aggrevation, bearing children etc... I know it sounds like I am calling people superficial, but really with any disability, dating is an issue. So, I wonder if there are any dating sites for other people with fibromyalgia. I know there are a few with disabilities, but I find fibromyalgia is hard to relate to unless someone knows the illness. Any positive comments welcomed....

Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 10/25/2009 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi soccerchk!

And welcome to our Fibro Family! I do understand what you are talking about even tho I'm probably much older than you are. A few years back when I was a single mom I had many of the disorders that I have now and a couple more were coming along fast. I had been dating a man and we had become best friends....but after more than a year he still hadn't "popped the question" even though it seemed likely. I worried that he wouldn't want someone who was 'sick' and not "perfect" ...in my eyes. At 40'ish I was worried truly worried about this. I found out later that didn't even cross him mind.

We've been married now for 16 years. In that time I've been diagnosed with fibro, gone on insulin and had a few other delights come about this mess of a body. And through it all he's right beside me. I guess what I'm saying is don't prejudge the great guys out there who can see past the surface. If someone you've met is put off by your health issues then you sure don't want them as a mate for life. Ya, it's easy for me to say because I'm married now, but we were together for over 2 years before we married. So, if there was a guy out there for me, I'm sure there will be one for you.

A couple of things to keep in mind are first, don't 'look' for someone. They will come along when you least expect it. Become active in things you love to do and the right person will find you....but you DO have to keep your eyes open tho...lol You don't need to spill your health issues all over someone right away. No secrets but still don't say.. "Hi, I'm soccerchk and you won't like me because I have fibro." Sell your strong points, be proud of yourself. You are NOT an illness, you are a women with like, needs and a wonderful personality just like anyone else you may meet. You just happen to have drawn the short straw when the fibro deal came along. Now you and I and other here have to live with pain. At least you are here where you can learn how to manage the disorder and to have a wonderful life in spite of it.

You said you know about all you can where fibro is concerned. Be open to learning more...maybe learning how to pamper yourself, to lower stress and most important to love and accept yourself as you are right now. I'm guessing that's a mighty wonderful person. I can see you are someone I wanted to get to know, why wouldn't others. ;-) smilewinkgrin

Hugs,
Chutzie
Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.
Richard L. Evans

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
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WhiteChocChip
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 10/25/2009 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I would say that you should make sure that if you are going to have a relationship beyond a few dates with the guy that you explain to him that you have a medical condition that may cause you to have to cancel on a date last minute. That way he will know that you aren't avoiding him.

SadSickTired
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 10/25/2009 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Soccerchk,
   I totally get what you are saying!  I am in my 30's and still trying to get my fibro under control while maybe thinking someday about "that guy" who could understand.  Top that off with the fact that I wasn't all that great at the dating game before the fibro- LOL!  I am lucky in that I live in a very small area (a cluster of towns that have between 200 and 5,000 people tops).  And I work in a very big building (about 1100 people) for a very large company.  So while I was going through the initial process of being dx'd I shared it with the people that I worked with (I would rather have kept it to myself but policy or implied inhouse policy mandated that I tell the higher ups).  It was actually a blessing in disguise because the more I talked about it the more comfortable I got with it.  Now its just a part of me like the fact that I color my hair.  I am not a natural blonde and I am not naturally low maintenance!  I do my hair, I put on my make-up and I have fibro.  I have found that if you just make a casual mention of it, and are truly comfortable with it, it doesn't have to have the spotlight.  I have talked about it so much with the people in my life (even casual acquaintances) that its become part of who I am- not the definition.  I guess I am trying to say that if you are okay with it then there is a good chance others will be too.
 
                                    Best of Luck- go get em tiger!
                                     Trish
Thanks!
   Trish
 
Dx'd with Fibromyalgia, High Blood Pressure, TMJ & Migraines
Meds & Supplements are Vicodin (as needed), Neurontin (300mgs 2/day), Cymbalta (60/day), Atenelol (50 mg/day) Biotin (5,000mcgs/day) & Yasmin (continuously).  Oh and a LOVELY retainer for the TMJ! 
 


WhiteChocChip
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 10/25/2009 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I was also going to say that if you are into the more geeky/nerdy guys, the fibro shouldn't be much of an issue. My husband is happy to stay at home and play video games and I'm happy to curl up on the couch next to him and crochet or read.
You can also still go clubbing, just pick the slower songs to dance to and try not to jump.
Believe it or not, there are also guys out there who don't want children ...
Also, wear comfy shoes, no matter where you are going.
Try to pick restaurants that have comfy booths for your dates.
I second what Chutz said ... if your man can't understand that sometimes you need a little more rest, then he doesn't deserve you.
IMHO ... fibro is not the worst disability you could have. If some guy doesn't want to deal with that ... imagine how he'd treat someone who was completely bedridden ...
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