As the Fibro Burns...Steede Gets His

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2854
   Posted 10/27/2009 4:25 PM (GMT -6)   
In our last episode, Farsky and Dutch are pondering the severity of the crimes that have been committed and are wild eyed with questions.  A bothched heating pad electrocution...a Toesnapper who may have stolen his identity from a dead man...what to do...what to do?  And who is the bold faced liar?  Both...neither?  Oh, could they use a nice, fresh Crispy Creme right now.
Norah's Lyrica has kicked in and she is  prancing around the living room like a fem fatale...her Snuggie blowing seductively in the wake of her movements and her head cocked back as though she might laugh her head off for no reason whatsoever.  All four men in the room are slacked jawed as they stare at her clumsy yet alluring display.  Poindexter notices Dutch is particularily hypnotized by this woman he believes is his own.  He feels a nagging spasm in his hamstring.  Oh that gosh darned fibro.  The slightest change in his emotions and a flare rears its ugly head.
"Norah Fairchild!  Please sit down!" Poindexter begs.  Even through her 'as seen on t.v', wrap around sun glasses he can see her eyes locked on Dutch's tanned face.  Is this scene from an old Bette Davis Movie just for this rather handsome cop?  Is she turned on by his holster and shiny badge?
"Hey..." Steede says, pulling his gaze away from her, as painful as that might be.  In his own way, he DOES love her.  "I'm in pain here!  I am scorched and singed and my tongue is way too big for my mouth!  Plus my Ralph Lauren shirt is nothing but a stinking rag that smells like New Jersey on a hot day!"
Norah stops flitting.  "I did not set you on fire.  You took it upon yourself to sit in my fibro chair which I have told you a million times, is off limits.  Can I help it if my heating pad malfunctioned and shocked the living crap out of you? (organ music and a gasp from the camera crew.  The word 'crap'was not in her lines yet they continue to roll).
Farsky takes a long, hard look at Steede, then says:   "Is this true...did you sit in her fibro chair without permission?"
Steede is furious.  "Are you serious?  Really.  Did I sit in her fibro chair.  What kind of stupid question is that?"
"A question that must be answered!" Dutch yells.  "I know if I sit in MY wife's fibro chair there are consquences!  I lost a tooth once...and a front one to boot!" (his mind drifts off as he recalls that horrible night in 1998 when he was just so tired and fell into the chair by mistake...)
Norah has sashayed herself to Dutch's side.  She has a sly smile on her face.  She slips her hand in his holster to see if there might be another Milky Way Bar hidden in the bottom.  No...she is out of luck but she is overcome with the craving.  There must be a stash hidden in the house somewhere...there always is.
Steede drops to the floor in a crouching position and rocks back and forth.  "She tried to kill me, I tell you!  She is mad because I told her that one of the twins was fathered by me and belongs to her sister Mysty!  This was a revenge electrocution!  Arrest her!  And this scarecrow of a boyfriend (he points to Poindexter) that probably helped plan the whole thing!"
Farsky and Hutch look at each other.  Then Dutch says:  "I don't believe you.  I think you sat in her fibro chair without permission and the entire incident was an accident.  You have no proof this is a murder attempt."
"Yeah..."  Norah says.  " are a phoney toesnapper.  You can expect a call from my lawyer next soon as I remember his name.  Heaven knows what damage you have done to my toes...I think my pinky twists to the left a little...owie."
Steede starts to cry and tell his sad story about being Steede Toesnapper Jr. and the dead Toesnapper on the Inter Net is is father but no one is listening.  No one cares.  No one likes Steede Toesnapper.  Yet, because they are  policeman committed to justice they pick him up off of the floor and cuff him.  Just to make sure, they will take him to the station and interrogate him under a hot light bulb for about 10 hours, like they do on Law and Order.
Poindexter lets out a little shriek when he sees this.  He will have Norah Fairchild to himself.  No more Steede, and what a close call with Dutch.  She DID stick her hand in his holster.  THAT made him very jealous.
"Well ma'am...I guess we'll be heading out now.  Anything else we can do for you?"
"Yes...would you mind running into the Stop and Go on the corner and getting me several bags of Milky Way Bars?  That would be so kind of you and they really help my fibro pain."
"No need," Farsky smiles. " I just happen to have a couple of 'emergency' Bars in my pocket.  Here you go, little lady." (he tosses them her way, but of course she couldn't catch a beach ball from three inches away.  When she bends over to pick them up, her thin yet knee socked ankle shows and there is a collective gasp from everyone but Steede.  Her ankles do nothing for him.)
Poindexter walks them to the door and tells them he will make a healthy contribution to this years Charity Ball.  Norah forgets they were even there and is tearing the wrapper off the candy bar with her teeth.  Ah...heaven...that creamy soft caramel and thick milk chocolate.  Better than Lyrica any day.
The door closes and Poindexter breathes a sigh of relief.  No jail for his precious Norah Fairchild, but what can he do to keep her for himself?  She is dangerously fickle.  And is Steede out of her life forever?  What if he DID take over his father's toesnapping practice.  He will be back on the streets and....back in Norah's life once again???  From what he has seen from the lens of his telescope, Steede Toesnapper has always been irresitable.  But for now...she is his.  Yes.  He must live in the moment.
Fade to black and a commercial for the new and improved Salad Shooter.  OMG.

fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Post Edited (vestabula) : 10/28/2009 6:26:35 AM (GMT-6)

Nana Monster
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 949
   Posted 10/27/2009 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Vesta,
   I just got home from doing another 14 hour day and this is a great laugh. You're one neat lady

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 10/27/2009 11:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh dear Donna!! Now that I've gotten back up off the floor and hubby's laughter has slowed to a dull roar...he has a question for you. He's wondering what was in your Shredded Wheat biscuits this morning? lmbo... Or was it the latte' you had? Not sure why he asked but he did have a sinister look on his face...


ps...thanks for taking your time to remind us we still have the capacity to laugh and bring joy into others' lives.
Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.
Richard L. Evans

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 10/28/2009 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Love it, love it, love it. Donna you have such a talent for writing, thanks for sharing it with us and the laughs!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 817
   Posted 10/28/2009 11:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Has someone been using that medicinal rum mouth wash again? tongue    Quite funny Donna.
Fibromyalgia, arthritis in spine and hips, IBS, Raynaud's syndrome, hypertension
On the eighth day God created Golden Retrievers.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17056
   Posted 10/28/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   

I think Donna should work in the medicinal rum in one of her As The Fibro Burns stories.  Maybe they can soak the Milky Way bars in medicinal rum!  Just think how Norah could flit around in her Snuggies!

These always make me laugh.  Thanks for taking the time to write these for us.


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 599
   Posted 10/29/2009 5:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Fantastic, Donna. Sheer joy.

Off to don my own seductive Snuggie.... :)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 10/29/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -6)   
You have no idea how much I enjoy these .. I check every day for the next one .LOL.
Thanks somuch forbring this small joy into our lives...I just love your writing ...
And the Fog .. wow .. can so relate to that .
I was wondering .. I always thought I had a sister.but don;'t remeber meeting her..But I'm sure I have one.  could it be I am my own sister ? or could it be my daughter is also my sister. ??? I wonder sooo
where oh where did she go. ????
Spirit ~

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 10/30/2009 12:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Spirit ~

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/2/2009 1:15 PM (GMT -6)   
I needed that,
thank you so much!
23, female, Norway
fibro - cfs - thyroid problems - scoliosis

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