In our last episode, Farsky and Dutch are pondering the severity of the crimes that have been committed and are wild eyed with questions. A bothched heating pad electrocution...a Toesnapper who may have stolen his identity from a dead man...what to do...what to do? And who is the bold faced liar? Both...neither? Oh, could they use a nice, fresh Crispy Creme right now.
Norah's Lyrica has kicked in and she is prancing around the living room like a fem fatale...her Snuggie blowing seductively in the wake of her movements and her head cocked back as though she might laugh her head off for no reason whatsoever. All four men in the room are slacked jawed as they stare at her clumsy yet alluring display. Poindexter notices Dutch is particularily hypnotized by this woman he believes is his own. He feels a nagging spasm in his hamstring. Oh that gosh darned fibro. The slightest change in his emotions and a flare rears its ugly head.
"Norah Fairchild! Please sit down!" Poindexter begs. Even through her 'as seen on t.v', wrap around sun glasses he can see her eyes locked on Dutch's tanned face. Is this scene from an old Bette Davis Movie just for this rather handsome cop? Is she turned on by his holster and shiny badge?
"Hey..." Steede says, pulling his gaze away from her, as painful as that might be. In his own way, he DOES love her. "I'm in pain here! I am scorched and singed and my tongue is way too big for my mouth! Plus my Ralph Lauren shirt is nothing but a stinking rag that smells like New Jersey on a hot day!"
Norah stops flitting. "I did not set you on fire. You took it upon yourself to sit in my fibro chair which I have told you a million times, is off limits. Can I help it if my heating pad malfunctioned and shocked the living crap out of you? (organ music and a gasp from the camera crew. The word 'crap'was not in her lines yet they continue to roll).
Farsky takes a long, hard look at Steede, then says: "Is this true...did you sit in her fibro chair without permission?"
Steede is furious. "Are you serious? Really. Did I sit in her fibro chair. What kind of stupid question is that?"
"A question that must be answered!" Dutch yells. "I know if I sit in MY wife's fibro chair there are consquences! I lost a tooth once...and a front one to boot!" (his mind drifts off as he recalls that horrible night in 1998 when he was just so tired and fell into the chair by mistake...)
Norah has sashayed herself to Dutch's side. She has a sly smile on her face. She slips her hand in his holster to see if there might be another Milky Way Bar hidden in the bottom. No...she is out of luck but she is overcome with the craving. There must be a stash hidden in the house somewhere...there always is.
Steede drops to the floor in a crouching position and rocks back and forth. "She tried to kill me, I tell you! She is mad because I told her that one of the twins was fathered by me and belongs to her sister Mysty! This was a revenge electrocution! Arrest her! And this scarecrow of a boyfriend (he points to Poindexter) that probably helped plan the whole thing!"
Farsky and Hutch look at each other. Then Dutch says: "I don't believe you. I think you sat in her fibro chair without permission and the entire incident was an accident. You have no proof this is a murder attempt."
"Yeah..." Norah says. "And...you are a phoney toesnapper. You can expect a call from my lawyer next week...as soon as I remember his name. Heaven knows what damage you have done to my toes...I think my pinky twists to the left a little...owie."
Steede starts to cry and tell his sad story about being Steede Toesnapper Jr. and the dead Toesnapper on the Inter Net is is father but no one is listening. No one cares. No one likes Steede Toesnapper. Yet, because they are policeman committed to justice they pick him up off of the floor and cuff him. Just to make sure, they will take him to the station and interrogate him under a hot light bulb for about 10 hours, like they do on Law and Order.
Poindexter lets out a little shriek when he sees this. He will have Norah Fairchild to himself. No more Steede, and what a close call with Dutch. She DID stick her hand in his holster. THAT made him very jealous.
"Well ma'am...I guess we'll be heading out now. Anything else we can do for you?"
"Yes...would you mind running into the Stop and Go on the corner and getting me several bags of Milky Way Bars? That would be so kind of you and they really help my fibro pain."
"No need," Farsky smiles. " I just happen to have a couple of 'emergency' Bars in my pocket. Here you go, little lady." (he tosses them her way, but of course she couldn't catch a beach ball from three inches away. When she bends over to pick them up, her thin yet knee socked ankle shows and there is a collective gasp from everyone but Steede. Her ankles do nothing for him.)
Poindexter walks them to the door and tells them he will make a healthy contribution to this years Charity Ball. Norah forgets they were even there and is tearing the wrapper off the candy bar with her teeth. Ah...heaven...that creamy soft caramel and thick milk chocolate. Better than Lyrica any day.
The door closes and Poindexter breathes a sigh of relief. No jail for his precious Norah Fairchild, but what can he do to keep her for himself? She is dangerously fickle. And is Steede out of her life forever? What if he DID take over his father's toesnapping practice. He will be back on the streets and....back in Norah's life once again??? From what he has seen from the lens of his telescope, Steede Toesnapper has always been irresitable. But for now...she is his. Yes. He must live in the moment.
Fade to black and a commercial for the new and improved Salad Shooter. OMG.
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ Meds: Lexapro and valium
Post Edited (vestabula) : 10/28/2009 6:26:35 AM (GMT-6)