After purchasing a new Fibro chair and loveseat, spending a few minutes in the Pain Room howling their brains out and snatching a fist ful of Milky Way bars on the way out, Norah and Poinedexter hobble through the automatic doors in search of the taxi. Astonishingly, there it is, still parked in the Fire Lane. You would think Fabio The Driver would jump out and open the door for two fibromites, but he is plugged into his IPOD and deep into Muskrat Love. Poindexter opens the door for Norah and she slides in. He follows.
"You two remember the fibro-mite rules?" Fabio asks, pulling the plug on the IPOD.
"Of course," Poindexter sighs.
"Don't be insulted that I ask. You people forget everything," Fabio replies, putting the pedal to the metal.
Poindexter inches closer to Norah. After all, he has just purchased an expensive Fibro seating combo for this woman.
"Norah Fairchild...I would like to ask you something. Now, don't answer until you THINK."
She is licking the last smear of chocolate off her fingers. He wonders if she even hears him speaking.
"You know that I adore you. I would do anything to make you happy. Do you think...well...that we could be more than fibro-friends? That we might have a future together? He strokes her cheek softly."
Oh, what a difficult endeavor this will be, he thinks. A relationship with no touching? It can be done, he decides. She certainly was touched by Steede Toesnapper, and more than once.
"Answer me, Norah Fairchild. I need to know."
She turns her head and looks into his gray/blue/greenish colored eyes. "Well...you are no Steede. I know he has too many teeth for his mouth and those hairplugs are so obvious and to be honest with you, they give me the creeps...I know he has fathered a twin with my sister Mysty and has deceived me in the most demeaning way...but I just don't know if I can forget him! You are...a scrawny man, so pale and unpleasing to the eye...those teeth of yours look like little kernals of corn..."
"Oh please, just stop with the insults," he whimpers, having heard this description so many times in the past. She may be the Lanicane woman, but isn't exactly a heart stopping knock-out herself anymore. Fibro has robbed her of her lusture...her vibrance. Yet he loves her anyway.
She touches his knee with her ice cold hand. "I am so sorry. Sometimes I don't realize I am speaking outloud when thoughts whirl around inside my head. I once told Eric Estrada he had a booger on his cheek...didn't mean to...it just flew out of my mouth."
Poindexter is looking out the window, pretending to be hurt to the core. "Maybe we should stop at Barnes and Noble and get you the book 'Women Who Love Men Who Treat Them Like Crap." he mumbles.
"I have that book! I use it to smash this ganglion cyst that keeps popping up on my wrist!" She shows him the large knot that clearly needs a good hard clobber.
"Okay. I get it. We have no future," he sighs.
"Now, Poindexter...I didn't say that. You have some alluring qualities that are very appealing. We both have fibro and can rub each others feet. We can spend long evenings basking in a 90 degree room watching Beaches or Steel Magnolia's on televsion..."
He groans....and OMG.
Fabio snaps his head around. "Why don't you two get a room, already. I am starting to gag!"
"Oh can we...can we get a room? How about at the Ritz Carlton on 63rd Street! They have fibro friendly rooms...please Poindexter...can we...can we?"
Poindexter comes to life! She wants to get a room! He pretends to think about it for a moment and the camera zooms to his face that is glowing with anticipation.
"I don't know, Norah fairchild. After all, I am sooooo scrawny and of course there's my teeth that repulse you..."
"I take it all a back! You are a manly man stallion! I tend to lie when I'm in a nasty flare. Surely you understand that!"
Oh yes he does. Big fat liar when in a flare.
'Okay," he agrees. "But we have to be back by three tomorrow, as that is when Fibro R Us is delivering the furniture and heating pad."
Fabio slams on the brakes then does a U turn at 60 MPH. Anything to get them out of the cab. He will take them to the Ritz, and good luck on finding a taxi that will take them home. He chuckles to himself picturing these two having to take a subway. America's Funniest Home Videos.
Norah is excited but is already starting to forget where they are going. Poindexter certainly hasn't forgotten. He's the man...yes indeed he is. The Ritz.
Fade to black and a commercial for the 'painless' leg hair removal egg covered with volcano pumice and shards of finely ground glass.
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ Meds: valium Advil