People just don't believe me!

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SassyMyKitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 12/19/2009 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a handicap placard. I use it a lot, mainly because the cold makes me hurt, so I usually have to use a cane. I get looks all the time from older people, and heck, even younger people that are close to my age. Today, we went to the store and, Alex and I were in the car while my hubby was putting the groceries in the car. His aunt and uncle saw him putting groceries in the car and said he wasn't handicap, and he said that I was. But they said I wasn't either. He said that my doctor said I was, but they just didn't believe him. They don't think that I need the placard. They don't even really know me. What I hate about this illness is that people can't really see it. They think I look fine, even when I'm using a cane. I try to ignore it, and I do when it is strangers. But this was my hubby's aunt and uncle. I don't like being judged, and I am tired of people not thinking that since I have a handicap placard, that means the doctor signed off on it. And if the doc signed off on it, that means he thinks I need it. *sighs* I just hate it. It really upsets me. I just really needed to rant about his. It just really hurts me and bothers me. People just don't see how badly I feel.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 


crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 12/19/2009 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Sassy it is hurtful when others think we're faking or lazy because we don't look sick.
Years ago I was at a family reunion and members of my own family( my sisters) were doing
imitations of me walking with a limp and questioning if it were real. One of my sisters was
walking around saying, " look at me I'm a cripple". I was angry and horrified that my own
sister could be so be so hurtful. She really thought I was faking. That same sister is now
so supportive and caring.

When people are rude or say hurtful things, it shows their ignorance. There are so many
people who have no idea what Fibromyalgia is. The important thing is we know who we are
and what we deal with on a daily basis. We should be proud of what we accomplish.

Hugs, Robin
MCTD, Fibromyalgia, Raynauds, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, Degenerative 
 Disc Disease, Hypertension, Migraines and Pseudothrombocytopenia MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella,Flexeril,Diltiazem, Boniva, Vitamins 


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17095
   Posted 12/19/2009 12:46 PM (GMT -7)   
It used to hurt me, Sassy, but now I really don't care what anyone thinks.  They were basically calling you and your doctor a liar.  Remember, people like that aren't the brightest bulbs in the chandelier.  They are just flat out foolish.
 
You can hold your head up high because you are not doing one single thing wrong, you are perfectly legal,  AND you aren't going around hurting other people like they are.  Shame on them!
 
Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/19/2009 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Sherrine is right, shame on them.  You know what your limitations are and if you didn't need the handicap placard, you wouldn't have one.  So don't let the ignorance of some get to you.  Not all people are judging you, and you know in your heart that you need to do things to make life a little easier for you.
 
Sherrine, I liked what you said about the bulb.  That is a good one. 
 
Take care you all.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Nana Monster
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 952
   Posted 12/19/2009 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I totally sympathize. I had a co-worker who mocked my limping and gimping. He did a little
gimp dance and made fun of me. I thought it was stupid because I'm 30+ years older than
he is. I told him it hurt real bad. When I finally ended up having knee surgery for torn
maniscus, torn cartelidge, chrondo himma (crunching of knee) he subsided in the joking as he found out I wasn't faking it. I was out of work for 3 months and when I returned my knee
wasn't where it belonged and hurt worse than before the surgery. Finally I found the herbals
I'm on now and it rebuilt the damage and the knee is slowly returning to where it should be.
I realize they think it's funny to make light of what is going on with us. Even when I was
25 and had lots of problems with my arthritis my ex thought I was making it up. Same with
my family. It's a different story now....30 years later.

Hope things straighten out for you. People can be such idiots when they don't understand.
I think only by living with what we have can they finally grasp what our reality is.

Hopegirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 704
   Posted 12/19/2009 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
 
Sassy,
 
(Sigh...) This is something that like everyone says can really hurt because people often look at us with the "But you don't look sick"....look. I guess honestly, if I didn't have fibro, it would be hard understand too, but really people should just really not be so quick to pass judgement on other people.  You know how you feel, the doctor knows how you feel so you just have to continue to hold your head up and know that you are doing the very best that you can do.
I'm glad you have a handicapped sign and that it can save you some extra steps when your out. We know how you feel and we are always here for you!!
 
 
Monica
 
Lyme, Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, IBS, Reflux, Insomnia,Sleep Apnea
Current Meds: Tramadol, Percocet for break thru pain, & Adavan
Taking it one day at a time.... 


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 12/19/2009 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
That is really too bad that they have to be like that. When we were camping someone teased me because I had a walking stick (different from a cane). He asked, "do you really need the stick?" He thought I was using it for show. He wouldn't believe me when I told him that I usually walk with a cane and I was using the stick because it was easier in the camping terrain. I finally told him to ask hubby who comfirmed that, yes, I really did need the stick.

Most of the time, though, people are really nice. What makes me angry is finding someone in the disabled parking spot who does not have a placard. I do not use the disabled spot unless I really need it and if there is a non disabled one close by, I save the disabled one for someone else. I mostly find this occurring at the discount grocery store. Sometimes I go back home if there is no where for me to park because I always need the spot when grocery shopping.

Sue

SassyMyKitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 12/20/2009 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all so much for your support. It really means a lot to me to have people who understand what I am going through. It doesn't bother me when strangers look...I mean, it does a little bit, but not much, because they don't know me at all. But this was my hubby's family. I was sure that everyone in his family knew of my condition. But, I guess I was wrong. Either that, or they just didn't understand or thought I was just being lazy or something. I don't really know what was going through their minds.
When I was first diagnosed with fibro, I told one of my best friends about it. At that time, she was still talking to my ex. She told him, and he said that it was my own fault because I caused it when I was anorexic. What an idiot. Honestly, I believe that that trauma he put me through started to put my fibro into gear. My rheumatologist said I was born with it and that the trauma of giving birth to my son put it into full swing. But, I think it started a little bit from what my ex did to me. But, anyways. Shortly after that, he tried to rape the friend I mentioned, and now she hates him too. But, anyways.
I just really appreciate all the support that I receive here. It means so much to me. So thank you everyone. I love you all. *soft hugs for everyone*
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 


SarahBear9708
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 286
   Posted 12/20/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I hear ya here too. I have this problem at work actually. Apparently I do a really good job hiding it at work, because I told a co-worker about me having fibro the other day, and her response was, "you'd never know it." And in a way, I feel as if that's a compliment. But at the same time, when I AM having a bad day, its as if no one believes me. They are like, "but you seemed fine earlier/yesterday/etc." And my boss is the worst, she absolutely doesn't understand. She thinks she has bent over backwards for me when in all reality she did one little thing for me. *sighz* When is the rest of the world ever gonna get a clue?
~*~Sarah~*~

"You were only given this life because you are strong enough to live it."

Dx: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Migraines, Anxiety, Insomnia, Acid Reflux, RLS, Asthma.

Rx: Celebrex, Buspar, Savella, Lyrica, Requip, Nexium, Symbicort, Compazine, Lunesta.

Supplements: Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Ginseng


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17095
   Posted 12/20/2009 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Statgeek, when the person that teased you about the walking stick and asked if you needed it, you should have said, "Yes.  I use it to clobber people over the head that ask stupid questions."  devil
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


deme
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 12/20/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Perception is pretty nuts sometimes.
 
I'll have days where I'm really pale, trembly, my walk is way off, and cant get a sentence out without messing it up. My hubby takes one look at me and says go lay down. Oddly enough on some days like that I wont always have a lot of pain and wont even feel that bad. I'll get annoyed because if I'm doing something people will want to do it for me and if I say I'm ok really I get that ya sure ya are look. (I've actually had my mother in law call an ambulance on me even though both my husband and I said  I was ok, kind of a funny story but a lil to long to post).
 
Other days I apparently look fine but I feel beaten, battered, and exhausted. I'll go lay down or wont want to go do something since I feel real bad and ya get that attitude from people of .... well you look fine.......
 
Always struck me as odd how it works out that way sometimes and I occasionally wish there was some obvious sign people could see to know that no I'm not lying I really am fine, or no I'm not exaggerating it really is a bad day.

Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 12/20/2009 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, I was anorexic too. I have only been recovered for about 2 years. Yes, I did a damange to my body, and you probably did, too. But we cannot dwell on that now. We overcame anorexia and that is a big big deal. My nurse who treated me for 5 years told me that it seems like a lot of people with anorexia get fibro or lupus or ra. So, maybe anorexia played a role, or maybe the stuff that led to anorexia played a bigger role. I don't think we can ever figure it out. But we cannot beat ourselves up for it. When we had anorexia we did the best that we could with what we had. Now we are doing it again. I hope that makes sense. Just remember, "but for the grace of God, go I" goes both ways. If the other person lived your life, he or she might have had the same difficulties. No one has the right to judge you. I completely believe in Karma, too. It may not happen soon as we would like, but eventually people reap the kindness or evil that they sow. Doesn't the Bible say something like, "judge not or you will be judged"? I think it means "do not judge people for acting the way they do in their circumstances or else very soon you will have the same circumstances." You be you and try not to let them bother you. I know, easier said than done.

soft hugs,
Sue

Littleneck
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 599
   Posted 12/21/2009 3:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I cannot believe people made fun of you guys right out in the open like that. I am always shocked when I hear of something like that. How can people be so mean? I always ask myself. [It's always the same conversation.] And I finally figured out the answer. Mean people have either never experienced hardship or real loss, a life-changing event like death or birth; and they're usually selfish, because they would need to care deeply about something besides themselves in order to feel empathy or compassion. This disconnect is actually a disconnection from life. So I have an easier time mentally dismissing their shallowness, and am able to feel sorry for them because they will just have to come back and do it again in the next life. :)

Backing away from philosophy and deeper puddles, I have been experiencing that feeling of not being believed a lot lately because I have been home from work going on 3 weeks now, from the extreme pain of a really bad flare. Pain so bad I can hardly wear clothes (except for my blessed silk thermals), pain so bad I can't stand up straight, and sleep disturbance. My BF is totally supportive in every way of me not working while I wait for Social Security Disability's decision; we are grateful he has jobs lined up thru winter (he's a journeyman pipe insulator). But he gets super frustrated because he can't SEE what's wrong with me, and needs more specifics from me on how to "read" my pain. Certain types of men always have to fix things or they feel powerless, I think. To me this means that I need to really communicate specifically to try and explain to my family how I'm feeling; I can see that path now that illustrates how my family's frustration means they really care and empathize, so that makes it easier for me to deal with their frustration. SO friends, loved ones, and work gets to know what I feel like even if I don't look sick. Everyone else can kiss my grits if they don't think I'm hurting. :)

FunnyGurl
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 173
   Posted 12/21/2009 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sassy

I am sorry your husbands family are ignorant and do not want to know about your condition.

As for the handicap placard people just keep their mouths shut and move on.

Some people have it for alot of things you may not be able to see such as a bad heart, breathing issues, headaches, fibro and other conditions.  Some people just have nothing better to do than give others a bad time. 

I hope you have a wonderful holiday and Happy New Year.


Humour is always the Best Medicine!
 
Fibromyalgia, DDD, 2 herniated Lumbar discs, OsteoArthritis Lumbar, Migraine, Dysthmic Disorder, Anxiey, Panic Attacks, OsteoArthritis Knee, Carpal Tunnel both hands, Currently Double Depression


mamanan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 12/21/2009 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this. pain is hard to begin with, then to be thrown that back in your face is just unfair. Maybe blame it on the season? Everyone has more stress this time of year. A period when we should all be at our best sometimes brings out the worst in us.

Littleneck, I LOVE the way you think. I will look at people differently from now on, and may actually feel sorry for those *&$*# that are so rude! lol
fibromyalgia and possible trigeminal neuralgia
50 mgs amitriptyline daily, T3s for facial pain (really not appropriate med) and now tramacet


upbeat
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/21/2009 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, people are so ignorant sometimes - sorry it came from family members! When my children asked what handicapped spaces were for, I taught them that they were for people who had some sort of health problem and that it may not be something we can see.

I wish someone would teach all of the ignorant adults out there!
Fibro dx 2004, RLS, raynauds

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