Something happened that was really awkward

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Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 1/13/2010 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I walk with a cane most of the time. It is because I can walk further with the cane than I can without. Yesterday, I walked up to my building after lunch. Someone was sitting on the bench outside the building and got up to open the door for me. I did not mind that. I thought it was polite. However, I told her that I needed to unlock the door. She said, "I can do it for you." !! I said, "Oh no, I can do it myself."

I know she was trying to be helpful, but it did not feel good.

Sue

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 1/13/2010 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Yesterday I was shopping in the little store at the end of my street.  I only had two bags and instead of going through the automatic doors, used a door where the people pay for gas because that's where I parked my car.  A young man leaped from behind the counter and opened the door for me.  I thanked him.  You know what?  So many people are rude, inconsiderate and would knock you down to get to a cart first...I've had the back of my heels skinned off with grocery carts because people want to get around me and I'm walking too slow... I've actually had someone say to me 'if you were walking any slower you'd be going backwards..."

I'll take the kindness any day and I know it makes us feel helpless and reminds us of our disabilities.  The first time one of the greeters offered me one of those motorized carts when she saw me gimping into Walmart I wanted to cry.  But I have decided to accept acts of kindness as just that, and not sympathy.  So many people are consumed with their own agenda to help a stranger. I know I posted this when it happened, but last year I fell in an icy parking lot and I cannot tell you how many people drove by me before someone helped me get up.  Hence the handicap sticker and the pain that came with applying for that.  Don't feel bad, Sue....but I do understand.

Huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil


shanbr
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 103
   Posted 1/13/2010 10:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I never care. If they want to treat me special or normal, i just go with it. If i can't learn to live with my disability, then i won't be happy with myself. So i just let things go and thank people for the help.

Littleneck
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 599
   Posted 1/14/2010 4:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I started trying something new at the grocery store. I too often notice the rudeness more than kindness. I used to be so embarrassed whenever I saw people watching me limp or grimace or ask for something on the top self. I would be embarrassed not to be "normal." Now, whenever I catch someone watching me -- as I lean on the cart for balance, or reach for something then have to use my other arm because the first arm won't lift, or overhear me accidentally bump my elbows (or bump into me) -- I will give her/him a big smile. That way I acknowledge the silent sympathy and keep the experience positive. It''s hard to do, but it always makes me feel better too.
"You must imagine your life, and then it happens." - John Updike, The Witches of Eastwick


Statgeek
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 1/14/2010 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
People are almost always very polite. When I go to the baseball game, the police open the barrier so I do not have to walk around, people step out of my way or get grocery carts for me or let me go in line before them, deli sandwich makers come around the counter and give me my sandwich so I do not have to walk up to get it, sales people offer me a chair and I always get to sit on the metro train.

I always appreciate that very much. Rudeness almost never happens that I can count on one hand the times it did. I appreciate what the student tried to do for me. Somehow, it felt different from the other things. I have never felt odd about people's helpfulness before and I do not really know why this felt awkward.
Sue

Myself 09
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Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 5876
   Posted 1/14/2010 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hm.  This is going to sound weird, but there are different kinds of polite, in different areas of the country.  Let me 'splain.
 
My standard is a big smile and direct eye contact.  I have 'one of those faces'.
 
Living in the rust belt, I got no help, and more quick looks and then looking away.
 
Living in the south, I get more smiles, offers of help, and door holding.
 
Living in an huge urban area, I was mostly ignored.
 
Living in a smaller urban area, more help.
 
What is considered polite and SOP in one area is considered rude in another.  The emotional and fiscal status quo of the community makes a huge difference, as does the population levels.
 
 
Fibromyalgia DX 2005. Ulcerative Colitis, arthritis, TMJ. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed.

There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/14/2010 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue, I have not gotten to the point of having to use an aid to walk or use a wheel chair so I have not had any experience with that yet.
 
But when I help someone in a motorized cart or wheel chair in a store it's not to make them feel bad or ackward it's the way I was raised and it is the way I raised my family. I hope when and if I get to where I need help someone will have raised their children to do the samething. All three of my sons chose careers to help others.
 
I do believe where you live has a lot to do with it too.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium, Osteoarthritis and Celiac
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches, Carafate and Prilosec
 
Vit D/calcium


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 1/14/2010 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Sigh.  I guess no one understands.  Or my message was not clear.
 
I was not upset that the person was polite.  I am never upset when people are polite.  I am polite to others, too.   People have been polite to me since this happened and I appreciate it.  I work in a town full of really nice people.   
 
I thought it was really sweet that the person wanted to open the door for me.  But she couldn't because it was locked.    I said thanks, but I have to unlock it first.    The only thing that felt odd was that she wanted to unlock it for me (with my keys).   I do not know why it felt odd.   Maybe because I would have had to get the keys out of my pocket and hand them to her so she could unlock the door for me.   Maybe that's it.
 
Does't anyone understand?
Sue
 
 
 
 

Agmaar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 1/15/2010 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue -
 
I've been in lurker mode trying not to focus so much on my health issues.  But this topic will coax me out of hiding.
 
I understand.  I'll give you 4 gold stars for situational awareness.  Your internal alarm was correct.  Trust your instincts and don't look back.  Don't give your keys to someone else, sort thru your wallet on a busy street where others are watching (and they are - I've scanned around when my wife or daughter has done that and they ARE being watched.  hehe     read them the riot act later in a nice way, but wish they were as aware as you are), or type in your PIN where others can see. 
 
Yeah - you were right to feel uncomfortable about giving your keys to someone else and he crossed a line in asking for them.  When I used to travel, I would put some bills into a front pocket so I never had to sort thru my wallet.  Prevention is a good thing.
 
lol ... I remember the time when we took our youngest daughter and several of her friends to a ball game.  They decided to go do something, and they all just left their purses by their seats.  *sigh sigh sigh*   So I went over and collected them all and brought them back to where we were sitting - next section over. No one questioned my walking over and picking up several purses.  Couldn't believe it.  Oh well ... life in a big city.
 
Continue to trust your instincts - they are good.
 
Hope everyone here is well - and that 2010 will be a better year for all of us.
 
 
Rich
 
Lyme, anxitey, depression, chronic C. Pnuemoniae
 
"... expect the unexpected ..."  (O. Wilde)
 
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)
 
 


vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 1/15/2010 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Sue...THAT I understand...rooting around in your purse for keys and handing them to a stranger.  I don't think any one of us would allow someone we didn't know to unlock our car or our house.  I thought it felt awkward because it reminded you of your disability.  Now I get it...and would have felt the same way.

Huggies

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/15/2010 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Okay, now I get it!!! You gotta remember we are not the sharpest group here. smilewinkgrin That would have made me feel uncomfortable too. I am very aware of my surroundings and the people around when I'm out by myself. Sadly, we can't trust anyone and even though she may have been the nicest person in the world you just don't know.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium, Osteoarthritis and Celiac
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches, Carafate and Prilosec
 
Vit D/calcium

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