Phoooooohooo........

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Bellami
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/15/2010 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
This is the sound I made tonight, feeling very defeated, ready to cry, and feeling that he just does not get it. I hurt, I try my best as long as I can and at some point my strength is just gone, robbed, taken away and I hurt.

Friday, I asked him to bring the canister vac up from the basement this weekend so I could do my bathroom, he laughed at me and just shook his head, like I was just a slacker. I said to him "you know I had just done the upstairs before you took it down there", I just had not done my bathroom. Then I left the house and went for a ride.

Now finally I am alone tonight and have found the tears that have been in my throat the whole weekend. Its a canister big honking thing, more and more my strength is gone, and more and more I see he just does not get it. I feel alone and scared. I have taken on extra work the last 5 months, it is more than I can handle but I can't say no, its family, that's what family does, I think he's still mad that I have taken on the extra care work, its starting to show in our relationship. I think its time I need some kind of support group, someone who actually understands it when I am exhausted and can't do anymore. I do take meds and they help but its not an exact science, they run out and I take the minimal,

right now I am thinking an electric blanket may be a good idea, I read about that somewhere here tonight.

Well that's my hello I guess, hope to get to know others who have fibro too. Night. wink

Post Edited (Bellami) : 2/15/2010 4:11:50 PM (GMT-7)


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/15/2010 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bella and welcome to the family. You have found the support you need. I take it you are talking about hubby or boyfriend when you refer to HIM, LOL. I'm one of the lucky ones with a hubby that at least tries to understand and does his share around the house considering the hours he puts in at work. But geez, if he took the sweeper to the basement the least he could do is bring it back up where it belongs. It took my DH years before I got through to him, with the help of education, what it is like to have fibro.
 
Read the fibro 101, second from the top on first page, it contains lots of great info and one is "The Spoon Theory" that shows just how little energy we have. I would have never understood fibro before I got it so I'm happy there are those people that can put into words what we feel like. Fatigue has always been my biggest problem but pain is catching up.
 
This is a great group of people and there will be many that understand where you are coming from. Sometimes just venting and having people to read what you write and understand is great help.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium, Osteoarthritis and Celiac
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches, Carafate and Prilosec
 
Vit D/calcium


merrygirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 2/15/2010 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
hello. I am hoping you are feeling a little better. Its really hard to understand chronic illness and pain if you do not have it. I know before I got sick I had very little compassion and understanding about such things.

when you say you have picked up more work what is it that you do? family obligations?

What i do for myself is at night or in the morning make a list of things that i want to accomplish for the next day. It sounds silly.,, but it really helps to check things off. the list can look like this if you are having a really bad day.

take shower, make bed ,brush teeth
or it can be make bed, clean cat box, pay bill
etc etc

this will make you feel like you have accomplished something, and you did!
anyway, I hope this message finds you in a better place!
best wishes,
melissa
Chronic Lyme Disease,Fibromyalgia, CFS, PCOS, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, bulging discs to name a few


TressiaN
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 2/15/2010 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bella, It took a while before my husband understood what i was going through. The way I got my hubby to understand was to talk to him. I gave him some information i printed out about Fibro and asked him to read it. Then I told him how hard it was on me to deal with what i was going through and that I needed to know he would be there for me. After he had a few days to think about it things started to change. Now he is wonderfull, and does what he can to help me. I had to help him to understand. It's hard for us to understand our own illness and we go through it every day, so be patient and help those around you to understand and things will work out.  We are here for you any time you need help. You are not alone.    
 Diagnosed with -FM, Degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis, arthritis, Lupus., undifferentiated connective tissue disease. 
Medications- Plaquanil, 800 Ibuprofen, Lortab, Cymbalta 


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/15/2010 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bella,

And welcome! And yes, we DO get it here because we all have been where you are. I would suggest that warm blanket any night you aren't relaxed and that it's not already too hot, of course. Warmth does so much good for the muscles...not just the immediate pain but to relax them which helps the pain lessen. And I think TressiaN gave you some terrific advice. Educate those whom you love. They might be frightened also and learning what's going on can bring them back into your world.

Some spouses 'get it' and other don't, and there are those who just don't want to get it. I'm not sure what category yours falls into but even the best can hit their limit at times. Invite him to go to a doc appointment with you even if he has to take time off work. It's for your lives together. Loving isn't being mocked and laughed at but helping and caring. Time to gently tell him what you are going through and ask if he will partner you through it.

But we will always be here for you too whatever your needs are. This is a caring group who knows that it feels like to live with fibro and all of it's miserable little side dishes so we have the compassion that makes it work.

Hugs,
Chutz
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 2/16/2010 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bella,

I too would like to welcome you to the forum. You really have found a wonderful group of people here. You can learn a lot and share things that work for you. We can always stand to learn more.

I am sorry that your husband doesn't quite get it, but I think that as mentioned above, education will help the situation. It is hard with fibro, because it is something that you can't see and people think that if you look fine, you are fine. Though we are not.

I have gotten my pain and fatigue under control with medications. That is what worked for me. Along with malic acid and vitamin D3. I still have pain, but I can tolerate it. We will always have pain, that is one thing for sure. But if we can get it down to a tolerable level, we can still lead a healthy happy life.

Keep posting, and do read fibro101. There really is a wealth of information there.

I hope that you are having a painfree day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17094
   Posted 2/16/2010 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome, Bella!  I'm so glad you found us and joined in.  As the others have said, we have a wonderful group here that love to help one another and, as a bonus, we really do care about each other, too.  So, I think you will like it here. 
 
I see you have been directed to Fibro 101.  There are some good links there that you can use to help your husband understand what you are going through.  Fibro is hard for people to understand that haven't walked in your shoes.  You look just great to them!  But, start reading and printing things out to help them to try to understand.  
 
We DO understand, though, so come here to ask questions and just vent.  We all need that.  We can help you with some good ideas to help with the pain so you can live a full and enjoyable life in spite of fibo.  I know I have.  
 
So, again, welcome!  Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you.  I hope to hear more from you soon.
 
Sherrine   
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Libby08
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 434
   Posted 2/16/2010 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Bella.  I have read the posts and can't add much more to what's already been said.  It took quite a while for my husband to understand and there are still some days where I think, "does he really get it"?  But as another post said, even the best ones reach their limits at times. You really have come to the right place.  I have found so much support and so much information here.  This really is a family. 

Bellami
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/16/2010 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh gosh, how do I reply to all of you,
Thank you all so much. You all gave such caring responses, I can see I needed to come here to some understanding hearts.
I'll start the Fibro 101 reading tomorrow, its been a long day today and I have just gotten home and read your replies.

The extra work I have taken on is watching a newborn, a grandchild our first, 3 days and 2 nights in a row a week, I can't tell you all how much I know that it affects my fibro my strength and my pain with the lack of sleep, I know it will get better the older the child gets but right now, its tough, and my hubby is sort of helping, but not really. I may just be extra sensitive right now but it really hurt when he showed such a lack of understanding with me. I think my Fibro is just getting old and in his way.

I was diagnosed after a bad accident 5 years ago and I think I finally found some real understanding support here as well as another source to help figure this fibro out.

I take 50 mg of Lyrica once to twice a day and I know its not enough my doctor has said as much, but I don't know how to make it better, and her only suggestion is to not watch the baby and get good sleep and up the dosage. I don't want to increase the drugs but I don't want to continue to live with the pain. I have to go right now, but will be back, to reread these and start the Fibro 101. Thanks again. Bella

Bellami
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/17/2010 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen, can you tell me how much Malic Acid and D3 you are taking?
Thanks, Bella

getting by said...


I have gotten my pain and fatigue under control with medications. That is what worked for me. Along with malic acid and vitamin D3.

Hugs, Karen

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17094
   Posted 2/17/2010 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Bella, there is a link in Fibro 101 all about malic acid/magnesium supplements.  You do have to start out slowly because the magnesium can cause some diarrhea.  But, read that link.  Everything is totally explained there.  I hope these help you!  They have helped me a lot
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Bellami
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/17/2010 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Sherrine, I'll check it out. Bella
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