I just need someone to talk to.

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/20/2010 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
This is RaeRae,
I am new here and I guess I joined to write and possibly have someone to talk to and make myself feel better.
This isn't just about Fibromyalgia all together. I have had it for a couple of years now but I have had a life you could write a book about. Maybe I should, but I can't focus long enough to get anything done.
I'm just horribly sad and have been for months now. I used to think of myself as a very strong person, but I don't any more. I honestly just have accepted the fact that I must be dieing. I am just hoping that something is wrong with me so I can just slip away and not let anyone down in the process. It isn't even that my heart is aching. I'm not anymore. I'm just tired and I think that the world is such a cruel place.
Everything revolves around money, which I have never had, but now it is worse. I have sold everything I own besides my TV, my mattress, one chair and my vehicle that I can't drive because I can't afford insurance and the plates are expired. My drivers license expired and I couldn't pay the property tax on my vehicle and so they suspended my license. I drove anyways just to go drop off my table and chairs that I sold to make some money. Now I have to go to court in order to get a special insurance, pay like $1400 in fines and the bad thing is that after it is all done I won't have a vehicle to drive because I will have to sell it to pay the court fees.
My boyfriend leases the house we are in with option to purchase. Before we got together his credit was great but now due to my issues and bills that he has been helping with his credit is now bad. We have one more year before we have to purchase it and we can't and so we will not have a place to live as he was laid off about 10 months ago and now has a small part time job that brings in only about $80 a week.
I have a small work from home job that makes us enough money to pay the bills most months, but we are still falling behind and can't even make a payment on his credit cards that are around $28,000. He also had a 2nd loan for a house his name was on before he was divorced. His wife now has cancer for the 2nd time and going through therapy. If she dies then we are responsible for that house also.
It is just too much. No matter how hard I try I never get ahead and before I became ill I busted my tail for about 4 years and when ever I had extra money, I mean every time, we had an emergency come up like the roof cave in, my brother going into ICU with swine flu and I had to go help his family, sons teeth getting knocked out at baseball practice or him getting into trouble with the law and having additional court costs and counciling.
I have no energy. I can hardly clean the house some days and get the chores done. I also just came down with shingles also which is irritating. I have a ruptured disc and a bulging disc, an ankle that has been operated on because I tore all of the tendons on both sides and so have limited range of motion in.
I know this is a pesonal pitty party, but I can't help it. Now my ex husband is drinking worse than ever and was taken to jail for abusing his family. He isn't a beater, but when he drinks he gets upset and it can lead to pushing and slapping. He was much better before we divorced. He is remarried to a wonderful woman and they have a 5 year old son now and our daughter who is 16 lives there. She moved in with me when he was bad and then when he cleaned up she moved back. Not long after he started again so she may come back to live with me and I lover her and I would love to have her back with me but I can't afford to feed her. I had to tell my son to move back to his dad because I couldn't afford to help him but he is 20. I will be the crappiest grandparent ever.
How do people live? How do they make enough money to cover bills or repair credit? I'm just so down and don't think I will be coming out of this hole.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40386
   Posted 2/20/2010 7:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Raerae,

It sounds like you sure have your plate full right now. But I guess there are a lot of people in your situation. Not exact, but similar. It is hard to get by right now for all of us. So don't feel alone with this.

It sounds like your boyfriend has his hands full with his ex having cancer and everything else. Have you thought about going to any counseling? I am talking therapy for support. Somebody to talk to that would help you sort things out. If you can't afford it, there are programs that offer low fees for services. Some are free. Have you contacted human resources to see if they could help you? That might be an option at this time.

I am sorry about the situation with your car. Luckily you are working from home though so that helps. And I am sorry that you have a ticket to pay. I hope that you get that sorted out.

Is your boyfriend looking for better work? Being that he is working part time at this time, it shows that he does work and hopefully that in itself will help him to get a better job.

I am glad that you have come here to vent. We often need to do that to help release the tension that we are going through. I know it is easier said than done, but try not to think of the situation too much as the stress is going to make your fibromyalgia worse and you will be in more pain. Do what you can do. Take it one day at a time. Try to live in the now. That usually helps you to not worry.

Hopefully somebody else will come along with some more ideas for you. I basically wanted to welcome you to the forum. Will post more later.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/20/2010 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen
Thanks for listening.
I did try counciling, and got on the list at the hospital where I didn't have to pay. They set up an appointment and it was a month and a half out. The date was close and the Dr called and canceled and moved the apt farther off three more weeks. That apt came up and the Dr calledin sick and so they rescheduled me for another month out. Finally it looked like I could go and we had a horrible snow storm and the office closed. I called another office and go an apt and the same thing happened. They canceled and moved me a month out. It has been 6 months of tying to get in.
He isn't looking for another job as the work we do at home he helps me with and witout his help I couldn't make nearly the money I do now.
Thankfully I smile through anything. I am a very positive person all the way around and have learned positive self talk and not to dwell on situations you can't change that instant.
Thank you again and I know I will make it through this.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 2/21/2010 4:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi RaeRea,
I know exactly how you fell you just can’t seem to get ahead and nothing works out. I have long struggled with weather it’s fair to anyone I would go out with because of my condition and financial situation. Definitely do the counseling thing it’s good to get it off your chest. I understand the money thing too my income has been reduced by 43%. It sure makes things difficult, but I guess it’s those challenges in life to make you stronger. Prior to being too ill to work I chose to volunteer and help people which had me incur debt rather than earn an extra $10K a year at work. Would I do it again probably, but I don’t know for sure.
You’re very lucky to have a guy to be there for you and to be there for him. It makes me envy you a little. I’ve always been the one doing the helping and supporting and find it really hard to accept help or support.
Hang in there it can only get better.
DX: IBS 00, +ANA 05, Depression 06, MCTD & Sjogren's 07, GER 08, NO Sjogren's 09, Fibro and all over tendonitis?????  
Life is what you make of it.  Just something I try to remind myself every day.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 2/21/2010 6:59 AM (GMT -6)   
I think you should encourage your boyfriend to get a full time job. It is the only way. I know you said you need his help, but perhaps you couldd manage on your own for a little while. Or possibly contact some business development groups in your area to see if there is any local programs you could use. I know here I can hire someone qualified to help me in my business and it would cost me little or nothing. The government would subsidize their wages. I know it is hard - I have been in the money situation for what seems like years, and every time we have a few dollars to put away, something expensive comes up. It never ends, and I have just come through an agonizig period of depression over it. Do I get a full time job, even though I know I won't have the energy for it? Do I stay home and just keep telling my two little girls that we can't afford anything? It seems like we are always counting pennies to get milk or meds. I do understand. I found an answer for my situation, I think, although only time will tell. And I know there is an answer for you. It just sometimes seems that we can never find it until we are at the very lowest point in our lives. Maybe you could join a church? I know that may seem futile, but if you have even some faith left, it could help you, and you might be surprised at the amount of support a person can get from belonging to a church. They may be able to offer some counciling, some one-on-one talks about life and why we must suffer, not to mention a whole congregation of people who would love you and pray for you. I hope I have helped. A hug to you, and understanding.
fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel, restless legs, polycystic ovarian syndrome.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17055
   Posted 2/21/2010 1:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, RaeRae, and welcome.  I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now.  I think we all go through bad times like this.  Many are having many of the same problems you are having.  When I was younger, I had a lot of financial problems, too, like that.  Of course, I shopped at a "generic" grocery store, dollar stores, bought Christmas gifts at garage sales, etc.  My kids never realized how much we were struggling.  I made a lot of soup and inexpensive casseroles back then, too. 
Sit down and look at any way you can possibly cut corners.  Also, be searching to see where you will go next year if you can't afford to stay where you are.  Have a plan.  That will help with your depression.  Right now  you don't know what you will do so you need to have a plan.  Figure out how much money you have to work with and only go someplace you can afford.  As the money increases, which it probably will when things settle down in this economy, then you can start moving up again.  BUT, you need to keep within  your means.  Always plan for the unexpected, too.  It always happens...to every one of us.  There are a lot of assistance programs out there for people who are struggling...especially right now. 
Things do manage to work out somehow.  Keep the faith and keep plugging away...one day at a time...and before you know it, you will have some answers to your situation.  I hope this happens soon for you.

Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 2/21/2010 11:36:55 AM (GMT-7)

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