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DonniesGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 4/11/2010 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again friends,
I would love to have some advice from you on how to get my life back in order.  I am feeling really down on myself, and don't know what to do. 
I have been a housewife pretty much all my married life.  I've cooked, cleaned, gardened, and sewed, wiped noses, etc.   Well, over the past 4 or 5 years of my life, my fibromyalgia has worsened, and there have been a lot of changes in my life.  The changes that have been really tough are my husband's job losses, shift changes, etc.  We've gone from swing shift, to Monday thru Friday 6-2, midnight shift to afternoon shift now.  His days off rotate, so I basically have to stop and think about what day of the week it is.  I literally live for his days off so we can be together. 
Since the time all this started, I have basically given up on cooking, and wait until evening to clean my house.  My laundry piles up, and so does the dust. 
The main thing  though, is the cooking.  I have 2 teenagers, and then my husband and I.  I seriously maybe only cook 1 time a week!  I feel so guilty.  The kids go to other peoples houses, and they eat a good meal.  They come home, and we go to Subway or McDonald's.  My husband has an early afternoon shift, and mornings are my worst time.  I don't feel like moving, let alone cooking a meal.  So, we go eat somewhere.  Then I pick up my kids from school at different times because of the things they are involved in, and I take them to eat somewhere. 
How can I get back to where I was?  I feel like a failure.  I know this may sound like a petty thing to some people, but it is so important to me. 
 
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, GERD, Irritable Bowel, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Depression
 
Rx:  Lyrica 100mg 2x, Prilosec OTC, Paxil, Xanax
 
 
 
Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
there's One who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on...


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17097
   Posted 4/11/2010 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
How about cooking meals for your kids at dinnertime.  Prepare extra and make plates so that you and your husband can have homecooked meals the next day for lunch...before his shift.  You would be spending quality time with your teens, which is very important,  you would be providing much healthier meals for your entire family, and you would be giving your hubby a great meal and some time alone to talk. 
 
When I cook, I prepare extra and it goes in my daughter's lunches.  Not too many people get steak and baked potatoes for lunch, but my daughter does!  I have plates with snap on lids that I put the meals in.  That makes it easy. 
 
Also, preparing homemade soups and casseroles are pretty easy.  I'll double the recipe and freeze one of the casseroles for another time.  When I make lasagna, I will freeze individual pieces to serve during a more hurried time.  I actually will be taking some of my lasagna out to thaw because I'll be gone all day Tuesday.  I'll get home around dinner so I'll nuke the thawed lasagna, heat up some garlic bread, and make a salad so that my daughter and I can have a nice meal that only will take me minutes to make.
 
I hope these ideas help you.  You will not only feel good about doing this, but your guilt will leave.  Plus, think of the money you will be saving by not eating out.  You will be giving your family healthy meals.  The effort lets them know how much you love them.
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


DonniesGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 4/11/2010 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Sherrine.  I appreciate your reply so much.  When I saw your Bible verse...it made me cry.  :)  (In a good way)  :) 
I'm going to try to get things in order.  I've thought many times about "batch cooking".  I thought that might help too. 
 
Hugs,
DonniesGirl  :)
Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, GERD, Irritable Bowel, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Depression
 
Rx:  Lyrica 100mg 2x, Prilosec OTC, Paxil, Xanax
 
 
 
Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
there's One who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on...


Dagger
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 4/11/2010 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I do almost all my cooking in a crock pot. I usually use two at a time and fill one with boneless chicken and the other with either beef or pork, whatever is on sale. I don't add much to the pot so the meat is plain. When it is finished, I package it in small containers, some individual serving size and some family size. Depending on what I cook, I may only do this 2 or 3 times a month.

When we want a meal, we can just take something out of the freezer and prepare it any way we want. The meat can be added to soups, stews, sandwiches, salads, gravy, sauces, whatever you'd usually use the meat for.

My husband and teenager use the individual sizes for lunch or when they are getting dinner for themselves and we have the family size for when we eat together.

If you have the giant crock pot, you can put potatoes and root vegetables in the bottom for a bit of extra flavor and dinner the next few days.

Acheybody
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5929
   Posted 4/11/2010 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
DonniesGirl,
With all you've got under your signature, I'd say you're doing pretty well! I've had fibro since my kids were little. I realized when they were teenagers that they, and my husband for that matter, were capable of cooking some, and shopping, and taking some responsibility for what went in their own mouths! So I began to feel less guilty that I wasn't doing all of that "as well as my mother had done."

I made sure we had good, simple food in the house - fruit, bread, peanut butter, dairy stuff, veggies, etc. (meat for them, not me) that they could elaborate on if they felt like it (they didn't.) I'd make a nutritious, if not exciting, meal every night, and we all ate together. I've still got a fridge magnet that states my attitude, that my older daughter gave me: "Every night I give my family 2 choices for dinner - take it or leave it!" Sure, we went out once in a while ... and sometimes they chose to go out alone. Now they're 27, 24, and 20 and they all eat more healthfully than their friends. No one will ever call me a great cook; but then, it was never my thing to begin with. What I lack in culinary worries I make up for in other areas - animal welfare, social rights and relationship issues - - -we all have our crosses to bear! Good luck to you.
Debbie
 
  Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, Meniere's, mild liver damage (why?), keloid scar tissue (from burn) on back, arthritis, lumbar disc damage, IBS, migraine
  Meds: Nortriptyline, Clonazepam, Darvocet as needed
multivitamins, l-lysine, probiotics, magnesium, malic acid, calcium + vit. D, vit. C
  Chiropractic adjustments


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 4/11/2010 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Something else that helps is having a stool in the kitchen. It takes the pressure off your feet and you can prepare at the counter. I also use the crockpot. When my kids were at home, each person got a night to cook. Every weekend we would each choose what we wanted to cook and we would get the groceries based on the menu. It was a big help. Crock pots are a life saver and batch cooking is nice, too.
Sue

DonniesGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 4/11/2010 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone...your replies are appreciated so much. It is so helpful to know that others understand and care. :) I am going to work on this issue...and dust off the crock pot. :)

Sincerely,
DonniesGirl
Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, GERD, Irritable Bowel, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Depression
 
Rx:  Lyrica 100mg 2x, Prilosec OTC, Paxil, Xanax
 
 
 
Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
there's One who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on...


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 4/11/2010 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi DG..

I'm sure glad you posted about this. There are probably lots of people with similar problems but are too shy or embarrassed to share. I don't blame anyone and I think you're mighty courageous for talking about this openly.

I'll add a couple of other thoughts to the great ones already posted. You have 2 teenagers...there is your built in help! Even if the kids have after school activities there is no reason they can't be helping with anything and everything around the house including scrubbing toilets and cooking meals. The once a week cooking ideas are great. Google that topic and you'll find zillions of sites for ideas. Make that one day a week on the weekend and the kids WILL help you out.

I would sit the entire family down the next time you have everyone home and awake at the same time and have a family meeting. Then tell them just what you told us. I would bet they volunteer to do many of the things you need help with. If it's too hard to say these things out loud then write it down and present everyone with their own copy of your letter from Mom. Tell them things you appreciate about them first, then how you are doing health-wise and finally have a written list of the things you need them to help with. Let THEM choose instead of assigning chores. I used this with my kids from the time they were very small. Since they chose a chore I wasn't picking on anyone or assigning the duties 'unfairly'...lol Kids are full of compassion and are willing to help. Make sure hubby is on the same page with you before you start so he doesn't have any surprises. I did the family meetings with my kids until they left the house and went out on their own. It's a great time to talk as a family. AND, I would have a great dessert ready for the end of the meeting. Maybe something simple like root beer floats or the makings for ice cream sundaes. Keep it simple, for them and for you.

And last...no more guilt, OK? We understand how you feel and you have no need to feel guilty. It's easy for me to say and very difficult for me and so many others to do but I'm working on it...want to join me?

Chutz
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


grumpydogze76
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 4/12/2010 1:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello and Welcome
 
              First of All my name is John.............and i have been dealing with fibromyalgia for about twenty years that i am aware of.......I wasnt diagnosed untill 2007 (i think).....The reason i am replying to you is that its not always a bad thing to be a little down on yourself.....hell i think i have been down on myself for about two months now......I am just starting the long journey out of the hole now i hope......The thing i have found the hardest to deal with is people (like my wife) who just dont wont and cant understand the amount of pain that this causes me.....im not in bed all day because i want to be....im there because everytime i move i get the most awful pain i can imagine anyway and it sucks but thats the hand i have been dealt in life......sometimes its hard for me to accept it so i can relate when others looking in cant even understand......i do feel for you with the cooking and the cleaning.....since i havent been able to work much if at all really i havent been able to work at all for the last five years......so i have had to pick up the slack at home so my wife could work.......not that i can even come close to picking up the slack on the days that im stuck in the bed room........but i do try to do all that i can to help ease the burden.......and really thats all i think we can do at least i cant im sorry if this seems incomplete but i have to go lay down now.....im sure we will talk again in the future....but the main thing is dont give up because that is bad....always keep trying thats what i do....................
Fibromyalgia DX June of 07 December of 08 i got to have a vacation in the hospital with blood clots in my legs and abdomin meds I have tried them all the only thing that even remotely helps me is oxycodone 15 mg and thats all i take i hate meds trying to get disability since June of 05

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