I have to be perfect (a poem)

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SassyMyKitty
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 6/24/2010 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to be perfect and do what they say.
I have to be perfect in every single way.
No matter how I am, no matter how I feel,
I have to be perfect, and this is for real.
 
I have to clean, I have to shine.
I have to pretend that I feel fine.
I have to be a perfect mother.
I have to be perfect, like no other.
 
I have to be the perfect wife.
I have to live a pefect life.
I must do whatever I'm told.
I must hide the pain and be bold.
 
Perfection is my middle name.
Perfection is no fun game.
I have to perfect, that much I see.
But perfect is something I never can be.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 


crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 6/24/2010 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, I think poetry let's others see how we are feeling at a certain point in time. It's
a reflection of our emotions. From your poem, I feel that you are caught up in an
expectation of what you think others expect. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
I have been there and done that and found I can only do what I can do.

You do have a way with words and expressed yourself beautifully.

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements
 
 


luvskermit
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 166
   Posted 6/24/2010 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I love this. :)

Acheybody
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5929
   Posted 6/24/2010 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Just reading your poem made me tired!  I hope you don't really feel this way anymore?
  Achey 
 
    Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, possible Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraine headaches, tachycardia, skin cancer surgeries on face
    Meds: Nortriptyline, Clonazepam, Darvocet as needed
    Multivitamins, l-lysine, probiotics, magnesium, malic acid, calcium + vit. D, vit. C
    Chiropractic adjustments
 
Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken.


SassyMyKitty
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 6/24/2010 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
The best way I know how to express myself is through poetry. Every now and then, I get this strong feeling that I have to be perfect.  That I have to clean everything and take care of everything and everyone and not think about myself. I've been feeling that way today for some reason. I hate it. I feel like I am not a very good wife or mother, so I am constantly trying to be better. I am constantly trying to make everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing my own feelings.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 


Acheybody
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5929
   Posted 6/24/2010 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I know exactly what you mean, and I hate it too! It's so draining. And yet so irresistible sometimes, too.
Poetry is great because it doesn't have to make sense, it's just your own experience, with no judgement.
  Achey 
 
    Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, possible Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraine headaches, tachycardia, skin cancer surgeries on face
    Meds: Nortriptyline, Clonazepam, Darvocet as needed
    Multivitamins, l-lysine, probiotics, magnesium, malic acid, calcium + vit. D, vit. C
    Chiropractic adjustments
 
Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken.


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 6/24/2010 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for posting this, Sassy. I've been that way my entire life and have tried to fight it. I'm still trying to win the fight and won't quit.

Hugs to you and Alex,
Chutz
If you're going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


Sheila1366
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 384
   Posted 6/25/2010 1:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I can relate to what you are saying...thanks for sharing.
Fibromyalgia,arthritis,raynauds syndrome,gastroparesis,IBS,depression,severe costochondritis
 
God and Family is my life.


GSDgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1286
   Posted 6/25/2010 7:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Everyday my hubby says "are you going to clean this house up?" Keep in mind it is not really even dirty just a few things could be put away. HE wants the perfect house, perfect wife, perfect yard, perfect dog, yada yada yada. I am not perfect and never will be and I have never in all my life been a bed maker unless I just changed the sheets.

I LOVE this poem. Well done.
Denise from Pittsburgh, Pa
 ***diagnosis: high blood pressure, gastritis, fibromyalgia, hepatitis (SVR),  disc problems in neck, depression, anxiety & stress
 ***meds: metroplol 25mg, zoloft 150mg, gabapentin 300mg 3x a day zocor , (soma, fioronal, tramadol, as needed).
 ***other supps: calcium, vit D 2,000-4,000 per, milk thistle, vit C &E, acidopholos (sp?),  
CO-Q 10,  flax or fish oil, ginsing, magnesium, B complex,
 


SassyMyKitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 6/25/2010 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
One of the things about fibro that bothers me the most, and I think a lot of you will agree with this, is that I can't do all the things I used to be able to do. Before my fibro, I used to clean and rearrange things just for the heck of it. I would get bored, so I would start cleaning. And I could clean a lot and not feel any exhaustion or pain. I used to be able to do tons of walking and it wouldn't bother me. I have always strived for perfection. I think part of that comes from the years I lived with my step-father. He's a total perfectionist. So now that I have fibro, it is hard for me to get all the things I want and need done done. You know? It's so frustrating. I want to be the perfect wife and mother. But I'm not. And that bothers me. When my son gets older, I want to be able to take him hiking out at Turkey Run. It's one of my favorite places here in Indiana. I want to be able to take him camping, although I have never gone before. I want to be able to ride roller coasters and fun rides without it hurting me. All the things I can't do anymore weighs on me. It's one of the most frustrating things about fibro.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 


Missmissy
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 6/25/2010 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Sassy~I loved your poem. You have quite a talent there! I, too, can identify with what you're saying. I'm a perfectionist in many things, including cleaning. I have had to learn to be more compassionate with myself, and allow myself to be satisfied with doing my best on any particular day. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. With time, I'm getting better at accepting the fact that things aren't the way I would like them to be, but they are just plain good enough. Frustrating, but true!
Crohn's Disease, Fibromyalgia, Psoriatic Arthritis
1200 mg. Asacol 3 times daily for Crohn's, 12.5 mg. Savella per day along with Tramadol for pain for the Fibro, and right now, not much for the PA.
I'm not going to take this lying down.


Azgram
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 6/25/2010 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, your poem is great & describes the first 60 yrs. of my life, but having fibro, osteoarthritis, & reaching 65 yrs., I'm finally learning to stop living up to my old & others' expectations. Thank you & Robin for your talent. Hugs, Azgram cool turn

SassyMyKitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 6/25/2010 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I am very happy that so many of you liked my poem and can relate to it. It's nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings. It has been hard. I am trying to accept the fact that there are some things I just can't do, but it is hard. I have a lot of pressure coming from my family. Especially my sister. She keeps telling me that I need to get a job, and I keep telling her that I can't be on my feet and/or doing a lot of stuff for eight hours a day. But she just keeps pushing. It's really getting on my nerves. She thinks it was silly of me to apply for SSI at such a young age, but I know what I can and cannot do. And many others were telling me it would be a good thing to apply, so that's what I did. I feel like almost everyone thinks I should be perfect. That I should just ignore all the pain that I am in and just do everything. It's maddening, to tell you the truth. I am just trying to be the best mother and wife and person I can be.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 


Irish Babe
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1371
   Posted 6/25/2010 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, you are a very sweet young woman, a loving mother, loyal wife, and a very good friend - I think that makes you 'Perfect' in any body's book. It is very easy to fall into the trap of trying to live up to someone else's ideal of 'Perfection'. It is usually to someone else's benefit that we are 'Perfect'. It takes the pressure off of them. I think many of us have fallen into that trap thru the yrs. Me included.
 
We need to review what is important to us, what we can do comfortably. There comes a time when others have to pick up the baton and go forth. We will do what we can, when we can. Our health hangs in the balance.
 
Sisters can mean well, but, as w/ anyone else - They do not live in our bodies!! My younger sister believes she knows what is best for me and the rest of the world. She spent a lot of time telling me how I should do this or that, why don't I __________? I usually let her prattle for a bit, see if there is anything that I hadn't thought of before. If I can't find anything helpful, I tell her, she needs to STOP! Basically, I do have to repeat the word 'STOP' a couple of time - not yelling, just firmly. I have explained to her what is happening or not happening w/ my body/'brain'/energy, etc. Now this is what I can do or NOT. Conversation over. Some days I have the energy to go about my day and that's about it. I do not have the energy for a debate. That takes more energy then I have to spend in any day.
 
I always made myself available for family and friends to 'let their hair down'. They didn't reciprocate much because they figured I was always in control, I didn't need to vent. I am mostly a private person, but sometimes that gets to be a burden, too.
 
To bring this novel to a close, I just wanted to say. Do want you can, do what is best for you, you don't owe your sister anything. She doesn't live in your body, You do. I wish you the best!!
 
God bless.  Alice.
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