I need some help and advice.
Married 15 years, two young girls (10 and 7)
Wife got a nursing degree 2.5 years ago, but was diagnosed with Fibro and CFS in April, 2008. She qualified for disability from her employer, and she qualified for SSDI in March 2009.
For the first year she was very depressed. Couldn’t find a good doctor, problems getting diagnosed – things I’m sure you’ve all dealt with.
Last May she started seeing a new doctor, temporary diet change and new supplements. Seemed like her energy was increasing and the depression was lifting a bit.
Since then – the last year has been hell. I found out that much of her increase in energy was due to attention from a couple of old male friends from high school. Then she bought an iPhone. I looked at our first bill and saw 800 texts to one number. Basically, she was having two emotional affairs. She stopped seeing these two men, but continued to do other things online and with her phone.
We separated about 7 months ago so that we would stop arguing so much, hoping to come back together. She moved out – there was never really a discussion regarding who would leave. Since separating, I have continued to find evidence of “electronic” affairs with other men – and even some meetings. My wife has also started hanging out once or twice a week at a bar with a couple of single girlfriends.
I’m ready to give up.
Am I wrong to think that if she can spend up to 4 hours in bed, hunched over laptop, or if she can go to a bar from 11pm until close – shouldn’t she be focusing on being a better parent, or possibly using her nursing degree in SOME capacity? Our marriage counselor suggested vocational rehab, but this just made my wife mad.
Am I wrong to think that if we go before a judge to discuss Alimony, he’s likely to tell her to stop partying, grow up and get a job, and maybe even have her SSDI case reviewed?
Is this a common issue for people with fibro – to retreat into secret online lives?
What do other people who can’t work do to fill their time? To find some satisfaction in life?
I’ve been a good, supportive husband, but even before the separation – even back to nursing school – I’ve often felt like a single dad. Between raising two kids and working full time to support us, I guess I’m unable to meet whatever her needs are. But a lot of other guys – with no kids, possibly no job – have all the time in the world.
She's also in danger of losing her employer sponsored disability due to a two year limitation on "self reported symptoms". In their letter, they - like the marriage counselor suggested - state that she would be eligible for some sort of training program to help her find a way to use her skills.
Any advice, or help of any kind would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Post Edited (nice777guy) : 7/8/2010 11:58:47 AM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (nice777guy) : 7/8/2010 12:00:17 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (TheChickenPrincess) : 7/8/2010 3:40:35 PM (GMT-6)