Stress and in a foul mood

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KellieJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 382
   Posted 7/19/2010 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
As many as you know MIL is in rehab hospital, medical issues have been on going and now there is talk of releasing her in a few days.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It will be month between the hospital and rehab, I know insurance is releasing her.  Case manager verfied that.
 
She still has limited moblility and gets out of breath very easy.
 
She still has swelling in her legs and it was weeping today, her drain has to be packed. 
 
She lives with us, I had a talk with her, she thinks she is ready to be released never mind she isn't allowed to transfer on her own.  She needs help with hygiene.  I'm a frank person and I told her look your gonna have fall, recovery this time is harder next time even harder.
 
I told her she has to help with the medical equipment, she thinks she doesn't need any.  I explain the toliet here is higher big difference, even then she struggles to lift her self up.
 
They worked with her using a cane today for short distances....that makes me angry because she walks a few feet with the walker, her left leg is unsteady and she has to sit for breaks.  She isn't ready for the cane yet.  We are gonna hide the cane.  Also doing our last meeting, they wanted someone here with her, it's unsafe for her to be alone, I do agree.
 
I know after talking with the case worker today, if she didn't live with us she would not be allowed to go home she would have to go to a facility.
 
I don't mind taking care of her but there has to be some common sense here, she is 180 pds, I don't honestly believe I am strong enough to hold her if she got weak......heck I get weak at moments doing simple things..
 
Rant Rant RAve RAve......ugh ugh.  Yes, I'm praying too......
 
Thank you for letting me vent.

TheChickenPrincess
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/19/2010 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, KellieJo! Holy Moly. My phone is ringing so I can't reply as I'd like - but I just wanted to let you know I feel for you!! *great big hugs*

sotiredoffibro
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 7/19/2010 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear KellieJo I am so sorry that this is all being put on your shoulders. You are a strong person to have been able to live with your mother-in-law. I never got along with mine. I will be praying for some help for you so that the whole burden isnt on your shoulders.
Gentle Hugs
Shirley
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)


KellieJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 382
   Posted 7/19/2010 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
My hubby agrees and is worried too, he has to work which I am thankful for.

She has lived with us for 7 years and we both promise we were not going to put her in a nursing home. Honestly she wouldn't get the care, I know what they are like.

Baby steps.......I have a meeting tomorrow with the case manager, just voice my feelings. Maybe call the insurance company but I do know she has declined in her rehab and insurance will not continue to pay for that.

If we have to we will bring her home and take her back to the hospital if she goes down hill again. I do know her white blood count and hemoglobin is still low.

Thanks all.

crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/19/2010 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Kellie, I don't know if paliative care is an option for you...it is sort of pre- hospice
where someone comes during the week to assist with bathing and PT in the home.

My Dad was on that for a short while before he was on hospice. Hoping your meeting
tomorrow will reveal some answers for you. You must know in your heart that you
aren't able to care for her much longer because of your own health. Keeping you and
your family in my prayers.

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements
 
 


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17095
   Posted 7/19/2010 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I took care of my mother as long as I could but she kept having stroke after stroke.  Finally I knew I couldn't handle it.  I'm not nurse material to begin with.  She had a stomach tube that had to be irrigated and that's how she ate.  She couldn't walk, etc.  Finally I told her I couldn't do it anymore...and I REALLY couldn't!  I was physically exhausted and in a lot of pain from helping her in and out of the wheelchair, etc.
 
I never thought I'd ever have to put my beloved mother in a nursing home, either, but you don't have control over her physical health....or your physical health for that matter!  You are not a nurse.  You are not strong.  You suffer from chronic pain and fatigue.  This all has to be taken into consideration.  No one wants to put a loved one in a nursing home but I managed to find a beautiul one that was well-run and Mom was as content as she could be under the circumstances.  I spent a lot of time with her there and she was getting better care then I could do.  But, I was also blessed with a Mom who understood.  When I told her I couldn't take care of her anymore, she said that she knew that.  God love her.  She sure was precious.
 
Your MIL needs to stay in rehab until she can manage basic care of herself.  If she can't do that then assisted living would be the next step.  Taking care of an adult is sooo difficult to handle when your muscles are screaming at you and you don't sleep worth a hoot.  You and hubby need to sit down with her and the facility and really explain the situation.  It's not like you are strong and healthy.  You could use some help yourself!  I'm sure they will have good suggestions for you.
 
Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 7/19/2010 7:13:23 PM (GMT-6)


TheChickenPrincess
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/19/2010 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry I couldn't write more before, but I'm so glad you've had such great replies from the others. I hope you can find some sort of compromise that will work out.

While I don't have the greatest family situation and my mother can be a total terror, I too have had my share of misgivings about the idea of someday sending her to a home, if things would deteriorate. But then I have to remember, when grandma was very sick, even my mom was preparing to send her to a home after she tried to care for her at home. Grandma must have had alzheimers on top of physical health problems. She needed real medical people around her. It helps me to remember that. And - there is a nursing home in the central part of our state, where my mom's family came from, that is really nice. Many of my great aunts, uncle, and other relatives have gone there - and they're actually happy in their little community with others who are like themselves. Not all are bad places. It might be hard to find one you like - but they're out there, I believe.

Wishing you some needed relief.

KellieJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 382
   Posted 7/20/2010 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies and had our meeting today, she is being transferred to a sub-acute wing of the rehab hospital.

I started to feel better last night not so stress. We left her in her wheelchair in her room while we can down the hall to get a pop later that night.

We come back in and she managed to transfer herself from her wheelchair to her bed, only problems being half of her body was in bed the other half, her legs resting on top of the wheelchair seat. She remember to turn off her alarm but forgot she had a catheter in attached to the wheel chair.

It wasn't good that she transferred herself but it was funny the position she got into. When we walked in she was kicked back, like she meant to do that. My dh was upset and told her she wasn't to do that, I'm back in the corner laughing, I thought to myself well atleast she is getting her spunk back.

crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/20/2010 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Kellie, I'm glad that you are feeling better and that your stress level is down.

I have visions of your MIL propped up on both on her bed and wheelchair. She seems
determined! Get all the rest you can right now! Take Care.

hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/20/2010 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly Jo,
 
I do understand what you are going through.  But like Sherrine stated, sometimes we just can't take care of our parents and they do have to go to a facility.  But you can go and visit her all the time and they have activities that she can participate in.  So if and when the time comes, don't feel guilty if you have to put her somewhere.  Don't feel that you failed because you will be doing what is best for her too.  I had to put my grandmother into a nursing home and it broke my heart, but I knew that me trying to take care of her wasn't in her best interest or mine.  She ended up with a wonderful roomate and a lot of friends.  So that made me happy.  I visited her all the time and watched for certain things that might not have been right, but they took very good care of her. 
 
Keep in mind what is in her best interest, if it is too much for you to do, that isn't in her best interest or yours.  And remember, it is okay.  You haven't failed her.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


MinnyMouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 7/21/2010 2:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Sherrine, thank you for your comments...
Kelliejo....My MIL almost killed herself taking care of my FIL. There comes a time when you have to let it go and you have to focus on your own health. You don't need to take total responsibilities for your MIL's healthcare needs. I know these are really hard decisions, however, I would hate your next post to us be that you are suffering needlessly, God knows we all have our own issues on a daily, sometimes minute to minute basis. Her illnesses should not be yours. She needs to be able to function on her own before coming to you. If not, she should be where caregivers can work with her. You can make sure you are there to support, but you don't need this on a daily basis.

Take care of YOU or both of you will be suffering.
Diagnosis:  Fibremyalgia, Chronic Myofacial Pain, Degenerative Disc Disease, Degenerative Joint Disease, Connective Tissue Disease, Lupus, Osteoarthritis, Anemia, Issues caused by being severely double jointed. Vitamine D Difficency.
  
Meds:  Vicadin, Meloxicam,Omepraxole(high dose previced) Vitamin D 50K , Ambian, Savella,Lyrica, Tramadol, Cyclobenzopine, Voltaren Gel, and Pennsaid Drops.
 
 
 


Libby08
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 434
   Posted 7/21/2010 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Glad to hear your stress level is down a bit.  My hubby's Grandmother lives with my Mother in law and Father in law.  They have a home health aide who comes in a few times a week.  It has helped my MIL a great deal.  Praying for you about all this.  It's got to be frustrating.  Keep us posted.

TheChickenPrincess
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/21/2010 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
MinnyMouse said...
Sherrine, thank you for your comments...
Kelliejo....My MIL almost killed herself taking care of my FIL. There comes a time when you have to let it go and you have to focus on your own health. You don't need to take total responsibilities for your MIL's healthcare needs. I know these are really hard decisions, however, I would hate your next post to us be that you are suffering needlessly, God knows we all have our own issues on a daily, sometimes minute to minute basis. Her illnesses should not be yours. She needs to be able to function on her own before coming to you. If not, she should be where caregivers can work with her. You can make sure you are there to support, but you don't need this on a daily basis.

Take care of YOU or both of you will be suffering.


Great points, MinnyMouse. I'd like to tattoo that on the back of my hand so I remember it, too.

Acheybody
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5929
   Posted 7/21/2010 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I had to eventually put both my parents in nursing homes....and it really did break my heart. But there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I hope you find some peace, Kellie, whatever you decide to do.
Achey
This too shall pass...   
 
 
.......fibromyalgia, hearing loss, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting (back), arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraines, tachycardia, cancer surgeries (face).......I take Nortriptyline & Clonopin daily, and Darvocet as needed
    
 

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