a bit of a crisis and a lot of drama

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Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 7/28/2010 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Our daughter and her baby moved in with us today.  Much drama in her marriage, it is very ugly.  Hubby and I are struggling ourselves and working on our own relationship.  So this will be a strain.  I hope that we can help while staying sane and while I maintain my health as best as I can.
 
As usual the fibro is unpredictable - or maybe predictable - can't tell.  Today (before her having to move home, but during big drama), I was suddenly barely able to walk.  Hubby was walking me to my car after lunch and I was holding onto his arm.  When he let go to go get something from his car, I almost did not make it the next 10 steps to my own car.  Also, I have been sick with a virus.  Yesterday I ate french fries.  Hadn't eaten for almost 2 days.  It was exhausting to move my jaw to chew. 
 
Stress and fibro will do that to you. 
 
Sue

MinnyMouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 7/29/2010 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. All you can do is be supportive to your daughter and make sure she respects your home. You have given her a roof over her head but you are not her sitter, maid, husband or anything but her mom.
Your job is to take care of you.

I truely hope she understands your limitations and respects your position.

We do what we have to do as parents...

Take care and I will say a prayer now for you and your family.
Diagnosis:  Fibremyalgia, Chronic Myofacial Pain, Degenerative Disc Disease, Degenerative Joint Disease, Connective Tissue Disease, Lupus, Osteoarthritis, Anemia, Issues caused by being severely double jointed. Vitamine D Difficency.
  
Meds:  Vicadin, Meloxicam,Omepraxole(high dose previced) Vitamin D 50K , Ambian, Savella,Lyrica, Tramadol, Cyclobenzopine, Voltaren Gel, and Pennsaid Drops.
 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy paths acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5,6

 
 
 


crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/29/2010 6:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue, I'm sorry that you have all this added stress. We all know that stress adds
more pain. Make some ground rulles for her right off. She should help you when-
ever possible and hopefully you won't become full time maid and baby sitter.

Change is always hard, but maybe you can turn this to your benefit if your daughter
is willing to help out. Wishing you the best. Hope you feel better soon!

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements
 
 


EML
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 202
   Posted 7/29/2010 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Sending you hugs and many prayers Sue for both you and your family.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Fibro Acid Reflux Bicuspid Aortic Valve Disease



meds:

aleve flexeril as needed ambien to help sleep

vitamin d and iron



prevacid





__________________________________________________



Don't think about what you used to be able to do............
Think about you DID do today !


TheChickenPrincess
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/29/2010 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue I'm so sorry about all this being so hard. You mentioned that you've also been hit with some virus or bug - and that you haven't eaten for 2 days - please don't underestimate what this has done to your current physical (and mental) status. Speaking as someone just hit by being sick - it REALLY ups the ante on how bad we feel. And, when we're sick and not eating, we can't get the nutrients to support our normal bodily functions - making us that much sicker. They found I'm only slightly low on potassium - but it has been causing me all sorts of muscle problems, twitches etc. So please make sure you focus on bringing your health back to good against whatever has attacked you. It has to make dealing with all the other issues just so much harder right now.

Take good care of yourself, please.

sotiredoffibro
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 7/29/2010 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Sue Im so sorry you are going through all this. A couple weeks ago my son and his girlfriend got in a fight and him and his son came here to stay. It was really hard for me, most of the time my son was sleeping, or playing on computer so it was basically up to me to take care of grandson. I have realized that I can no longer be a mother to a 2 year old. I was exhausted by the time him and his girlfriend made up. I just pray for you that your daughter helps out alot more than my son did. And hopefully this is not a permanent situation for you. Your in my Prayers
Gentle Hugs
Shirley
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)


Acheybody
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5929
   Posted 7/29/2010 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Mine too, Sue....easier said than done, but try to put yourself first, at least some of the time. It's taken me over 50 years to realize that I'm not a never-ending source of understanding, or helpfulness, or whatever someone else needs. I am a given, I also have needs that I can't make go away! That's just the way it is.

Achey
This too shall pass...   
 
 
.......fibromyalgia, hearing loss, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting (back), arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraines, tachycardia, cancer surgeries (face).......I take Nortriptyline & Clonopin daily, and Darvocet as needed
    
 


just_grace
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 62
   Posted 7/29/2010 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
My daughter moved in with us about 4 years ago, stayed for a year and a half, prior to my being dx'd.  It was a really rough time on me physically because she did not help around the house and balked at the rules my husband and I set.  Granted she was 18 and pregnant at the time, very ill during the pregnancy.... but when I said I didn't feel good and couldn't physically do everything around the house myself while working ft too, I got ignored.  Thankfully she's matured and now has her own place and understands my limits.
 
I really believe it made my undx'd fibro even worse. 
 
Set down ground rules with your daughter and make sure she understands they are not negotiable.  You don't want and shouldn't be her maid, caretaker, etc.  You've given her a gift of a safe home for her to stay in during this stressful time, make sure she understands what YOU need to keep it a safe place for yourself.

Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 7/29/2010 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for all of theprayers, support and helpful advice. It is good that I am going back to work in a few days. That will give me a place to get away. It all happened very suddenly - the drama has been going on for months, and we thought she might need to move in, but the actual decision to move in was very sudden. Hubby and I have a meeting tomorrow and are going out of town for the weekend, so we have set an appointment to set rules, etc. when we get back. Our other daughter and son in law lived here for a year, so we learned some things that we will implement.

I am better from the virus, so will be cleaning house, finishing laundry and getting groceries today. (slowly, though).
Sue

MsBunky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 7/29/2010 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue, it's good that you were able to take your daughter in, and I'm glad to hear you will be setting up rules, etc. for her to follow. Just make sure you do take time for yourself, to rest or whatever. Your health is what you need to focus on and I hope your daughter will be some help to you in that. Make sure you don't overdo it at work either...you don't want to suddenly be bedridden because your body crashed at all you were asking from it.

Big hugs...we've been in the position of having one of our adult kids move in for a few months. It worked out for us because of the rules, and things are great now for our son, but yes...it can be stressful, even when things are going well.

Take care of yourself,

Pam
Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain (with permanent muscle damage), Femoroacetabular Impingement (CAM and Pincer), Reynauds, IBS, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (both Surgical Menopause and medication related), plus physically unable to vomit due to the Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins with a lot of scar tissue...a joy when it comes to having to give blood or get an IV started

Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT

Medications: Oxycontin, Cesamet, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Flexeril and Clonidine plus Laxaday, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin daily


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 7/29/2010 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   
this is so hard! I cleaned up the house today and bought groceries. Then was too tired to put the groceries away. Went shopping without a list - and that was bad because stuff kept piling up in my head and then falling out. I had to zig zag back and forth all over the store and was beat by the time I was finished.

Other dd and sil came over and first dd came home with baby and baby cried and cried and cried and no one could soothe her. Had to drive dd somewhere. Picked up burgers. Now house is a mess again and groceries are all over the table. And hubby is grumpy and I am exhausted and tomorrow is my last day off. We are going on a short teeny trip Saturday and Sunday and maybe I start work on Monday. But not sure because I do not have the confirmation yet.

I definitely cannot keep this up. I had to rearrange so she has room for her things and she has to unpack and there is some trouble with her transportation for awhile. Hopefully that will get all settled and things will calm down.
Sue

Mrsppmrxky
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 380
   Posted 7/30/2010 4:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue, so sorry for all of the troubles you and your family are having! When I am deeply stressed, I tend to get where walking is difficult for my balance, but the absolute tiredness in the jaw is very hard to go through. My dd 2 also has this issue when she gets tired. We usually make a joke about it and say that we need to go to Piccadilly Cafeteria .......(that is a local place that a lot of the retired people go to and the food is usually really soft.) We usually say something like, "I am so tired, why don't we go to Piccadilly ....we can just swallow."

I have noticed a lot during the last year that it has progressed to I can not swallow bread at all without getting choked during that time of being exhausted and the jaw not working, so be careful, you could start choking on food.

I often have to put the groceries in the floor and leave them until after a nap. I do stick the cold items away and leave the rest. (It is horrible to have to leave things all over, but I do have to see after my husband, so I drop what I can here and there.)

I pray that your DD realizes that you can not take care of the baby while she gets her life back together. During this time, try to take breaks as often as you can to recharge and then get back up to your 'chores' again. Stress is our worst enemy I think!

(((Sue)))

damouthy1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 663
   Posted 7/30/2010 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sue, I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. It is tough enough with the medical problems we have to make our own relationships work, let alone adding more stress to the mix. I hope everything calms down for you and that you start feeling better! Take care.
Gentle Hugs,
Shannon
 
Fibromyalgia, Chronic daily headaches, Migraine disorder (with and without aura), Graves Disease, GERD, High blood pressure, Depression and Anxiety
Oxycontin, Lopressor, Lexapro, Omeprazole, Valium as needed, Promethazine as needed for nausea from migraines


sotiredoffibro
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 7/30/2010 7:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue, just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know what it is like to love our children and grandchildren so much that we want to keep them safe but I also know how hard it is for us to do that. vent when you need too we will be here to listen and support you.
Gentle Hugs
Shirley
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)


Acheybody
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5929
   Posted 7/30/2010 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Remember that line from "Steel Magnolias," where Daryl Hannah is talking about Shelby, who died, and she says, "I think her poor little body just wouldn't let her take care of everybody the way she wanted to, so she went up to Heaven - - -" it's SO HARD to see what you want to do and not be able to do it!!! Will be praying that you can rest.
This too shall pass...   
 
 
.......fibromyalgia, hearing loss, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting (back), arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraines, tachycardia, cancer surgeries (face).......I take Nortriptyline & Clonopin daily, and Darvocet as needed
    
 

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