Who me??? I'm fine!!!

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Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 704
   Posted 8/12/2010 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I know I am not the only one that is often in the middle of a flare or just a "bad" time and someone will come up and say "How are you doing?"... People I know are trying to be nice or care, but it is usually so much easier to just say I'm fine, or I'm ok. I feel like people get tired of hearing about my aches and pains, so just saying I'm fine is easier, or sometimes I will just say...I've had better days...and keep it moving.
Anyone else feel like this?
Taking it one day at a time.... 

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 8/12/2010 1:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Depends on who is asking. :) With some people, I say I'm fine because I know they don't really want to know. With my true friends, I tell the truth because I know they really care, and really want to know. But yes, I know what you mean. Sometimes it does take too much energy to get into.
Fibromyalgia, High BP, Migraines, anxiety, Non Celiac Gluten Intolerant
Current medications: Topamax, Maxalt, Lotrel, Wellbutrin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/12/2010 1:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hopegirl, I answer pretty much the way you do. If Ineed to turn down an invitation
when I'm flaring...I say, today isn't a good day, but thanks for asking.

Sometimes I think it takes too much effort to try to explain what we're feeling when
a person wouldn't understand unless they actually felt what we feel.

I try to look at it like...everyone is dealing with something. Everyone should be nice
to eachother.

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 8/12/2010 1:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Same here, it depends on who is asking. Many people use that phrase in the same way they use "Good Morning," so I just usually say "fine." If it is someone I know is actually concerned, I still just give them an abbreviated version. My DH and DD are the only ones who really know how I feel.

Similar subject: I have a friend who, when asked to volunteer, attend a function, etc. will use the phrase, "I'm unable to do that right now. I have some health issues that prevent me from participating, but I won't bore you with the details." It effectively gets the message across without violating her privacy or turning into an apology.

Hugs - Austen

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40405
   Posted 8/12/2010 2:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I always say I am doing great too, because I don't want to talk about it to people. It is easier that way. So I totally understand what you are saying. I only really talk about it to people who have it or my doctor. They do understand.

I also fine when I say that, I do feel better. It is better than dwelling on it. What good does that do?

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/12/2010 2:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, I hear you. There are just a lot of people that, "I'm fine" is the only response that will work.

I tend to only get heartaches when I try to explain to my family - they'll twist it around somehow and tell me it is all in my head. So I just don't say anything if I can possibly help it. Like this morning, I had to have my brother drive me to the doctor and on the way back he told me I get migraines because I worry too much. My thoughts about him: "Umm, yeah, love that medical degree hanging on your wall - oh wait, that isn't a medical degree, it's that document that proves you're a real, live moron - nevermind!" (Same guy who told me my mother was hospitalized for almost a week for nothing - idiot! Makes me want to go spit on his toothbrush ... he can learn what this virus feels like!)

*ahem* sorry for the rant.

I only tell my b/f, two online friends, you all and my other forum. Other people don't get it.
Why my username? It is real life nickname. I love chickens. Will have my flock of hens one day! :D .............. DX'd with Fibromyalgia, chronic hives, sensitivities and allergies, migraines with auras, tmj, and IBS. Not sure what else!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5927
   Posted 8/12/2010 3:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I think I've tended to talk about it more than I should. Like everyone's said, people usually don't want to hear or they can't comprehend it anyway.

But part of me feels that if we never talk about it, people will remain ignorant, and things will never get better. Guess that's the teacher in me. I'll never forget how it was when my dad had Lou Gehrig's disease. Even his "care"-givers in the nursing home (I'm not bitter or anything, no!) didn't really seem to want to know how to help him, they just wanted to make him as docile as possible so their lives would be easier.

But I am tired of the weird looks I get when I try to explain. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to pursue it.

...fibromyalgia, hearing loss, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting (back), arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraines, tachycardia, cancer surgeries (face).......I take Nortriptyline & Clonopin daily, and Darvocet as needed

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1286
   Posted 8/12/2010 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
My favorite is "I'm wwoonnderful"  that could mean good or not so good.  People can usually see it on the (our faces) face when we are in pain.  I don't bother telling hubby, my mom, and my best friend what hurts and when because
1)don't want to worry mom
2)hubby then tells me his pains
3) my friend's answer is to take ibuprophin, tylenol or aleve which I rarely take.
It is in my signature that I had hepatitis C.  I have been clear for 2.5 years now.  Some docs call it remission but the truth is that it does not come back (after that long) unless one is reinfected.  I will always carry antibodies but not the live virus................ANYWAYS.....
I tried to explain the things that would more than likely happen to me when I treated to prepare him and his response was;;;;;Oh you are just talking yourself into being sick nothing will probably happen.  WRONGO
I did interferon and ribavirion for 6 months and it about killed me and my case wasn't really loaded with complications
Denise from Pittsburgh, Pa
 ***diagnosis: high blood pressure, gastritis, fibromyalgia, hepatitis (SVR/cleared),  disc problems in neck, depression, anxiety & stress, cervical headaches, porphyria-PCT, IBS
 ***meds: metroplol 25mg, zoloft 150mg, gabapentin 300mg 3x a day zocor , (soma, fioronal, tramadol, as needed).
 ***other supps: calcium, vit D 2,000-4,000 per, milk thistle, vit C &E, acidopholos (sp?),  
CO-Q 10,  flax or fish oil, ginsing, magnesium, B complex,

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 387
   Posted 8/12/2010 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
When someone asks me, I just say that I am fine. What I want to say is "Would you like to take the kids for an hr while I nap or rest and by the way, could you give me a nice massage on my shoulders. They hurt like h**l. Just my 2 cents.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17059
   Posted 8/12/2010 4:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I always say, "Fine, thank you."  There really isn't a point of trying to explain to them because they don't understand anyway and then you get their 2 cents worth...and that's just about WHAT it's worth!  mad
Chick, why don't you print out some things off Fibro 101 and give to your naysayer brother.  I know that has to be hard because he's family.  I especially like the link to Doctors Respond To New York Times Article.  The article basically was saying that fibro is all in your head and these doctors wrote back and set them straight!  These doctors study this illness and are trying to figure it out.  So, that might get your brother to at least keep quiet.  Others that are having this problem should do this too.
Forum Moderator /Fibromyalgia>

God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1371
   Posted 8/12/2010 6:30 PM (GMT -6)   
For most ppl, I say 'Fine, thank you and how are you?' It gets them off of me and lets them vent for a bit. If my DM asks I just tell her a little tired, she doesn't need to hear 'how' I feel. She has so much more going on than I do. If my DH will ask, I give him a brief run down, he has a lot of health issues, too! If I share, I generally leave it at 'tired'. I skip the part of the pain, burning, swelling, numbness, headache, limping, balance issues, and let's not forget the fog, etc. Who else by another fibromite would really understand what is going on?
God bless.  Alice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 8/12/2010 7:16 PM (GMT -6)   
my favorite response is "Hanging In There" Thats about all I have to say. I feel like the rest of you most of the time they dont really want to know anyways.
Gentle Hugs
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 8/13/2010 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I hear ya too.... I am a pastors wife, so on Sundays I get bombarded with a bunch of "How are you"s?" Some of them know what I have been struggling with, so they sincerely want to know, but most of them are just trying to make small talk, so I usually just say "fine" or "hanging in there". Sometimes I say "I"m doing good" without thinking about the pain, because i base it on my mood. If I am aching but not feeling horrible, I don't think i always need to base my response on pain, because I can still be feeling happy or joyful. I don't want the pain to be all that I talk about, or for it to define me. Although, I do wish more people would be able to understand what I am going through. my 5 and 6 year old are about to start school and I plan on volunteering in their class once a week, or every other week.... however, last year, it just about killed me every time, so I plan on asking if I can do something more laid back, like reading to them, as opposed to an art project every week (I never really enjoyed that anyway). But, I get nervous about asking for special accomdations like that. I wonder if people think I should just buckle up and deal with it.

anyway, I was getting off topic. The only good thing is that my mom has fibromyalgia and my husband probably does too (I say probably because he did get the tender point test and has 14/18, but his doctor still won't diagnose him) So at least I have two close family members who understand me. My husband and I compare pains every so often- it makes me feel like and old couple- lol. :)

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