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Gyspyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/27/2010 12:37 PM (GMT -7)   
hi everyone.
 
typing is hard right now so please forgive my brevity. 
 
i love the site.  have just begun to wander around. lots
of stuff here makes me wanna cry.  i've fought by myself
for ten years and the Lone Soldier road is a long, hard one.
 
i have family, but the everydayness of my
physical pain/discomfort tests us all.  honestly,
no one wants to hear "i feel like crap," a thousand
times a day, no matter how much they love you. 
hell, even *i'm* sick of hearing it and i'm the one
*saying* it. 
 
funny thing is: soon as you *stop* saying it,
everyone assumes you're now "okay hunky-dory fine."  that
way when you can't hold back, when you *do* finally
say, "god, i feel like crap . . . " everyone's response is
"well you were okay yesterday . . . . "
 
aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!  no i was *not,* i just didn't *say*
it.
 
sigh.
 
anyone else experience this?  how about that "in a glass
box" feeling?  as if you are somehow separated from
everyone else (everyone else *healthy,* I guess I mean,
though i still have a problem considering myself sick).
 
anyway, this post is longer than anticipated.
 
thank you for helping me feel not so alone.  hands are
aching. owie.
 
must walk and stretch.  *again.* 
 
(poor me . . . wait, i think i hear a violin . . . . )
 
look forward to knowing you all.
 
peace and smiles all around,
 
gypsyblue
 
 

saintsfan
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 8/27/2010 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome to the forum! There are so many wonderful people here and we know exactly how u feel. I was the same way(crying with relief) when I found this forum too. It's such a weight off my shoulders to know I'm not alone. Sending you a gentle hug and a great big welcome!!
Dx: Fibro, HTN, Depression, IBS, Lupus like symptoms

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and He saves those whose spirits have been crushed" Psalm 34:18

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 8/27/2010 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gypsyblue,
 
I like your name.  Welcome to the HealingWell Fibromyalgia forum.  I am so glad that you have joined in with us. 
 
It is hard facing pain everyday.  I hope that you get some sort of pain management so that you aren't suffering so much every day.  I have pain, but not enough to stop me from doing what I want to do.  It is at a tolerable level.  I have had it this way for a long time, which makes me happy.  Oh it would be nice to be pain free.  But I haven't seen a day like that since before fibro. 
 
Are you taking anything for your pain?  There is a thread called fibro101.  It is the first thread on the forum.  In there it tells about a supplement called malic acid.  It does help.  You find that kind that has magnesium in it and start out really slow.  But it does help with pain and fatigue.  And it makes your muscles feel better.  There is a lot of information in fibro101.  So if you get a chance, do look over the thread.  There are a lot of answers to a lot of questions that you may be having right about now.  There is so much involved in fibromyalgia.  The mysterious disorder. 
 
I hope that you stick around and keep posting.  We are having a virtual party at Sherrine's house.  Sherrine is one of our wonderful moderators.  I feel dumb saying wonderful mods as I am one myself.  So that came out wrong.  She is a wonderful moderator.  That is what I wanted to say.  But we are having a virtual party at her house.  There is no pain involved.  And it is a lot of fun.  Please do join in.
 
Hugs, Karen
 
 
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

puppylover
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 821
   Posted 8/27/2010 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Gypsyblue. I know exactly how you feel. This forum has helped me so much. I take the malic acid and for me it really works. I was just thinking today about how bad I use to be. Don't get me wrong I have bad days but I am coping so much better. Looking forward to hearing from you often!

Puppylover




On the eighth day God created Golden Retrievers.

Gyspyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/27/2010 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the welcome and the hug, sf!  mucho appreciation here.  yeah
 
(love the emoticons -- wanna click on em all)
 
thank you also, karen, our wonderful moderator (just calls em likes you sees em!  you seem wonderful to me, case you're wondering).  smilewinkgrin
 
i am not taking pain meds.  my stomach cannot handle otc's (can take 2 or 3 doses of tylenol or ibuprof. before i get this horrible grinding sensation that will lead to a horrible stabbing sensation that can last for days, so i won't eat and everything will get *worse*).
 
i am ashamed to say i have no diagnosis but mine own -- but i've taken months and months and years of searching and seeking and experimenting and hoping and trying this or that herb to come to my conclusions, right or wrong.
 
i'm still now trying to distinguish between perimenopause (i'm 48 now) and the fibro symptoms -- because they are similar and all connected.  or so it seems. 
 
truth?   
 
i refused to believe i had *anything* other than hormone problems.  i have not even been to doctor yet.  have not been to one in fifteen years.  hate and fear them intensely.  my daughter had numerous med problems, so i've met and worked with or fought with MANY docs/med profs.  my special needs daughter grew up and when she left home my body just . . . collapsed. more or less. 
 
(my son had left home one year before her)
 
i never thought i'd be one of the "sick ones."  i was so healthy.  i thought so anyway.  but i wasn't.  and i never *looked* sick either -- except on the days when i was really, *really* bad off . . . but i excused those, cuz EVERYONE has "bad days," right? 
 
anyway, i thought i could "fix" what was happening to me.  better diet, herbs, meditation, yoga-stretching and lots and lots of raging-against-the-machine, so-to-speak.  And crying.  Lots and lots of crying too.   (ow ow ow this hurts, that hurts, i'm weak, nauseaus, dizzy, faint, drifting off -- oh! i'm dying? okay!  please, Death, hurry.  i hate it here on earth). 
 
had a recent med crisis.  realized now that my life is in the crapper.  completely.  no money.  no home.  no job.  no energy.  no hope and no clear thinking to even *find* hope.  i'm now 3 grand into the ER in med bills (for an abscessed tooth no less . . . who can afford dental care?).  i couldn't take the meds given me, even though the infection was moving down my neck . . . 
 
i was surely screwed . . . but my body seems to be holding back the infection on it's own and the tooth has been removed . . . but i feel pretty awful and --
 
help help help.
 
sis says i should wear a sign around my neck:   MAKE ME ASK FOR HELP.  (like Sandra Bullock in 28 days)  lol
 
she's right tho.  so . . . here i am.  sad and ashamed and stupid and blaming myself because i just can't "get it together" no matter how hard i try. (am i just lazy? imagining things? *everyone* has pain and discomfort, don't they?  why can't i handle this?)
 
i am living with a relative for free and feel like a sponge (he is not really even a relative, he's an ex-in-law!  how's that?  my mom and sis and me were all in biz together and when the economy turned, our ship sank.  we all went down together; we've no one else to turn to, none of us; and now i'm useless as a worker/human as well -- especially financially.)
 
uh-oh.  violins again.  sorry.
 
so, ah . . . pain meds?  what are those?  i'm ten years into this and somehow only just beginning my journey now.  even my kids don't know the full extent of it. 
 
okay.  gonna post this.  even tho i'm afraid i'm gonna get b-b-qued for it.  ("what do you mean you haven't been to a doctor?!?"  "what are you doing on this forum with no diagnosis? what nerve!" etc.) 
 
please excuse me and forgive me if i'm posting here erroneously (without an official diagnosis, I mean).  but i really should wear that sign around my neck. because i do need help.  really. 
 
so i'm going to post this even tho i don't want to.  ugh.  this is WAY longer than i'd hoped.  and way more info than i'd planned.
 
peace out, dawg.
 
(sorry. always wanted to say that)  Gblue

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 8/27/2010 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gypsyblue,
 
When you go to fibro101, you will see a thread called "what else could it be?" or something like that.  It has a list of all the fibro symptoms, and believe me there are many.  That ought to give you some satisfaction. 
 
Yeah, it might be time for you to make a doctor's visit.  If you want to.  Shoot, it has been this long, why change it, eh???  Seriously, there might be some help for you out there.  But I understand not wanting to go.  I never want to go to my appointments, but I take so many meds that it isn't even funny.  Maybe if I would have never gone, I wouldn't be on all of these meds, you think?  But I am fortunate, I do have insurance.  I am sure I wouldn't be in this situation if I didn't have it. 
 
But I can sympathesize with you and your situation.  I hope that you do feel better soon and can find some relief.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17097
   Posted 8/27/2010 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, GypsyBlue, and welcome!  We have many on this forum that haven't gotten the diagnosis of fibro yet and we even have people that have other illnesses that hang out here.  Pain is pain.  It doesn't need a special name.
 
BUT, yes, I do think you should see a doctor.  There is help out there for you.  You definitely are not alone with the financial difficulties but any ER will take you.  You see, the symptoms of fibro are very similar to the symptoms of other illnesses that can be treated.  Lovely Karen mentioned Fibro 101.  It's the first thread on the forum.  In there is a link called What Else Could It Be and that might be an eye-opener for you.  This is why you really should try to be diagnosed. 
 
Your depression is playing into your pain, too.  It's hard when your children leave.  They are our whole life for so many years and all of a sudden they are gone.  This has happened to me, too.  But, we have done a great job in raising them because they are capable adults now and can be independent!  That's what we want.  We love them and they love us, too. 
 
The pain can cause depression, too, but don't let it eat you alive!  We do have a great depression forum on HealingWell, also.  You might want to visit there, too.  Karen is a mod there so you will know someone.
 
The malic acid/magnesium supplements that Karen mentioned have helped me and others with the pain and fatigue.  Malic acid is found in apples but you'd have to eat a bushel to get what the supplements have.  I also take vitamin D3.  That, too, helps with pain and fatigue.
 
I'm glad to see that you know to keep moving and stretching!  That helps, too, along with hot showers. 
 
A good sense of humor and a positive outlook helps, also.  I know these are really tough times right now.  I'm having a rough time also but I have faith...faith in the future.  I've had a lot of problems in my life that pulled me down but I've always ended up on top!  I just take one day at a time and make the most of it.  I don't mention my pain because, as you said, no one wants to hear.  I just deal with it the best I can and enjoy my life.  I love walking around the neighborhood and looking at all the beauty around me.  That always gives me a lift and it help with my pain.  
 
Don't put yourself down, either.  You didn't ask for the situation  you are in and, trust me, you are not alone.  Millions are in the same boat and, yes, a lot of these people suffer with illnesses, too.  Just because they don't look sick doesn't mean they aren't. You know that too...first hand!  That's one of the problems with fibro.   We look just fine but our bodies are screaming at us!  You have a lot to offer this world.  We all do.  open your eyes to the good things in your life and you will feel better!  
 
If you decide to be checked out, on Fibro 101 there are links to a pain journal and also a couple of links that help you describe your pain accurately.  You can print these out and keep a record of how you feel and what you are doing when  you feel this way.  Then, take the journal with you if you see a doctor.  That will help them a lot to understand what you are going through. 
 
Other people that don't have funds are getting help and so should you!  There is help available to  you and I sure hope you use it.  I hate seeing you so unhappy, angry and in so much pain. 
 
We are having a virtual party at my house right now.  The thread is called "It's Party Time!!!"  Just reading that should give you a few chuckles and please join us.  At my parties you have no pain, no illness, and can do anything you want!  Wish we could live like that!  
 
I'm so glad you found us and joined in.  Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you.  Hope to hear more from you soon.
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/Fibromyalgia
************************
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Gyspyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/27/2010 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks, sherrine, you are too sweet.

(also, thank you for the welcome, puppylover -- love the puppy name, btw!)

i've read some of the fibro101 stuff (at least, i think i have . . ? not sure where i've seen what here, but i've found some great stuff, including a doc's name; rheumatologist just a few miles from me from your list).

i will go read some more of your "what else it could be" section (though, I swear to god, i have been up and down the internet to see "what else" IT "could be" with me).

depressed? no doubt. not always, but sometimes just sit and sob depressed. (also, am normally very upbeat, positive and spiritually sound - though maybe not so much *mentally*! lol)

i can't help think: who *wouldn't* be depressed by every day pain and fatigue? mostly, i fight -- and win -- through both. of course, the "win" is temporary (what *isn't* temporary in this world?).

oh . . . wait. the pain doesn't seem "temporary," does it? it's always around. in fact, i even named it in the hopes that i would stop hating it because maybe i could "kill" it with love. doesn't work. but the name was good (bobo the wonder illness -- picture a great big grayish-pink blob, dripping with pus and mucus, with mean little red eyes, and a gaping, sucking hole at the end of his extra long "trunk" -- all the better to suck the joy and goodness out of your life).

ugh. bobo. i try not to think about him -- but he sure thinks about *me* cuz he's always around.

anyway, i thank you all so sincerely for your help and suggestions. i'm feeling overwhelmed right now so i hope you'll excuse me if you've tossed out a question and i haven't answered or acknowledged it.

thank you all for being sick with me. (not sure that sounds right, but the intention is wholesome and pure, swear it!)

will try to join party in a bit. gotta rest the ol digits (carpal tunnel - undiagnosed from WAY back).

happy friday to all, can't wait to get to know my way around -- and everyone here!

hugs and thanks for the kindness,
gypsy

ps you are all beautiful to me!!!

TheChickenPrincess
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/27/2010 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, GypsyBlue! I'm glad you made a topic so that you get to meet the others. They're pretty cool, eh?

cool (I really want a chicken emoticon)

Now please do not insult yourself about your situation. There are plenty of people in the world who will insult us, and we shouldn't be one of them! Don't need it. Makes everything worse.

You have value.

You have good intentions.

You're human.

You're alive.

Sounds like you're just like the rest of us. So what's there to pick on?

Like you, I got stuck living with relatives. In my case, it is pretty dreadful - my elderly mother and two siblings (who are old enough to be my parents.) It is quite abusive and it isn't healthy for me to be here. But guess what? Sometimes the choices we have to make aren't that much fun. But we make 'em and we try to make life better. It takes time. But we can do it. Why do you think I post those postive stories every day? I am hoping to change the world, one post at a time. :) I need it to keep my mind straight.

So you are most welcome here. I am happy to know you and I think you're gonna fit in just swell. We're a diverse group and we could use one of you. turn

*hugs*

crazykitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/27/2010 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Sending a big gentle hug, gypsyblue. I'm so sorry for your pain. We all understand
the frustration of pain and fatigue. Taking one day at a time helps me. I try to focus
on all my blessings and find things to do to distract the pain. It does get easier to
live with because you will learn what works for you.

I'm glad you joined the family. There is a wonderful group of supportive, caring
people here. We are here for one another!

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements
 
 

sotiredoffibro
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 8/27/2010 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gypsyblue welcome to our fibro family, I know how badly fibro can hurt I have been there many times and I also understand that life at times just stinks. The thing is it doesnt always stay that way, I think we have all felt at times like throwing in the towel and saying I quit. but then somewhere along the way it gets a little better or the pain gets a little less and we deal with it. Life is full of ups and downs but that is what makes it so interesting. You never know what the next day might bring so you have to hang around to see what it has in store for you.
For me though I try to never say why me? I always say why not me? There is always going to be someone out there that you can look at and say that poor person has it worse than I do. So hang in there my friend and always feel free to vent, ask questions or if you can offer advice. We will be here for you.
Gentle Hugs
Shirley
.
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

Gyspyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/27/2010 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chick (again!).
i love your motivational posts (guess i've already said that, huh?). i'm sorry for your living situation too. :-(
soon as i get my ranch/farm -- including chickens -- i will invite you for a long stay. you can herd our chickens. they will only be LAYING hens. Rule 1 at Gypsy Ranch: no eating family, no matter *how* good they taste with bbq sauce!
[grin] do you like ducks? cuz i like them too. they are so funny and filled with personality. (hope you like lots of critters, cuz i wanna get an abundance - you can drag yourself around with me and help feed everyone, k?)

Hi Robin, you can come to my ranch too! I can't wait to get to know you better too. i gotta sign back out and stretch my aching hands now.

Thank you all for stopping by to welcome me. i feel honored and blessed.

smiles all around and have a great night!

gypsyblue

ps don't know when or how i'll be getting that ranch, but i'll find a way . . . .

GSDgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1286
   Posted 8/28/2010 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gypsyblue!! I do believe we are all a bunch of animal overs around here (LOL) including me. So sorry for your situation but your attitude is so very positive and your writing style is awsome. Welcome to the family
Denise from Pittsburgh, Pa
 ***diagnosis: high blood pressure, gastritis, fibromyalgia, hepatitis (SVR/cleared),  disc problems in neck, depression, anxiety & stress, cervical headaches, porphyria-PCT, IBS
 ***meds: metroplol 25mg, zoloft 150mg, gabapentin 300mg 3x a day zocor , (soma, fioronal, tramadol, as needed).
 ***other supps: calcium, vit D 2,000-4,000 per, milk thistle, vit C &E, acidopholos (sp?),  
CO-Q 10,  flax or fish oil, ginsing, magnesium, B complex,
 

javamommy77
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 8/28/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi gypsy today after my 8 millionth trump at the hospital i honestly said i hope i die. yes i said it. You're not alone. No one in this town seems to get fibro and it's sooo frustrating. I'm not diagnosed either and the dr i'm seeing keeps piling on anti depressent on anti depressent to give me more menergy! umm I'm still in pain and have no appetite.

I so get the whole but you were fine yesterday because my mom just did that to me on the phone! She's like well you sound better then you did earlier. (as i'm telling her last night's storm almost made our roof fall in) I'm like yeah mom because I'm not saying I want to be dead?

Welcome! I'm pretty new here!everyone is so nice and helpful
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