Is there anyone else havein trouble with Relationship Problems?

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I'm A Survivor
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/13/2008 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone I am a 23 yrs. old female. I was diagnosed with Autoimmune liver failure and Chronic Kidney Disease. I was in a great relationship in the beginning of 06, then in November of 06 I was hospitalized and my boyfriend cheated on me saying he could not handle me being in the hospital and waiting for a liver transplant. at the time it did not bother me because my health was important. Now I don't date b/c I can not trust any guys and when I do tell them that is usually the last time I hear from them. So am I the only person that has this problem?

Butterflythree
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted 1/13/2008 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I'm A Survivor, I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and say that I am so sorry for the things you are going through. I am sorry that I can't help with your question. My husband and I have been together for 27 years, so I don't have much experience with dating. Although my daughter is of dating age and most of the guys she meets seem to be selfish and self-centered. There are many people knowledge people here that are always willing to listen and give advice whenever you need it. I hope that things work out for you. You will be in my prayers.
Butterflythree
 
There is always hope!


I'm A Survivor
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/13/2008 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you butterfly for your response

frustrated_n_wv
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 469
   Posted 1/14/2008 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I am A Survivor

Welcome to the forum. I too have AIH, and although I have been in a long term relationship (married nearly 25years) it does appear that most people are ignorant about liver diseases and disorders. I have had the experience with so called friends and even medical personal's attitude change when you mention the "H" word. For me I try to understand that as a community we are ignorant regarding hepatitis, its causes, and how it can be tranmitted to others. I think that most peoples reactions are motivated by fear and not truths. It may be helpful if you find someone that you feel connected too that you educate them on your disorder. There are many educational websites that can be helpful. Also it has been very helpful for my husband to attend appointments with me so that he can ask his own questions and concerns.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Lucy

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 1/14/2008 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Im a survivor, there is no magic words that can alleviate peoples fears. frustrated_in_nw is right, ignorance is what drives most people to fear the unknown. People also thought they could "catch" cancer, parkinsons disease, ms, and other illnesses. Education is the only answer. The problem is that in general people won't get educated about ANY disease unless they have a vested interest. On the other hand you can educate yourself and become a "lay" expert. You could educate anyone that is interested by answering their questions and giving information to quell their fears.

 Shelly


ggirl
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 1/15/2008 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
:-)  Hello Im a survivor,
     Everyone is right, most people are ignorant of the disease.  When I told my mother that my husband has liver disease and probably alcoholic hepatitis and that her 12 year old grandson has NASH she about had a heart attack.  She told me to stay away from my husband and not be intimate and thought I should keep my other children away from my son. I had to go into complete detail about each of the disease's and explain that non viral hepetitis is a different strain than the others.  It's very hard to explain this to people that have not experienced it themselves or havn't had a loved one that is going through it.  Don't give up on dating or love, there is someone out there that will be compasionate, kind and truly loving for you.  All the others well it is there loss.  Take care of yourself and God Bless gina

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 1/15/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Survivor! I'm one, too! :) I survived liver cancer from hep C. I do have some recent experience with this. When I was diagnosed in '93 with hep C, I was married. My husband never expressed concern about "catching it" or anything else. When we broke up in '94 (for other reasons), I started seeing someone who had been with a long-term girlfriend to the very end of her life from cancer. He was not in the least put off by my hep C. However, 5 years ago when I had my first hip replacement from osteonecrosis, problems started. I have, to date, had both hips replaced and 2 revisions on the left. I also was diagnosed with liver cancer about 2 years ago, and last May had the entire right lobe of my liver removed. Over the past year, this b.f. was seeing less and less of me. When I found out about the cancer, which seemed like a death sentence at first, I told him I wouldn't blame him if he saw other people, and that he should not have to go through a cancer death with someone again. Of course, things started looking up physically when I got through that surgery. However, I had not been able to be very mobile or have sex in a long time (well over a year.) I was always healing from some surgery.

I developed an incisional hernia about 2 months after the liver surgery. The surgeon wanted to wait to repair it until I had fully healed. When a surgery date was finally set for Dec. 14, 2007, this b.f. broke off his relationship with me, saying he had met someone else. While this hurt, it didn't actually come as a surprise. We hadn't seen each other much over the past year, although we did talk on the phone daily (actually I did most of the talking, he wasn't very active in the conversation.) That was the end of a 13-year-relationship with someone I loved very much (still do.) However, I always said if things didn't work out with him I was done! The difference here is that I'm nearly 65. I've had a life. I've had my share of men, including 2 husbands. While I wish I had had a long-term marriage to someone, I am basically okay with being alone now. My body looks horrible now--a mass of scars. I don't really want anyone to see it "up close and personal."

In your case, you are doing the right thing in being honest. However, follow it up with information. Ignorance and fear are due to lack of knowledge. The more you know, the more you can help others to understand. With any luck, you will meet someone with integrity who will not be deterred by your disease. However, I wouldn't disclose this right away--not on the first or second date...but perhaps on the 3rd, if things are going well. Be friends first--good advice for anyone looking for a relationship.

I don't think I've lost my friend, although I did lose my lover. We still are able to talk. He came over here after Christmas and we exchanged gifts. To my surprise, he stayed for 1 1/2 hours, just chatting away. For now, that's enough for me.

Hugs,
Connie

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 1/19/2008 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm a Survivor, Connie is right.........don't tell a guy right away about the hep. Wait like she said. There is someone out there for you honey just be patient with yourself and others. In the meantime learn all you can so when you explain the disease to them you know exactly what you're talking about.

Shelly

Connie, I know that you are hurting over the breakup. After 13 years I would be too but never say never. You said "I don't really want anyone to see it "up close and personal." By the time a guy saw all your scars he would be so in love with you that those scars wouldn't matter. You are so intelligent, beautiful, kind, and thoughtful that he would probably never really notice them. It's YOU that is intimidated by them - not anyone else!!!!! They are battle scars and nothing more. Come on Connie, you are way too cool to let that stop you. I've been married 4 times but who's counting?   tongue   When things don't work out you move on that's all. Life is too short to not enjoy it. 

 Shelly


I'm A Survivor
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/19/2008 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I would like to thank everyone for the remarks but the thing is I do not have hep I hvae autoimmune that is different. but thank you

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 1/19/2008 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm A Survivor, I stand corrected. You did say in your initial post that you have autoimmune liver failure and kidney disease. However; the advice is still correct. People are scared of things they don't understand. It's just basic human nature. If you learn all you can about your diseases you can educate others. After a few dates you can approach the subject with the guy if you are interested in him that is. I guess I would gauge it on how interested he is in me first. Others will probably have better advice but I wish you well and I hope you continue to date and meet Mr Right.

 Shelly


I'm A Survivor
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/19/2008 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you shelly
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