You don't understand how much what you wrote means to me. When i read it, i actually felt like a weight was lifted from me... Today my dad is having trouble pretty much doing everything. He can't swallow anything, including his medication, so the hospice nurse is ordering patches for that. The nurse says that it will probably only be a week until it's over. The thing that concerns me the most is that my dad can't sit still. He always wants to be sitting up, like on the edge of his bed. But this means that someone must stand next to the bed and hold him up because he can't hold himself up. My mom is up all night with him and it's heartbreaking for me to watch her with him. Most of the time i feel like can't breathe and i cry pretty much constantly. Is this normal? i was prescriped zanex(sp?) by my psychiatrist .5 mg but it does nothing for me, i don't feel any effect. I think my adrenaline is too high for it to effect me. I have two sisters, THANK GOD, who i can barely look at because i hate seeing them so sad. My mom doesn't really cry, that i've seen, but she said that somehow God has given her peace and she knows that at this point living is much harder than dying. Anyway i just wanted to say that i appreciate you writing what you did and i will definately keep in contact with this forum because i don't know what else to do. I know my dad is going to heaven and when he dies he will be in no pain and peaceful but it's still overwhelmingly sad. He knows i love him, but at this point i dont think he knows who i am. I pray that the patches he is getting will calm him down and atleast just let him be able to lay down and sleep. Again thank you so much, i didn't know where else to turn.
god bless you and your family.