My daughter has been told that there isn't any hope for her dad.

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EXneedshelp
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/20/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
 
This is all new to me too. I am trying to gain some information before my 22 yrs old daughter flies to Phoenix to see her dad. Four years ago he was diagnosised with cirrhosis and he was in ICU with ascites and bleeding - he was told then that he needed to stop drinking. He has been an alcholic over 25 years, not to mention is abuse of drugs. He was in prison for 3 years and he did not drink during that period of time. However, once he was released the drinking started back up. My daughter received a call that he was in the hospital - in the past week he has been in ICU - he is starting to become confused and about all that she knows is that he is a very sick man. He has had a plueral effusion which they drained about 2500 cc's of liquid from the lining of the lungs, they were going to do liver and stomach biopsies, but have decided against that. His blood in not clotting and he is bleeding. I am trying to prepare her for what she is facing. From what I have read this does not sound good. They told her they were going to send him to a hospice center. Can anyone help me with what she is going to face once she arrives in Arizona. She leaves tomorrow and I wish I could go with her, but I can't. She is his only child, his father is 91 yrs old and he can't take care of him, his brother and he are not on speaking terms, and he wants nothing to do with him, and his other brother lives in KY. I just want to try and prepare for as much as I can because she is going to have some very tough decisions to make at such a young age. Thanks,
 
A concerend Mother

Caregiverx3<3
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 5/20/2008 12:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello concerned Mother and welcome,

I'm sorry your daughter is having to go into this and at such a young age. I don't think you can prepare her for this disease on such a short notice. Hopefully they will get him into a hospice center and she will have some support through them. Just let her go and be with him. Learn what you can Mom, because I'm sure she will be calling you a lot.

God Bless you all,
Carol
 


EXneedshelp
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/20/2008 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much, since my post I have learned that she received another call from the her grandfather and he is incoherent, is vitals are holding there own and they are concerened that she may not make it out there before the end. I pray that she does, I know that she needs this closure as she has not seen her father since she was nine. I wish I could be there to support her - thank the God Lord that my sister is still in the Phoenix area and will be with her. My daughter is a cancer survivor - so she understands terminally ill - problem is she was only 16 when she was diagnosised with AML Leukemia. Since her on battle with cancer she has difficulty with memory and recall, so the information that I get - well let's just say - I have to read between the lines. I am grateful that I have a medical background and understand all the terminology that I have been reading - problem is getting her to understand the questions she needs to ask. I need for her to write them down, so tonight I will make a list of questions for her and when I take her to the airport tomorrow I will give them to her. My sister has dealt with this too as she lost a husband to a brain tumor 8 yrs ago. We are not new to dealing with doctors etc. Its just hard for me since I am so far away and can not go with her. I am so glad that I convinced her to go now and not wait, as she initally was looking into next week to leave. May God be with her and keep her strong, this is going to be so hard on her. Thank you for your words of encouragement and support. It is greatly appreciated.

God Bless you too,

Concerned Mom

EXneedshelp
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/20/2008 2:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank You So Much Dansbrother - that really helps, she has been around and seen her friends with cancer go be with our Father. She does have her Faith and she knows that she will see him again one day. I only wish that her reunion with her father was not in this manner. However, I knew that it was just a matter of time before we received this kind of call. I will tell her everything that you said. I know that she will appreciate hearing this from someone who has gone through this. From reading your story I know that your brother has passed on. I read several stories before I joined and posted my first thread. I am so thankful that I found this site. It will bring some sense of understanding to this whole process. Thanks for the advice.

a Concerned Mom

Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 5/20/2008 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Exneedshelp, Welcome to HealingWell,

I feel for you. I worry about my daughter kind of like in the same way.
Read some of the older posts. There's a lot of good information here. If they are wanting to send him to hospice then there's probably isn't much hope. And your sister should probably go to the hospital with her the first time she see's him if he still alive when she gets there.

If he is in a coma let her know that he still can hear her even if he can not respond. So she pour her heart out to him. He probably can feel it if she touchs him also.

My husband hung on for 12 hours until his daughter got to him. They were estranged for years also.

Take care...........thoughts and prayers for both of you.
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


EXneedshelp
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/21/2008 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Pink Grandma,

Hospice called her yesterday and they were going to move him today to a Hospice center, when she told them that she was on her way out and would be arriving today, they said they would wait. So she will be able to see him and ride with him to hospice when he goes. My sister is going with her to the hospital. She doesn't want my daughter to have to face this alone. She understands my daughter - they have a special bond, so she is like her "baby" too. She knows how emotionally unstable this young woman is and knows that this is going to be very difficult for her to do. Thanks for all the words of encouragement and support. I had read many of the older posts before deciding to post something myself. Those other posts were the contributing factor for me being here today. Thanks to everyone who has posted their stories - at least she knows she is not alone. That other's have been down this same road before her.

God Bless Everyone,

Conccerned Mom

You are has strong as you have to be!

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 5/21/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Exneedshelp, I can only imagine the terror your daughter must be feeling right now and a I'm so sorry that this is what she is facing. I have to add that I am extremely proud of her for making such an effort to see her father after so many years of estrangement. This is a very mature thing she is doing right now. This will accomplish a lot more than she is aware of right now. It will most importantly be a sense of closure for her. As Pink Grandma said, the dying can hear you even if they can't respond verbally, they can feel your touch even tho they can't touch you back, and the dying want and need to know that they are not alone. As sad as the circumstances are it will help her to heal in the long run. When it is over and she returns home she will undoubtedly need you for emotional support. This will be a time in your life when you will see that she reverts back a little to the young child she once was and needs her mama to comfort her. This will be your opportunity to show her how proud you are of her and what a great thing she has done for her dad and for herself. We can't change the past but we can alter the future by whaqt we say and do today. GOD Bless.

 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


EXneedshelp
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/21/2008 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Shelly, I know in my heart that she is doing the right thing. I also know that she needs this closure. I only wish I could be there with her to hold her and support her. She knows I am only a phone call away and as I said before she has the next best thing her Aunt. She was in a coma on life support so she knows that someone who is very ill can sense the presence of another. She knew when I was in the room, I could say something and she would hear me - I knew because I would tell her to stop shaking her leg and she would. I have coached her best I could on the way to the airport. He is in God's hands now and I told her if the going got tough - then ask God for some help - because He would be there for her. I am so glad that she is getting this opportunity to see him again, he may not be able to communicate with her - but at least she will have the closure she needs to move on with her own life. Thanks again for all the advice, encouragement and the support. God Bless You Too!

CM

EXneedshelp
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 5/30/2008 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
As promised I wanted to update everyone on my ex-husbands condition. My daughter was able to spend quaility time with her dad - they were able to say the things they needed to before she left AZ last week. My sister said that she did extremely well handling all the decisions that were thrown her way. The end has finally come - he slipped into a coma on Wednesday and he died lastnight. I have talked to my daughter and she is doing really good. She has to work today - so I hope that working will help keep her mind off what is going on in AZ. She and her grandfather had already made all the arrangements with the funeral home. I want to thank everyone who gave me advice to give to her. She grew up some having to face some difficult decisions and the advice that was given on this site helped her come to terms with what she was going to be facing. She said that Dansbrother summed it up for her and put it into perspective. I can't thank you all enough for the support that you showed for a total stranger and friend. Thanks again. A concerned mom....

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 5/30/2008 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Pleasse express my deepest sympathy to your daughter. I am sure she is grateful for the time she had with him and knowing that they were able to talk things out. GOD Bless

 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 5/30/2008 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Ditto from me too. I am so sorry for her loss.
But at least she had a little time with him and got some closure. That was my biggest fear that my husband would die without some sort of closure with his daughter. For both of their sakes.

Take care........thoughts and prayers........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 6/7/2008 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Exneedshelp, I was in the hospital having surgery while you were posting, but I just wanted to say that I am glad you found us.  Also, it's very good to know that your daughter had closure and got through it okay.  Having gone through cancer, she is probably much stronger than either of you know.

Feel free to come back here at any time you need us or would like to share something.

Hugs,

Connie

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