“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
I have tried to email you personally and beats me where it is. I pertnear wrote you a book but its lost in lalaland. Anyway, I have noticed Wil, and his weight lose is of concern to me. He has been drinking boost and eating better for the past couple day's and he said he's gaining weight back but how do you know if it is weight and not swelling? He thinks mom is not observant and he can pull the wool over my eyes. He's tired all the time now, but that has to do with fiance keeping him up all night wanting to make wedding plans. He's even going threw some denial. We had a family talk over the weekend as his fiance showed her butt and threw a tempertantrum in a resturant with about 15 of our closest friends present. Very inmature on her part but, she has Wil convienced that Dr'.s say he could go on like this for another 10 yrs. Of course she's in denial as well, I'm sure! My husband and I both told them that we cannot candy coat this illness that they are both in for a bad rollercoaster ride. With 2 lesions on his right lobe he's not getting better! I want Wil to be posotive I just need him to come back to reality. Dr.'s told me by the end of 2008 Wil, will need that Liver Transplant. What do I do or say? I feel as tho she is putting a wedge between me and my son. Help! Anyone with advice please I can use it.
Huggs and Smooches
Toni, I can appreciate the frustration you must be feeling due to Will's girlfriends behavior. Brother; what a mess! Speaking as a mother I would want to pull her hair out but we both know that any waves you may cause will only create more problems between you and Will. He is an adult now and prior to the girlfriend being in the picture he only had you and your husband to rely on. Now, things have changed and he relies on her for emotional support. As parents we hate that our relationships with our kids change so quickly when someone else enters the picture!!!!!!!!! But ultimately you have to face the fact that Will is going to do what he wants when he wants with or without your approval or consent. Clinically I understand Will's defiance and his need to exert some power over his life-right or wrong he wants to be the decision maker, The bottom line is Will knows what the future holds for him. He is a bright guy and has been an active participant in his disease process and care. Denial is very common and a part of self preservation that we all have. I would guess that he wants to grab any happiness he can and have at least some normallacy to his life while he can. Opinions are like belly buttons, we all have one.... so try to take any advice we all give you in dealing with this issue with a grain of salt. What makes sense to you-keep it tucked away. What doesn't make sense toss out. If it were me in this situation I guess I would struggle to get along and speak about Will's prognosis and disease with him when he brings it up. Otherwise he will start seeing you as the enemy which will drive him further away. Try to remeber that "Circumstances alter conditions". His circumstances have changed (as he wants to marry this girl) so the conditions of your relationship with him have changed (you are no longer the main figure in his life). Once you accept this as a fact it may help you to accept his choices and decisions. We don't have to like it but we do have to accept it. My heart goes out to you as a mother but I do feel that I have to defend Will's choices. I feel that there is a kinship between us so I can be honest with you as to how I see it. I am forever your friend.
If you want to reach me by email or phone, Pink Grandma has all the info. Email or call her and I know she will give it to you.
Thank You, Honesty is always the best policy even if it hurts! I do want to say you put it in a different perspective for me! I am thrilled with the fact my son is in love and that he has found his princess. I do know we can be good friends as she acts just like my daughter. I know there is immaturity on her part but, we all grow up sometime. I'm sure they will be just fine! Wil does vent to me and tells me more than maybe I should know, and to save face I keep my mouth shut unless they want my advice and they have to ask also, I have stepped back off of situations letting them get through it on thier own. My father-in-law has a term TOUGH LOVE and as a mother we all have come across that alot! My concern is Wil tells me how tired he is and about his weight loss and now he's told me he is coughing up alot of flim/bile, his hand are very shaky and peeling along with they are yellow. My son doesn't want to scare Anna so he down plays his illness. I see the signs and this is where he's coming into denial as he cannot keep up with her and it's wearing on him health wise. I feel that our talk with them went very well as we all got alot out on the table. How do I make her aware that he is not well? She has been to the Dr.s and Transplant Coordinators with us so she can get more involved. Even Dr. told them both of the long road ahead. She is not getting it! She's quit her job so she can spend more time with him but, He's working so they are not spending time together anyway. Her lodgic is he will take care of me now and I'll take care of him when he gets sick! Thing is I have been supporting Wil and most of his bills for 8 months I cannot afford to support both of them and her bills as well. Priorities need to come first. Wil's health is my first priority! Maybe I'm not getting it?
Thanks for listening! Huggs and smooches