I am Devastated

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1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 5/23/2008 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone, I will not be posting for at least a week or so. I recieved terrible news on the 21st. My older brother passed away from a massive heart attack. He has never had heart disease and has been in good health. I just can't wrap my head around all this right now. Jeff (my little brother) notified me right after the chaplain in the emergency room called him. Evidently Paul (my big brother) called 911 complaining of sudden and extreme chest pain. He was on the line only for 2 minutes and collapsed. When paramedics arrived (within minutes) he was already gone. They worked on him for 45 minutes total and they could not bring him back. I asked my siblings not to call my dad as I didn't want him to hear it over the phone. I drove over to Tampa yesterday early a.m. so I could tell him in person. I was so scared to tell him as he is 85 and still hasn't had time to recover from my mom's death. Anyway, I told him and it was horrible. I was hysterical and my poor dad was just in shock. He rode back to Boca with me this morning and we fly out tomorrow to Michigan. Jeff flew there yesterday to help Paul's wife make arrangements. Paul died at 8:30 PM, I was notified at 9:10PM. Paul's wife was at a business meeting in another city and had no clue what had happened until she got out of the meeting at 1:00 AM. At that time she turned her cell phone on after the meeting and saw 40 missed calls from Jeff. None of us had any clue where she was so Jeff just kept trying to reach her. Due to his own grief-when she called him back-he just blurted out that Paul was dead. Needless to say it was a terrible way to hear it. My heart breaks for her. Please say a prayer for my dad-I worry about him the most. He asked me today in the car to help him on Sunday when we go to the family viewing. I am not sure I can help myself get thru it let alone help him. I am not sure I am strong enough to handle them all. My sister (Laurie) hasn't stopped crying since she found out. She has always been the weakest when it comes to any tragedy. Now I feel like I have to have the emotional maturity to handle my dad, my sister, and my little brother. (Just to let you know we are all grown with kids of our own and Jeff is not little-he's 6ft 8in tall and 40 years old). But; in the family dynamics he's still my baby brother. Oh guys, I feel completely overwhelmed right now and yet I know that I have to take care of everyone in the family on Sunday. I just can't get it in my head that Paul is really gone.
I know that this is all jumbled up and it may not be too cohesive because I am exhausted and sad. Plese pray for us.
Your Friend,
 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


exhaused
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 445
   Posted 5/23/2008 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Shelly  I just don't know what to say.  There is nothing that could possibly make you feel any better right now.  How horrible for you and most of all your dad.  No one should have to bury a child.  You are in my prayers.

 

JoAnn


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/23/2008 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Shelly, I know what a shock this must be to you and your entire family.  I am so sorry.  My prayers are with you for the strength to get through this ordeal.  However, I do wish you wouldn't feel that you have to take care of your whole family.  Nurses tend to put themselves in that position and so do their family members.  The important thing is to take care of yourself, and do what you can for your dad.  The others may then find wells of inner strength that they didn't even know they had.

Big hugs,

Connie

 


Caregiverx3<3
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 5/23/2008 11:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelly,

I am so sad for you and your family, especially your Dad. You all must be very close. "You will take care of each other."
You have done so much for all of us at HealingWell. I wish I were there to help you. This is a shock to all of us here.
You are a strong Caregiver and we are all proud of you and very thankful for all you do for us.
This is a time that I worry about myself and I don't want Terry's mother to go through this either. No parent is ever prepared for the loss of a child.

All my prayers go for you and your family tonight.

God Bless Paul and give strength to his wife and family

Carol
 


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 5/23/2008 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
((((Shelly)))),

sad sad sad You have a lot of friends here thinking and praying for you and your family. Remember .....you don't always have to be the strong one as one of my dear friends told me......Shelly. That goes for you too. Have a safe trip.

Love........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


JohnCT
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 202
   Posted 5/23/2008 11:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shelly,

I am so sorry for you and your family. I can't begin to imagine your pain. Thoughts and prayers seem so inadequate but mine and those of everyone on the forum are with you. You have touched each of us with your caring wisdom and advice, and I wish that we could give you more of something to ease the loss and pain.

We know that the grieving will be difficult but that you will find a way to balance yourself as you put your needs aside to comfort your family (We know how you are). And we know that not a day will pass without you thinking of your brother. I hope that if you're inclined to do so and when you're ready, you'll share some of your memories of him with us.

Losing a child is never easy but you and your family sound like the comfort your father needs to minimize the pain.

Wishing I could do more, John
I have to get up the creek! Now where's that paddle?
Mind-fogged again.


frustrated_n_wv
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 469
   Posted 5/24/2008 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelly

My deepset heart fellt condolesenses goes out to you and your family. I just want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Lucy

mom's "will" to live
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 5/24/2008 6:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelly,
I am so sorry for your loss ! You and your family are most definatly in our thoughts and prayers!  I Thank you ! Your support and advice that you have given us here on the board has been most welcomed and educational! I know you have alot to deal with and I know how you feel! YOU are a rock but, don't forget at same time you are human with alot of compassion and love too give! I just want you to know I have a shoulder if you ever need it! THANKS FOR BEING MY FRIEND! I wish I could be there and do more for you! Take care and talk to you soon!
BIGGGGGGGG HUGGS AND SMOOCHES,
Toni

pix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 134
   Posted 5/24/2008 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, shelly--I am fairly new to the forum, and I have gotten alot out of your posts already.  Please, I give you my energy and my love.  I will pray that you and your family get through this %%^^^&*  and let your love strengthen each other.  You do not have to carry everyone.

pix


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 5/30/2008 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank You All for your kind words and prayers. I feel much love and support by my friends in HealingWell. This has been far more traumatizing then I thought it would be for my family and myself. I guess I really want that old addage "This too shall pass" to be true. My father was brave thru it all and only needed assistance to walk once. We thought he was going to pass out for a few seconds but my younger brother and his son (both 6 ft 8in tall) grabbed him and got him back in his seat. He is a trooper tho and I think he will be as OK as a parent can be when they have to bury their child. They had a full military burial at Fort Custer Cemetary in Michigan. If a burial can be described as beautiful then this was it. My family requested bagpipes be played as we are of Scottish descent. The pipest played amazing grace while disappearing into the woods at the finale. It was just beautiful and symbolic at the same time. I recieved many personal emails from friends as well that has given me much comfort so along with all of your notes I am blessed. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

PS: There were about 300 people at the funeral. That says alot about my brother and the impact that he had on his coworkers and friends. There were representatives from China, India, New Zealand, Austraila, and England there as well as the USA. I was amazed.


 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


Caregiverx3<3
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 5/30/2008 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
(((((Shelly)))))

Love, Carol
 


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 5/31/2008 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I am a little more sane now so I just reread all your wonderful posts. I am so touched and so blessed to have you all. It is absolutely amazing to me that the kindness expressed by others in our time of grief and sorrow can have such a profound impact on us later (when we have had a moment to be more rational). I truly feel that you are all my extended family and have been there for me when I needed you. Although I can't see your faces or look in your eyes I know that there is love and tenderness in your words. What more can any of us ask out of life then to be loved..........................
Your Friend.
 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


Judith
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 6/1/2008 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelly, my thought's and prayer's are with you too! You will get through this because you are a strong lady and we all need you.


Hugs,

Judith

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 6/2/2008 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelly, it is so good to have you back with us!  You were greatly missed.  The pain from your loss will diminish over time.  Meanwhile, think of the wonderful ceremony and the positive effect that your brother had on so many.
 
Gentle hugs,
Connie
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