IT IS OUT MY HANDS

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allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 7/3/2008 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   
i look at my mother and i see now that she is getting worse. she has been in the hospital again after a stroke and seizuires. this time i managed to get carers to go in and help her. but she is drinking heavily again,she has been drinking a lot more as we have seen the empty bottles. try to empty them when we find any but she always finds a way.doctors say she is dying now i know it is the truth.i know she will never stop. i dont know whether it will be days, weeks or months.how do people find the strength to look past the drunk and see the person hiding underneath. i know she is a lost soul. she sent the carers away. i do not know how i am going to care for her.
the site brings everyones problems out in the open to share, it really does help when strangers are sharing their experiences. every time i hear her voice i ache, when i see her a shadow of her former self i cry for the person i have lost.i want her to be at peace with herself. last week i got news of my sister (half sister), she has the same terrible addiction for alcohol, but to make matter worse she is only in her thirties. i do not think i will be able to go through it again, not after my mum. i love my mum and dont want to lose her she promised me yet again that she would stop and silly me i believed her this time

kipper04
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/3/2008 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   

So sorry you are going through this. It is terrible to watch someone so close to you wither away right before your eyes, I know I have been through it just cherish the memories of how your mom was and the time you do have left. I know I always say " If I just had one more day" but it is too late now. I tell anyone who is going through this to spend as much time as possible, and cherish the memories and do what you can to let you mother know you are there, good times and bad. It might be hard now, but in the end trust me you wont regret it. Good luck and let us know how this turns out

Kipper


kipper04
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/3/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I forgot to add the alchoholism is a disease you have to try to remember that, although I havent had to deal with a alchoholic, I can imagine it must be tough with the lies, and deceit. I am sure your mother isnt doing this out of chose, she is doing this because it is a brain addiction and what a alchoholic wants more than anything is another drink and can not overcome who or what they are hurting whether it be themselves or their loved ones. Good Luck

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 7/3/2008 5:11 PM (GMT -7)   

You have already lost your mom...I think that is what you are realizing.  You lost her to alcohol and nothing you say or do will change that.  It's like a death and you are grieving.  I went through that with my own mother, who was a raging alcoholic for many years.  Unlike some here, I could not look past all the hurtful things she had done, especially to my daughter and g'children.  I totally cut off communication with her years before she died.  I only found out a year after her death, through an online search, that she had died the year before at the age of 82.  I could not believe that she lived that long with the drinking she did.  I suspect that she must have stopped at some point.  However, in medical records I obtained, I learned that she was very senile.  She actually died of a heart attack.  It would have been easy enough to find me, had she wanted to.  However, I've never regretted my decision--only that her alcoholic thinking and behavior made it necessary.  Sometimes we have to let go...it's the only way we can live our own lives. 

Looking at the situation realistically, and accepting how it is, is the first step in letting go emotionally.  Then you are no longer hurt by broken promises, etc.  How involved you want to be after that, is up to you.

Hugs,

Connie


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 7/3/2008 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Allie, I know what you are going through from a daughter and a wife prospective. I was only 17 when I lost both my parents. Both had been alcoholics for most of my life. My husband was able to stop about 2-3 years before he died. But the damage was already done.

My husband lived about 5-6 months after he starting having seizures and a mini stroke. But he wasn't drinking either. So your mom may not have even that long. But only God know for sure. He will take her in his time.

I agree with Kipper. It is a disease which she can not control. You have 2 choices......Accept her.... warts and all, or distance yourself from her. It's very hard to watch your loved one destroy themselves. And it is very hard to deal with all the emotional garbage that comes with it. Everyone has to choose the path that right for them. Either way it will be a bumpy road.

Thoughts and prayers will be with you..............
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


Butterflythree
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted 7/4/2008 8:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Allie, My heart goes out to you. I also have watched someone I love throw away their life for alcohol. My husband only stopped drinking since he was diagnosed with cirrhosis. I believed him everytime he said he would stop. We have been together for over 26 years. I stuck by him. I guess becaue I knew who he really was. The cirrhosis is stable at this time but he struggles with encepalopathy alot. He is never himself anymore. It is very heartbreaking for me to watch him slip away from me. All my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Butterflythree
 
There is always hope!


allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 7/4/2008 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
yes you all are right. i have lost my mum already. i have tried many ways throughout the years to deal with this. we went through a period of nearly two years hardly talking. i realise that i would not be able to live with the guilt if i abandoned her now. i would never forgive myself, i do try and see her as often as i can. she gives the impression that she think there is nowt up with her.but she is not daft, she must see the signs. i know things are going to get harder and i suppose i know that i will have to deal with it when it happens.but i keep thinking that there is always hope, but is hope enough
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