Thanks for all of your empathy. Yes, I feel guilty. And yes, I also feel better.
I have apologized to hubbie. But, with that apology, I also got the chance to say a few things that I had been wanting to say... and couldn't seem to be able to say to him.
We saw his doctor yesterday. His MELD is now 19. His lungs are once again filling up with fluids and his abdomen and legs/ankles/feet are huge. But, he was sent home. He wasn't admitted (yet). Dr. said probably next week.
Hubbie was really really glad to be coming home (his wounds from the last visit have just barely healed!) and the dogs went wild when we both walked back in the house. They have figured out that when mom & dad leave together - with a suit case - dad is probably not coming back. It was really cute and they made a big fuss over him. (Simpletons that they are!)
Joann, more advice on the itching... hubbie says 'don't touch it' or 'rub it' - (at least for him) touching or rubbing it makes it worse.
Don't know if I mentioned this, but we have a new symptom. Trembling. He shakes and can't sign his own name anymore. It is just pathetic. I've seen him try to 'hide his hands' so that people don't notice his shaking.
Dr. told us to just 'hang on'. A liver will come. (again!)
But, today, here we are... quiet desperation.....
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you are scared to death"