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whirlwind
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/6/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a new member here, so I am using this post to introduce myself. This is actually my second post, because I was so intent on getting a response that I replied to a very very old post...silly me. I did get responses though, so thank you.... :-)

Hmm... a little about me: I am 28 and I live and work in NYC. I am a New Yorker by day, and a superhero by night....well not really to the superhero part, but I wish I could be.

I have a few health issues regarding my own body that really stress me out. I cant afford health insurance so it will continue to stress me out until I can afford it.

My main reason for being on this site is that I find it far more difficult to deal with my mothers health issue than my own. Here is my first post, it will give you a clear pic of why I am here:

"I hope this gets to you....

I am going through the same thing... My mom and dad are both alcoholics, and are in MAJOR denial. The problem is that no one knows it except me and my sisters. My mother now has liver cirrohsis and was in and out of the hospital many many times about 2 years ago. She controls her symptoms with lactulose and diuretics, which on one hand is a good thing, but it helps her keep up the dillusion that she is well, when really she is just covering her symptoms. She looks so different from the beautiful mom that I am used to seeing when i was growing up. I am 28 and I've recently within 6 months seen 5 of my uncles and aunts die from various reasons, breast cancer, liver cancer, natural causes, car accident, & murder. I am getting scared that we will lose my mom too, because I just feel now that anything can happen. I want to talk to her but I dont know what to say. The doctors told her in order for her to get on the transplant list that she needed to go to AA. She never went, she felt like she was too good for that, because to her, she is not an alcoholic. When we go out my dad buys her drinks, and when she is at home she drinks. I try to throw the alcohol down the sink, but my dad goes back out and buys it, and so does she. I dont know what to do, I dont want to be without a parent like my cousins. If my mom loses her life to alcohol, then I will live with the guilt that this was preventable. I want to do something, I want her to do something, I want my dad to do something. But I dont know how to talk to them without making them feel as if I am against them, because I am not. I want them to see their problem, and see how they are enabling each other, and how they are killing themselves and my sisters and me. This story is so complicated and so deep that I cant begin to tell you all of what we are suffering, I can only say that I know you know...

What did you say when you spoke to your mother? What did you use to help her realize she had a problem... tell me anything

thanks."

I wrote this post in reply to a really old post so I think the person that I directed the question to, will never answer. But that is ok. I have gotten replys from others, and to those people I give you thanks, you make me feel as if I am not alone, even though sometime I could almost swear that I am,

~

Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 8/6/2008 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Whirlwind and welcome to HealingWell. I am sorry about your mom.
Both my parents were alcoholics also. So I know how you are feeling somewhat. My husband died because of liver disease so I do know how scared you must be.

First of all just know that your mom's drinking is out of your control. She is the only person who can do anything about it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. There's an old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can not force them to drink." All you can do is suggest.

Whirlwind these are this is the way I would handle it.

If it were me I would explain to her and your father how you are feeling and why you are feeling this way. Do it in a gentle way, not in anger. ( I know that sometimes emotions get the best of people in these type situations.) They are more apt to listen to you if you are just talking. And timing is everything. Pick a nice calm time when no one's drinking.

Let them know just how very much you love them and how scared that you will lose her. If they deny her illness then print out the post here that has all the symptoms and show it to them. Tell them that you know that they are probably trying to protect you but you are an adult now and you need to get it out in the open. I think the post is called "Liver disease symptoms" or something like that.

Good luck with how ever you decide to do it or not........Lot's of thoughts and prayers.
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 8/6/2008 9:46 PM (GMT 0)   

Hi, Whirlwind!  I'm glad you introduced yourself and posted where others will see it.  I was one of those who replied to your first post--the one who told you about my mother, and my own alcoholism and subsequent sobriety.

Are your own health issues related to liver disease? 

I grew up in Manhattan.  Didn't leave until I was 33.  I went back for the first time in April and found it so vastly improved that I would love to move back there, but rents are prohibitive, as I'm now retired on SS Disability.  My oldest and dearest friend wants me to come back next month and stay with her (way out on the Island), but with everything being so expensive right now, and me needing some big ticket items, I don't see it happening.  Maybe next spring or summer.

I'm glad you posted again.  There are some wonderful people here who can give you support and suggestions.

Hugs,

Connie

 


frustrated_n_wv
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 469
   Posted 8/7/2008 4:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Whirlwind and welcome to the forum

I know that it is such a hard place to be in to try and talk to your parents about such a sensitive issue. Parents I believe find it harder to actually listen to their children even when they are adults. Pink Grandma had some wonderful advice for you. Please keep us posted. This is a wonderful place for expressing feelings and frustrations.

Lucy

whirlwind
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/7/2008 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
In response to Pink....

Thanks for your suggestions. I need to first talk to my sister and get her on the same page that I am on. I cant do any of this alone, and she is as worried as I am, so its best if we do this together. I have a younger sister too, but she has already said that my mom is a grown woman and my mother knows right from wrong, that if my mom doesnt want to stop then whatever. I cant be so nonchalant about it, and neither can my older sister. Everyone deals differently I guess...

In Respon to Hep93....

My own issues are not liver related, I dont know what they are related to. Right now my legs are swollen, not much but enough for me to feel the tightness in my skin. and a few other things. I think my problem is that I need a vacation....
I never say NO to an opportunity, because when its the end, I want to have something to look back on.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 8/7/2008 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Whirlwind, your name kind of says it all, doesn't it?  I imagine that you are VERY stressed out over your mom's condition.  Maybe you can get a mini-vacation.

Hugs,

Connie

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