what help is available?

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allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 8/17/2008 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
i am hoping that someone might have any idea about the best type of care that is available for my mum. i live in scotland,am married with two children , the youngest is 12. i work about 30 hours per week over 5 days, and sty about 1/2 hour drive from my mum. i am an only child, my mother is 61, lives with her partner of 76, she has no brothers or sisters and her partner cares for her. she has esld, been in and out hospital so many times, she got out last sat, she was great for about three days. in hospital she began to eat well, and walks with difficulty as she has a recent fracture in her spine. she has not eaten for the last four days, and took to her bed yesterday.she has been soiling the bed (she has bowel problems) and messing everywhere. there is blood passed. she looks yellow, very gaunt, her lips are all dry and scabby. she is refusing to see any doctor and does not want to go back into hospital. it is far too much for her partner and he finds it very hard to cope. i had arranged for homecare, and iris team to visit to help her bathe ect.i also arranged the incontinence clinic for bed pads, and protection for her. trouble is she gets bad this way, eventually goes into hosp, comes back feels she can look after herself and sends the help away. i dont think she has had a drink, but i do not know all the other times she has been drinking heavy, but i do not see how she could have got a hold of it.we do not know what lies instore, i do not see her having any quality of life.i have my own family to look after my daughter needs me and i feel as if i have been neglecting her i also have responsiblity of my gran (her mum) who is in a care home. i want to do what is best for everyone. it cant be right to have my mum lying in her own mess. she deserves to be look after properly, her partner  says she need to be put in a home as she is dying,. i do not know where to turn, she would never agree to a home, but is that drastic measures. any advice welcome please

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Allie, I'm so sorry that your mom continues to deteriorate.  It does sound as though she needs to be in a nursing home.  If she sends the help away, then there is no sense in trying to set up home care.  Over here in the States, Medicaid will pay for a nursing home if there is no other insurance.  I don't know what the situation is in Scotland.  Will she listen to her partner if he tells her that she needs to go to a NH, but that he and you will visit regularly, etc.?  Perhaps he could tell her that it is just until she is better.  Having worked for doctors over here, I know that they will usually have a person go to the ER and then do a direct admit to a NH from the ER.  You need to have a doctor working with you on this.  You cannot be expected to know it all or do it all.  Does she have a general physician or family doctor?  If so, this would be the one to contact to start with.

It's rather difficult to be specific since you are in another country.  Do they have Hospice over there?  If you cannot get her into a NH, perhaps you could call Hospice or the Scottish equivalent of that.

Hugs,

Connie


allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
WE ARE GOING TO SPEAK TO THE DOCTOR TOMORROW.I HONESTLY CANT SEE HER AGREEING TO GO INTO A NURSING HOME. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE WAY AHEAD IS FOR HER IF ANY. I DO NOT WANT HER TO SUFFER ANY MORE.
I KNOW IN MY HEART SHE IS DYING, I DONT SEE HWR PULLING THROUGH BUT SHE STILL SURPRISES ME. I DON' T WANT TO MENTION HOSPICE INCASE I AMAWAY WRONG ALTHOUGH THROUGH THE RESEARCH I DO NOT THINK I AM. but maybe it is not as bad as it looks. i thought hospice was only for cancer patients.

Butterflythree
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Allie, Hospice care is for terminally ill people that are not expected to live more than 6 months. They help the patient to be as comfortable as possible. They also try to give support to family members. I am so sorry that your mother is doing so badly. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.
Butterflythree
 
There is always hope!


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 8/17/2008 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Allie, If hospice operates in Scotland I highly recommend it. Not only did they ease my husbands pain and suffering, they got me through a very scary time.

Thoughts and prayers...........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 8/18/2008 12:26 AM (GMT -7)   
my mum has a very stubborn and independant streak, she always has. when she starts to feel better, she refuses all kinds of help. she had homecare which dealt with her personal needs, she sent them away saying she was well enough to wash and care for herself. but when she gets sick (possibly from having a drink) she does need all the help she can get.but homecare will not come if sh does not want them to.
we know how sick she is, everytime she is in hospital they give her all sorts of drips, blood etc. she always looks better, but it never lasts. no one has said directly (apart from one consultant at the hospital who said if she continued to drink she would not last to sept), her own doctor has not confirmed anything. so i will go and wait for the doctor, and see what he says
the addiction has ruined any kind of relationship that i had with my mum.it is a terrible destructive illness, which has robbed me of my mum and my children a gran.my father and half sister are also bad alcoholics, but i do not see them at all. i only met them a few years back and felt i had enough to cope with.
thank you for your advice

allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 8/18/2008 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
doctor sent for an ambulance today so she is back in hospital. pour soul

bratnewton
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 8/18/2008 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Allie,
I pray that she has the knowledge to receive home care and if she is drinking will stop. I also hope that you can get some rest both physically and mentally.

She is lucky to have a daughter like you

Karen in Nevada

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 8/18/2008 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Allie, see if you can talk to the doctor about having your mom transferred to a NH once they get her medically stable at the hospital.  This would be the best thing for her.

Hugs,

Connie


Thoiter
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/25/2008 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
There are supplements which can greatly help. From what you say her condition is quite advanced but these can still help. I would advise your mother to take at least 3 tablespoons of lecithin granules everyday. Lecithin is amazing and I believe can even help to reverse serious liver conditions (it did in my case). It really works but it may take a month ot two before you start to see the results.
The other supplement I would recommend you research is miracle mineral solution. This works by killing pathogens within the body and gives a huge boost to the immune system. I would suggest you do some research on it - Jim Humble was the discoverer, and if you do a Google search you find much more information.
I recommend these supplements because they have worked wonders for me. Of course I have to say that they are not reccomended by most medical authorities ( but why would they be, they can't be patented).
Good luck.
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