Laurie, as hard as it might be, you need to practice some "tough love." Tell him he either stops drinking and drugging or you will have him put out. If I recall, you mentioned in a previous post that he is staying with you. You can look for a detox center for him, though they often have a waiting list and he would have to go voluntarily, which I doubt he will. The only other thing you can do is to see about getting him committed to a treatment facility under a Meyer's Act, which is for alcoholics/addicts who are a danger to themselves or others. It takes a couple of doctors to be willing to state this. He can then be court-ordered to treatment.
I think you can understand why doctors don't want to spend their time on liver disease patients who refuse to quit drinking or drugging. Whatever is done medically will do absolutely no good until he stops drinking. Your only alternative is to just accept him as he is and put up with the drinking/drugging...and watch him die.
I am so sorry.
Your husband was probably thinking of you when he made his living will. He knew what he wanted. He didn't want you (or anyone else) to have to make that decision. You may feel sad, but don't feel guilty. We don't get a choice about coming into this world, but some get a choice of how to leave it. Death is so personal. I am only beginning to understand these things as my best friend loses her own battle with ESLD from cirrhosis and Hep C.
Your love and compassion for your brother is beautiful. Do what makes you comfortable. I still get cigarettes for my girlfriend even though I know she shouldn't be smoking. I can't make the call for you on getting alcohol for your brother, but you will do what you can live with.
My friend stopped drinking 6 months after her diagnosis and has actually told me that she was greatful for this disease because it got her to stop drinking. She had been trying for over 30 years with no success. It sounds odd, I know, but once I thought about what she was saying and how hard it has been for her all these years knowing that she needed to quit but couldn't, I understood. Alcohol gets a hold on people just like any other addictive substance. Since it's legal and sold in grocery stores, etc. it seems like it's ok. Knowing what I know now, I am so glad I gave it up 30 years ago.
You try to hang in there. This stuff is hard, but coming to the forum and reading helps me. I hope it helps you too. All of us are going through something similar and it's comforting to me to read others' posts to know that I am not alone. Now you are not alone either!
“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
Laurie, as a sober alcoholic I look at things differently. I could never supply an alcoholic with booze. I don't even want to be around a drinking alcoholic...I refuse to be. That does not mean it is wrong for you to supply alcohol to your brother, even knowing that he is killing himself. It is as though he had signed a DNR--same result. It's his decision to continue drinking.
Whatever you decide, we are all here for you. I just wanted to clarify my stance and why I feel as I do.
Hi, Laurie! It's good to hear from you. I'm glad to hear you've made plans for a NH and that your brother is agreeable to that when the time comes.
Please keep us posted.