Polydipsia, it's good to see you posting. I'm sorry about your father-in-law's passing, especially while your husband is going through crisis. It does seem that you are doing what's best for your husband. I'm glad that you have hospice involved. They will be a great help to the family as well as the patient. At this point, is your husband's main problem liver disease or cardiovascular disease? Is there nothing more that can be done for him?
Be sure to take time for yourself and keep us updated.
Ohhh Poly, I am so sorry. You have been through the wringer since you last posted. You are one tough cookie.
Doctors are notorius for not explaining, educating and sometimes not notifying their patients......My husband had a MRI ( Ordered by his GI doctor) in November of 2005 which showed a mass in his liver.......we were told about it by his hepatologist in late January. He made us pack our bags and go to the hospital for more testing.
Hang in there.......lot's of thoughts and prayers....
Welcome back Jen,
I’m sorry to hear you are in the middle of two crises at once. I can only hope I go out like your father-in-law did; 85 years young and seemingly healthy. He either didn’t have or didn’t report any congestive heart failure symptoms. My guess is that he didn’t report them. He didn’t want to end up in the hospital. He simply wanted to “Live until he died.” I can respect that. I hope your mother-in-law takes comfort in that as well. I suspect that you and your mother-in-law are bonding on a new level and are a great source of support to one another. She understands what you can only imagine. It must be surreal.
Jeff knew months ago what he needed to do, but he couldn’t comply. Not everyone has a zest for life (or a will to live) as your father-in-law did. If Jeff doesn’t have the wherewithal to fight, it is out of your hands. All you can do is make him as comfortable as possible. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or the kids, it simply means he hasn’t the strength to fight. He may feel he is doing you a favor. Appreciate that and make his passing compassionate. He loves you. Don’t feel guilty. Love him for letting go. He recognizes his faults and doesn’t want to burden you and the kids. Be at peace.
Be careful not to be angry if you children are relieved. They will miss him terribly, but kids are honest and immature. Their spirits are young and strong and I’m certain this has been weighing on them. The gravity of what they’ve lost will not resonate until they have families of their own. This is where you should draw your strength. Life goes on. Your oldest child is 19. Consider his/her children. I know no greater love than what I have for my Grandson. I can tell you that you have so much love to look forward to.
As I said before, you are as tough as nails and I know you and the kids will be fine. Your mother-in-law is probably in need of more attention these days. Do what you can for her. I’m sure she will reciprocate. It is bad enough for her to loose her husband, but we are supposed to out-live our children. She must be devastated and is probably more vulnerable that you know.
Trust that you’ve made the right decisions for yourself and for you kids. Hospice is an incredible group of caring people that will help you in the transition. I can’t say enough about them. Lean on them. It is what they expect and they are more than willing to help.
Don’t be too hard on you PCP. He probably told Jeff what was going on, but Jeff either didn’t want to hear it or was too confused to remember. PAD (peripheral artery disease) was the least of Jeff’s problems. Keep an open mind. Discuss this with your PCP especially if you feel otherwise. It’s important to trust your PCP.
I’ve never met you, but I feel close to you. I can relate to what you are going through. Know that there are good things to come for you. Focus on the positive and maintain your sense of humor. As I said before, you are as tough as nails and you will get your family through this.
Love and prayers. May God bless you and your family.
Polly, I am so sorry for your loss. I was with my husband when he died in January and I felt the same relief that he was not suffering anymore. We want them with us forever, but the suffering is so horrible. I hope you find comfort in that he is not suffering anymore. Take of those kids and yourself. My prayers are with you and your family.