maybe someone can help me

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caring 4 mama
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/24/2009 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
ok so my mother is 54 an alcoholic FOREVER and i had nothing to really do with her because of her lifestyle choices and the fact that i didnt want to be around her or have my children around her while she was drunk. in march i get a call from a doctor asking me to come to the hospital its about my mother. he sits me down in a chair in her room and gives me the "this is how it is" speech. she wont quit drinking so no transplant. she has hep c, cirrosis. I have now suddenly become my mothers caregiver, after so long i cant believe it myself but there is a time to let things go and deal with life so to speak. the dr gave her 2 months to a year but they said more like 6. she is eight weeks in. this morning she started throwing up, alot, while in the bathroom from her lactolose, she has been very nausous for a few days, i dont know if this normal, is she getting worse, does this happen, will she just be getting sick like this alot, i have no idea what i am doing, i make her take her meds, she is still drinkign everyday all day long, not eating, the reality is she is dying but i dont know when and i dont know how long i need to watch this woman suffer before its all over. i dont know what to do, i guess i am scared that the end is getting close and i am now at 24 starting a sad relationship with a woman i have worked so hard to avoid my whole life. i feel guilty, i miss my mom now when i am not at her house, i guess i just want someone to talk to.

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 4/24/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Caring 4 mama, I'm glad you found us.  And boy, can I relate!  I cut off all communication with my mother over 20 years prior to her death.  Since she was 1500 miles away, I didn't even know where she was or when she died until a year after the fact.  I hope you are up to what lies ahead.  I have personally been sober for nearly 22 yrs., thanks to AA.  It was 6 yrs. after I quit drinking that I was diagnosed with hep C. So I will leave it to others who have dealt with loved ones with liver disease who continue(d) to drink to tell you what may lie ahead.

I also suggest that you read the educational topics on our main page.  They contain a lot of great information.  Also, I just obtained a book that was recommended by one of our members (Hi, Penny!), Hepatitis and Liver Disease by Dr. Melissa Palmer.  You can get an inexpensive copy at half.com.  It contains information on all types of liver disease and is very thorough.

Remember to take care of yourself.  Get enough rest and don't forget to eat properly.



hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Post Edited (hep93) : 4/29/2009 2:53:58 PM (GMT-6)


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 4/24/2009 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello caring 4 mama and welcome to HealingWell. I am sorry that you have to deal with this disease. It is isn't easy by any means. My husband drank for about 6 years after his diagnosis of cirrhosis. Nothing I would say or do got through to him. He finally quit drinking on his own after experiencing his first encephalopathy episode. That scared him straight. He had been a heavy drinker for over 25 years.

After the encephalopathy started,,,,he started itching like crazy, he had nose bleeds, juandice,edema, he developed liver cancer, he had siezures and a stroke. From his first episode until he died...... it was about 27 months. Now that's being under doctor's care and taking all his meds, eating healthy and not drinking. Eveyone's different and handles the disease differently. This is just what my husband went through.

Like Connie said.........read over all of our educational posts.........they are full of good information.

Take care.......thoughts and prayers...........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


AmeeP
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 4/24/2009 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Caring 4 mama,

I feel your pain in. I am caring for my mother in law, which we shall say that the relationship was strainde from the get go. Now I am her care giver. I too, give the medication to her, help her shower, cook for her, ect. My husband and I live with her, and we have told her for years that she has to stop drinking, before it kills her. She was diagnosed with Cirrhosis, in october of 08, and then she stopped dirnking all together. On March 4th of this year, I had to terminate my pregnancy due to it being eptopic. When my husband and I returned home that afternoon we found her in the bathroom unresponsive. She had been sitting there for at least 6 hours before we found her. I honestly thought that she was dead. And all of a sudden I felt this huge flood of guilt... why didn't I check on her that morning before we left, why didn't I speak to her the night before, maybe I would have noticed something.... But now I know that everything happens for a reason. Today, she is being evaluated for a liver transplant, and she had become somewhat closer to me. I can actually appreciat her more and definately respect her now.

You will have to face your mother head on, and tell her first and foremost that you love her. And what you are about to say to her is not coming form judgement, but from love. Although you've spent so long living your life away from her,,, ( I ran away from home when I was 14, because of my fathers drinking so I do relate) you have also been brought back to tell her something, or to learn something. So take this as it comes. It is not going to be an easy road, not even slightly. There will be good days, and bad.

As for the lactulose, you can manage the amount that she takes a day. If she is having more than 5 BM's a day, that is too much, reduce the amount that you are giving her, or only give it to her once a day. I find that by giving it to my mother in law in the morning makes her get out of bed more, which helps with the circulation. And it also allows her to sleep at night.
But if you notice that she is getting more confused, you can give her an extra dose. For my mother in law, I give her an extra dose, when she has not had a least on BM a day. I try to encourage her to eat lots of fresh fruit and raw veggies... as they also help her stay regular.

Does your mother have any swelling, in her abdomen, legs, face ect? She may need to be placed on a diruetic as well. Believe me you are not alone in this and I am glad that you found this site. It has been so instrumental in my own sanity, nonetheless, great advice. It helps me find out what questions I should be asking the doctors.

Be well and remember to take care of yourself too, I've had my moments of letting the stress get to me. No one will think less of you if you have to take a day off. If you can, contact her insurance, to see if you can get a case worker, and if you could get some type of home health. That will be a blessing, and if you get an aide, you can have two hours to relax, and breath.

Take care.

caring 4 mama
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/29/2009 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for the responses, i appriciate your words. to answer the questions in the last post yes my mother looks like she is six months pregnant and the dr s said that they cant do anything for it and that they would only drain more fluid if it becomes hard for her to breath. i have a question though, does anyone know if the lactolose can just stop working? my mother is having to take twice as much at one time than before to get the same results that she was having. the regular dose doesnt do anything any more. i have her wait 1 and 1/2 hours and if it doesnt work i have her do it again and then it works a little but not like at first, wondering if there is a reason? has it happened to others? and i just got her an in home care aid for three hours a night every other night while i go to work and the women is WONDERFUL dont know what i would do without her now and she just started. Thank you to all those out there on here everyday. GOOD LUCK AND LOVE

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 4/29/2009 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Caring 4 mama, from what I've read in this forum, the lactulose can be adjusted up and down as required.  So if she needs more, give her a larger dose at one time.

I am SO happy to hear that you have gotten some help!  That will do wonders for both you and your mom!



hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 4/29/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
i really feel for you. my mom is also an alcoholic and i have no idea if she is still drinking, my cousin and mom both say she isnt so that is a good thing. it is a long road and very stressful, so stressful i broke down crying at work just because a customer yelled at me over chocolate milk. it wasnt just that lady that got me crying it is my whole situation. my mom has known since 08 about her hep and i just found out a couple of months ago although i knew about the cirrhosis. i wouldnt wish this disease on my worst enemy(in some cases my mom is my worst enemy.) i have always worried about her dying cause of drugs and alcohol and wondered how i would feel since i wasnt really close to her but now i know that i feel sad and hurt and i am angry. why am i angry? i am angry cause she kept going and going on drugs and alcohol even though i told her it would kill her, angry because i have never had the relationship i should with her, angry because she isnt going to see her grandkids grow up, and angry that she is sick. i know some of this is her doing and i am angry at that too. but i am dealing with it. just thought you should know some of the feelings that are there with this sickness. if you need an ear let me know i will listen. i hope things get better.

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 4/29/2009 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I can really understand the anger.  I was very angry at my mother for years because of how her alcoholism affected her ability to care about and for others, including her kids.  So what happens?  I became an alcoholic myself.  It took me over 20 yrs. of hard drinking before getting help at AA.  My mother never did give it an honest try, though.  She would go to AA and meet "drinking buddies."  She never really wanted to stop.  And you know what?  There is nothing in this world we can do about that.  If they are not willing, it's a waste of breath to try to get them to seek help.  In time, I forgave her, as I understood it is an illness.

hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 4/29/2009 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   
so i am not alone in the anger department, that is good i really thought i was and that i was a bad daughter for it. i turned my anger differently by deciding to not be an alcoholic and be a good mom. but i forgive her for her mistakes but i cant forget. i love her yet i hate her sometimes to but the love always is stronger just cause she is my mom. but now i just have to get rid of the anger

Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 4/29/2009 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello worried girl. No you are not alone in the anger department........Anyone who is dealing with a loved one with alcoholic or drug use past that more or less caused their own illness deals with the anger day in and day out. It took a year and 1/2 after my husband died to finally let it go. I'm not angry about it any longer.........just so sad that he had to go down that road.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you..........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 4/29/2009 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   

PG, I feel sadness, too, now...for what could have been but never was.

Worried Girl, remember it is the disease that angers you--and what it causes--not your mother.


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Butterflythree
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted 5/2/2009 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I also experience that same anger and sadness.

Pink Grandma and Connie, You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Butterflythree
 
There is always hope!


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/2/2009 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Butterfly.  God bless you.

hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 5/2/2009 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Butterfly, thanks........everyone could use some thoughts and prayers. How are you holding up? Your husband and you are in my thoughts and prayers also along with butterfly4. Give her my regards.

Connie I really try hard not to dwell on "what might have been." It gets too much sometimes. My granddaughters and I put in "Funny Papa's Garden" a couple of weeks ago. Boy did it come out nice. It's a lot nicer than the one we did at my old house.

Thoughts and prayers to all...........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


mer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 613
   Posted 5/2/2009 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Do not feel alone in the anger/frustration. I, too, feel angry and frustrated, which I think is normal as a caregiver. I vented my anger/frustration this afternoon at my husband, and now I feel horrible, because he cannot help that he's in pain.....I feel like the biggest jerk!

 

Mer


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 5/4/2009 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
mer dont feel like a jerk, we all lose our cool sometimes and no one knows what we go through as caretakers. we have to go through a lot and i wonder if it is more then the sick cause we get to watch them deteriorate before our eyes and it is hard to see. i bet he doesnt even hold it against you
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