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catt801
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/10/2009 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello
 
I am an alcoholic, due to my own stupidity, I started drinkink due to some bad experiences.  Before Christmas I was drinking around 4 litres of sprits a week and wine on the days I didn't drink the sprits.  I have vowed to try and reason with myself as I watched my own brother nearly die from alcohol abuse, but its easier to help others than yourself. 
 
Since Christmas I only drink 1 litre of sprit a week on the days I don't drink it, I have wine, but I am trying a low alcohol cider a few days a week to wean off further.  From this week I am not going to drink any sprits hopefully ever again.  The plan is to eventually stop, I never get drunk, sounds hard to believe I know, but I don't.  I have a huge empty hole to file and guess I fill it with this to ease the pain. 
 
I started last year with pain in my liver, the only other symptom I have is numbness all over my face, what is this?
 
I am to scared to go to the doctors, that is why I am trying to do this on my own, but I am affraid now that as I have pain in my liver, that it is to late for me.
 
I came on here to try and make some sense of what I do, by reading the pain is causes others around them, I even posted a dramatic post to someone about my brother, yet I can't take my own advise.
 
I guess what I want to know, is am I going to die? are the symptoms that I have now to advanced for me to live?  even if they are I am still going to stop, I just feel I am standing in an empty space on my own.

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 5/11/2009 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Catt, first I want to welcome you to HealingWell. Secondly, please know that you are never alone. There are hundreds of people involved in this forum and you will find that we care about every member. We have all become like an extended family and that includes you. So that said, I read your post and felt that you need to be pushed a little. You need to see your MD and have some basic tests done. From those results your Dr will know where and to whom you need to see. There is no way to determine if you actually even have liver disease until these tests are done. I realize you are afraid but burying your head in the sand is not going to help you. You have made some really good decisions concerning your alcohol problems and weaning yourself is a great start. I do think however that AA could be a tremendous asset for you. There are many on this site who are members and have won the battle over alcoholism. They will be able to advise you much better than I can on AA. However; it is really important for you to get a handle on what-if anything is physically affecting you as a result of your drinking. PLEASE don't let fear rule you. I think that FEAR is our worst enemy. When we are ruled by any outside negative influences it actually can destroy us. I've seen it clinically occur more than once so I am encouraging you to make some proactive choices and see your Dr. Once you have done that you can get any necessary testing and then deal with what needs to be done. Take courage from others here that have faced the same things. Learn from them and their experiences. We are all here for you and will do anything we can to help you. The bad news is.........no one can help you until you decide to help yourself. Sounds like you just needed a little direction. Stay strong, stay positive, and know that we are here.

 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/11/2009 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, Catt, and welcome to the forum.  I have read both your posts.  Shelly (who is a nurse) gave you some good advice.  And you well know that the advice you gave in your other post, when speaking of your brother, you need to apply to yourself.  Easier said than done, right?  I, too, am an alcoholic and was a drug addict prior to that.  I contracted hep C from IV drugs.  When I got off the street drugs, I went to alcohol.  I stopped drinking, thanks to AA, nearly 23 yrs. ago.  I actually did the same as you, weaned myself off the alcohol, in a matter of 6 mos.  I went into detox twice, but only stayed overnight one time and for 10 days the 2nd.  I still went back to drinking when I got out.  Are you in the UK?  From the sound of your writing I'm thinking you might be.  
 
There are AA meetings all over the world.  You need to start going, even if you are still drinking.  You also need to get to the doctor.  Part of the reason you don't want to go is fear of what you will find out.  A larger part is most likely that you don't want to admit how much you drink or to hear that you must stop NOW.  And then there's the shame involved, especially if your drinking has caused liver disease.  You have already taken the biggest step in admitting you are an alcoholic.  When I started going to AA, I wasn't able to admit that even to myself for some months.  It's nearly impossible to stop drinking on your own, if you are an alcoholic.  Look at your brother--he's still drinking, though he's learned to modify it.  Most alkies can't do that.  In almost no time, they will be right back where they were, or worse.
 
You may not be getting drunk...you may just stay on an even keel all the time with the alcohol.  In other words, you are always high.  I know a couple of people like that.  You are right about filling a hole.  That's very inciteful of you.  In AA, you will learn to fill that hole with positive things; to start feeling better about yourself; to make friends with people who will understand; to have a true connection to a Higher Power, and to give up the alcohol one day at a time.  It's a wonderful thing and something you deserve.
 
So please:  See a doctor and get some simple blood work done.  Be honest with him/her and say you'd like a liver profile done.  Secondly, even if your blood work is okay, look in the phone book for AA.  Call and ask where the nearest meeting is and at what time--and go!  You won't regret it.  :-)
 
Hugs,
Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


catt801
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/14/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all and thank you for the replies. I went to the doctors on tuesday, I burst into tears. I was honest about everything and she is arranging a meeting for me with the Alcohol Team. Then I have an appointment with her again in three weeks time. She has not arranged any tests as yet, she said she is there only to medicate and the Alcohol Team will sort out the best plan for me.

Hi Connie, yes I am from the UK, the Lake District, right in the mountains and surrounded by lakes. You made a comment to me, I just wanted to clear something up that you said. I said that I don't never get drunk when I drink and you said: "You may not be getting drunk...you may just stay on an even keel all the time with the alcohol. In other words, you are always high."

I am not on an even keel and I don't drink all day long and remain high. Infact the alcohol doesn't really affect me that much, apart from relax me. I only drink 3 to 4 drinks a night, I have never drank when I wake up and I don't get the shakes. But the pain in my liver is there and I know its alcohol related. I think it may be a high tolerance that I have for things, sounds daft I know. If I take any Asprin for a headache I have to take 900mg or its no use in taking them. When I went for minnor surgery twice, they ask you to count down from 10. I can always get to 10, where as most people only get to 3, its then that they give me a second injection. Also I was on some depression medication 6 years ago, the doctor started me off on 75mg, when I went back she asked if it knocked me out, I said I felt no different. She upped the dose to 150mg and the same I couldn't even tell I had taken anything. She upped it again to the highest dose she could give, 225mg, that knocked me out lol.

I have never taken drugs, so can't say I have a high tolerance due to that, I guess I just don't get effected by medication and alcohol like most. I have been drunk on the odd occassion when I have been out with friends, but I know when to stop. I hate the room spinning so I usually stop drinking 2hrs before we get home, so apart from new year and christmas, which gets most people a bit drunk, I never drink enough to make me drunk, but what I drink a night, would make most people drunk.

Also I am a single parent with 3 children and would not drink enough to be drunk and falling around in front of them. I am glad I went to the doctors though and thanks again for the support. Does anyone no why my face goes numb though? It only happens when I drink sprits

xox Catt xox

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/14/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, Catt!  I'm SO glad you went to the doctor and were honest.  I hope you will follow up with the Alcohol Team.

Thank you for correcting me on how much you drink.  However, if you feel you are drinking too much then you probably are.  If you think the pain you are having is from alcohol, then obviously you need to stop drinking.  I have a very high tolerance to drugs myself, but not so much the alcohol.

Also, considering your brother's alcoholism which you have talked about, there IS a genetic component to alcoholism, so it is just common sense for you to stop drinking.  You also have your children to be healthy for and live a long life for.  I hope that the Alcohol Team will get you pointed in the right direction.  If there are any AA meetings near you, that would also be wonderful support for you.

Best of luck, Catt!

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


catt801
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/29/2009 12:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Still awaiting an appointment, hoping too get one soon, don't know why it is taking so long. 
 
Catt

Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 5/29/2009 9:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Catt, The waiting sometimes seems the hardest. I myself have very little patience anymore. I am the type of person who wants things done and done now. Hang in there. I know it's tough but it will be worth the wait to ease your mind.

Take care......thoughts and prayers.....
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


catt801
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/30/2009 1:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, will try and be strong, the doctor told me to just continue drinking until I get the appointment, she said she thinks its more the case of miss management with alcohol rather than I am a full blown alcoholic.  Even thought my liver hurts, since cutting back on the spirits it hurts less than what it did, which has a possitive effect on me, as when I feel the pain it puts me off the spirits.
 
Catt

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/30/2009 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Catt, whoever is referring you to the Alcohol Team, ask them to follow up for you on why it is taking so long.  Someone could have dropped the ball with the referral.  I've had that happen with other problems.  (I once waited a year for a referral to Pain Clinic, only to find they had never received the referral.)  So just make sure that the referral has been made.

hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


catt801
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/31/2009 2:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there, I have had a letter confirming my appointment from the Alcohol Team.  They have added me to there waiting list, should of added that in my last message.
 
Just a waiting game now.
 
Catt

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/31/2009 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Catt, if there is an AA meeting near you, you can go.  No waiting there, I assure you.  Look in your phone book for AA or Alcoholics Anonymous.  Then call and ask where the closest meeting is and at what time/day.  Speaker meetings are good for newbies, as they have a speaker who tells his story and everyone just listens.  Check it out!  wink
hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

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