Lisa, welcome to our forum. I can feel in your words the pain you are going through. I know it's unbearable. It's good that you know you have to find ways to cope. There are many people here who are or were caregivers. We really have more caregivers than patients. So the majority can relate. It's much worse on the caregiver/loved one than it is on the patient, I think (I'm a patient.) We do sleep a lot. I wouldn't worry about your mom taking any meds except ones for pain and meds that will make her feel a little better, such as diuretics. The Hospice social worker can also come to the house to speak with you, if you request it. The nurses are also great listeners. You will be glad that you honored your mom's wish to die at home, regardless of how difficult it is right now.
Please come here often and post about your feelings, etc. We are always here for you.
“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
Thank you all for responding. I am trying my hardest. It is just so hard to look at her so weak and cot her usual self. I am so thankful for the good memories that I do have and will always have. I am noticing at this time that the hardest time for me is at night. After everyone has gone home and my husband is sleeping, I just wonder the house, water my plants and think and cry. I am just not ready to let my mom go even though thats what needs to happen. I think tomorrow will be better, My mom entered hospice on Friday and they brought her to my house and then left. No one showed me how to turn her, what I should do to help her or anything. So this weekend has been hard. I have lots of friends and family over helping me but its hard. Tomorrow people from hospice are going to come and then I should have someone to talk to. I am thankful I found this place. When I decided to log on tonight, I didn't think anyone would have even read my post let alone have 4 people respond. My mom is only 50. She has been sick for a while but she was still such a fighter and I didn't think she would be leaving us so soon. I will have kids in the next few years and I am not going to have her to help me or give me advice. She is not going to have the joy of seeing her grandkids that I know she has wanted for so long. I am just so sad. My grandma (my mom's mom) died 4 years ago of a heart attack in her sleep so we were never able to fully tell her good bye. I know she is above watching but I dont want my mom to go yet. I just am not ready. For anyone reading this I am wondering if you have let someone die in your home. I am really having a hard time. I was able to see my grandma in her bed after she had died and I never went back in her bedroom. Now I am wondering if I will feel the same way with my mom or if I will feel better because I honored my moms wishes. I just don't know. I only have a 3 bedroom house and I just don't know how I will feel after she goes. Any thoughts feelings or opions would be great. Thank you guys again. It felt so great to come on her tonight and see that there are others who understand.
I can't add much to what has been said, except to suggest your asking Hospice about a hospital bed for your mom. Since they are adjustable, it makes the care a little easier. Also, you will not have the memory of her dying in one of your beds. I hope that Hospice will be a great help to you in dealing with your mom's illness and her ultimate departure.