Allie, I am so sorry for all the emotional turmoil you are going through, and it's no fault of yours. I want you to know that you didn't cause it and you can't fix it. You are doing all that you can, being there when you can. Your offers of help have been refused. Your first piority must be YOURSELF and then your own family. Your mom has a codependent relationship with her partner. He is allowing her to continue drinking and behave as she does. He's probably angry at himself and doesn't even know it.
Nobody can tell you what to do. You have to follow your heart. But if you possibly can, try to detach from all the nonsense that is going on. Focus on the medical and your mom's well being and ignore the rest. There is something they say in Co-Dependents Anonymous that one can learn with practice: Detach with love. It means you still care, but you are not going to get caught up in all the game playing.
You know you can come here anytime to vent. We are always here for you.
“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
mum got out yesterday. really surprised me as the nurses told me the day before she would be in for a few weeks.
i did try and talk calmy to her, i told her i loved her but was finding it too hard. i said the only way i could be there for her is if she was truthful and honest no matter if she still drank or not. she looked me straight in the eye and asked me what i was talking about, she said she quit drinking long ago and did not know what i was going on about. i asked her if she remembered the circumstances of her going in, she did not, i told her she denied it. so i told her the last time she saw me she was going for her bottle, i argued with taxi driver, she told me never to come back. she said i must have done something to her to say that. she does not accept anything, even when she is drunk she will swear she has not touched it. she did say she would give anything to get on with me, and agreed with her partner that i should do more. when she is out hospital i phone most days, but only see her once a week. i see my gran twice cause she has no one else and she needs me.my visits to her and nearly always horrible, i never know how to find her, i have lost count the amount of times i have left in tears. when i bring my daughter, she has witnessed things she should not at her age, so i try not to bring her. it is not pleasant.
Barb, the group you are thinking of is Al-Anon. It's for any family member, loved one, or friend who is interested in coping with the alcoholism of someone they know. It teaches you to share what you are experiencing and there are 12-Steps for Al-Anon, too. Another good group, which is an off-shoot of AA and also uses 12 steps is Co-Dependents Anonymous. I really got a lot out of that one. If you call Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book, they can direct you to a nearby meeting of one of the other groups.
Post Edited (hep93) : 7/24/2009 3:56:06 PM (GMT-6)
yes i think they start to believe the lie themselves. i havr tried al anan a couple of times, it was ok a lot of good caring people. trouble is time, i dont have much. these groups do certainly help a lot of people,maybe i will go back if i get some free time.
i work as a beauty therapist, doing massage, reflexology all the usual. i love my job, my clients are good. i like helping others feel good about themselves. it is not highly paid but its local with no stress, which suits me fine. i go there and forget about my mum for a wee while so its been good for me. i have only been working the last two years, before that i was a housewife looking after my kids. my job is my way of being a little selfish, doing something i want, if you know what i mean.